irritating helper-28 June 2013

Enjoying my last few days of SAHM indulging my homemade Tiramisu terlebih koko.Tried my best to ignore the domestic helper's irritating presence. You know when someone intentionally makes her presence felt by doing her work extra har! get a life. My worst of all 4, and she is the only one married, yet the worst in handling housework. Have to be told,even so she still gets them wrong. Higher wages yet getting lower standard. Stubborn as a mule. 7 Months into her job yet she still cannot adapt. Not stupid but she is plain lazy. having 2 kids does not help either. The kids dislike her, even my niece cannot stand her. Sincerity is so obvious. if you dont do with your heart, nothing goes right.

I'm back

After almost 3 years, I am back with more vibrant and positive attitude. Looking through the past journals, both myself and the rest had accomplished most of what we had been struggling for the past years. I got my degree, Ed got his diploma, Najmi graduated from pre school and Ezzaty had passed through her PSLE! I am now a baking/cooking enthusiast, not sure when and how I started. even landed a short stint at a bakery outlet. On 1st July, I shall start a new job at A.W.W.A, I had applied twice on 2 different openings at 2 different time wave, getting it, is almost a dream. Alhamdulilah. On spirituality, had I not asked a former colleague, I would not been this far to be part of the family at Masjid T. It was not an easy route, rocky initially but no one says it will be a breeze especially to earn HIS blessing. I learn to be more patient, mindful and giving and make many wonderful friends though I know not all are happy with me. who cares. Spending my few carefree days here, besides paying my fasting dues, my mom had been nagging on the curtains making. Hope to be done by this week. oh yeah, cant wait to write more.

So long

Too long a period not updating this journal that I had to seek for password recovery assistance, hehe....forgotten all about logging in.

After much difficulty and negotiation, I gotten the job.
It would be my 3rd month there in mid Dec, so far it has been great. I love my colleagues, the work is manageable....all are fine except for the boss (everyone seems not to like her style) and air-con, of all the things that matter.

I caught colds too often...so often that i can safely mention that I am well for only 2 weeks there. I'm seeing the family GP for consultation and opinion, I hope no further tests are needed.

Currently im on study and revision mode. My last 2 accounting modules and the last ones with my project kakis. Gonna miss them...

Its true that the beginning and the ending would be the hardest. Into my final years in this degree program, finding it more difficult to hang on. The saddest part is that I will be the only left one to complete my final 2 next trimester...though we will be graduating and putting on the regalia together - cant wait for the ceremony.

My desire to relocate would be just wishing upon a star....nobody seems eager to join me.

The disheartening moment..today i received a job from the Uni to join a public listed company in Ozie..if only it happens 10 years ago :(

Hard Times

To get it, is so difficult, letting it go is worse.
I got an offer from a reputable organisation (a day after the interview - thats fast) only to let it go cos i cant afford or rather im not willing to pay my current employer 2 months of my pay...that will cost me a bomb! They want me to start almsot immediately...why oh why!

I think it's a sign that the market is picking up and that i have to give notice without securing a job first....so far no company is willing to wait, not even me paying a month to the current one...a month is not good enough.........


*********************************
New passion - Bags!

Oh yes, the parcel is finally here...im so in love with my sophie tote bag fm KS.
my 3rd and hopelly d final purchase fm KS for now is on the way.....

Trying not to get so addicted with online shopping....all these purchases are my needs really....not desires...ha!

Updates

Been away from this blog, yet again for quite sometime.
However, been updating status both at FB & Twitter. That too can be improved.

Tomorrow would be my 3rd interview since late July. I hope all goes well and if I get it, I hope this has been arranged by HIM for my best. I can only try, I have no knowledge for the future.

The first interview was such a disappointment, was so sure I had made it.
I was really not that hopeful for the 2nd one, firstly i dont like the smirk on one of the interviewer's face and i hated to be treated that i was really trying hard to get it...the way they asked as if they deserve better applicants than me.

Suit urself, even if they were to call me, i WILL reject them flat. first time ever in any interviews, i was not looking forward to hear any favourable reply!!

Im waiting for the exams results to be out any moment now, I hope to score better than expected.

Fasting month this year has been great so far. The fact that I made effort to utilise the time with volunteering work, attending class on weekends and try to perform terawih prayers as much as I can....I hope I will endure till the month ends.

So fast we are already in the 2nd week of Ramadhan, I wish this holy month could stay longer. I really do :)

Back to life

A short getaway with my sisters the past days had really energized me.
I can forget about the damn work for a while. If only it meant forever.
I was looking forward to this trip, hoping when I returned, I would receive good news.

BUT What did i get? "rejection, Unsuccessful, In Process And Kept for future reference"

I cant tell how much weary it was to be kept waiting. I thought I could endure few months more, but after the appraisal, 2nd year no increment and pathetic bonus, no reason to stay longer.

I had never felt so heavy leaving home to office.
Never felt so lazy to wake up to get ready for work.
Never had so much hatred to see my superior.

Its the little things that make it happen.
So particular, so fussy and so mindful over minor things that I feel that I'm a child once again.

Treat me like what you want others to treat you. Is it so hard for a mother of 3 like you???

wellness

I choose to believe that its Allah's will that I get to know this distributor for M-a-q-u-i juice. Having read through the website, I did not hesitate to have a try.
Its quite pricey but if I chose to be a member, I'll purchase them at a discounted rate.

Its been 5 days, so far no major development. Apart from me getting sweaty and my constipation is not as bad as it used to. Maybe, for the past days, I have been fasting, I didnt drink that much water either.

I have just enrolled to be a member and for the sake of the discounted price, I decided to be a distributor. Enrolment via online is a breeze, I have my own website. like real.

Im not interested on business level. Was suggested that I should attend the expo. Tts for my own consumption and well-being.


I hope this juice works for me, after all the many trials and errors.

The thing that makes me go...sigh...

Yesterday marked the 3rd time I was appraised, which significantly meant my 3 year residency at my workplace.

I prayed hard that this time she will not pour our more nonsense than ever.

Sounds silly, but yes, I had been reciting doas since Sunday night, to ease and loosen up the usual tight up situation with her on Monday.

Alhamdulilah, it was much better than the previous. I dont even bother to comment on her performance (it was a 2 way appraisal, ya see), conveniently marking her the usual '4' for all.

Her last statement makes me wonder if my presence was ever wanted here.....
"complete your degree first, if we cannot offer you what you had requested, then go elsewhere...."

First, when asked to sponsor for my studies, i was told I may not be able to complete the bond for reason that I may be sought after with the newly obtained qualification.

And now, this statement from her when I suggested a flexible working arrangement.

SO! to conclude...I am moving on! Thank you for all these years, I gain and lose nothing.

cant she says something more positive...some kind of political game as usual.

sigh..sigh..sigh!

Stay Over at Alia's & Ez's 10th Bday

Slept over at Alia's to celebrate Ez's bday on 12/6/2010.
Didnt sleep well, its true as the saying goes...home still sweet home.

Initial plan was to custome order her cake, but she requested for home made ice cream cake from me. It was all whiped off on her actual day....well, it was not really a nice looking one. will upload if i feel like it later.............

Instead I ordered fm cousin Nana for a customised princess theme towel cake.
Toileries set, towel, pyjamas, blanket n bathrobe wrapped nicely like a cake :)

heavy weight

I am pissed off with myself.
With the accumulating fats in me.
I am getting heavier by the days.
It irritates me each time people commented on my round figure.

It's the same words almost everyday..yeah i know im fat, dont have to remind me again.

I even told off mak this morning...she kept saying about my back...told her what she expects me to do. Im already so stress with my work and studies...cant u all give me some time to sort matter. I can't do all in one. Im not a superwoman!

Talking about study...Im so disappointed with my study schedule, if there is any to begin with.

How timely the class test to coincide with the closing.

Excuses! I have to be more organises. Period. Im not gonna give up.

Weird Dreams

For the past few days, been having disturbing dreams.

I dreamt of a CSPS mate I.B, was informed in my dream twice by twinny and S.h.e.d.a.h to read at the orbituary column on her passing away. I was numbed. shocked.

I woke up feeling loss and so depressed. The first thing i did was to log into Fb account and checked on her. So relieved that she is all well and fine. Been doing so, to see if her status spelt for trouble. so far so good. Alhamdulilah.

And last night, I dreamt of losing my favourite cousin, Bg Nin (favourite since he is ever so pleasant, unlike my other male cousins who are so b-i-t-c-h-y).

My aunt called to ask for my mum, sounded so urgent and sad. I knew something must have terribly went wrong. My cousin passed away due to sudden serious illness, which i had no idea what it was. I cried, sobbed and wept so hard. Even scolded his eldest sister for being childish....(seriously i dont know why i had chided her).

The dream lasted so long being me looking for a suitable baju kurung and tudung...i saw in the mirror that i had donned on a white tudung sotong and plain pink kurung. Somehow I never get to reach the place, I was being held up here and there. Even my late cousin bg Razak was there waiting for me to drive us all to the funeral....

Weird, scary huh? wonder what was it all about......spooky feeling!!

May Allah protects us all from all evils. Amin.

Missing Holy M

I wanna go there again.
May Allah ease our way to HIS kingdom. Amin.

work no life

Been rushing since last week - what with the month end closing and the starting of the taxation module.

Im very disappointed with the way I handle my study schedule.
Up and down with the figures at work, when i reached home, all I can afford to "revise" is to flip the pages, tag the subjects matters and arrange my notes. That's all!!

I can assure that coming to class cannot be any sotong...no prior preparation.

The good news is, I have jsut completed my accounting task, and tonight's class shall be our last for the taxation. 2 weeks break before MA module to start.

I will make sure that the 2 weeks break to be utilitised to the max. Revision and family time since its a school holiday.

Not sure our plan to sleepover at Port Dickson is to be materialised.
I do not want to pin so much hope since E is also busy with his schoolwork.

Ezzaty did well for her studies- 4* & 3A..score B for her english. She promises to improve. Can see she really tried - buying english books and reading anything in english. Its only that she has no confidence to speak.

Looking forward to the long weekends,tomorrow is vesak day....im storming in the kitchen again.

It's good time to celebrate E's 38th Bday too...I've decided not to bake him any cake....i know it will not turns out well :)

Graduation gown

Ezzaty had fun putting on Munyra's gown for her graduation ceremony on 17 May. (its Jk's Bday, Ani & Aliah's wedding anniversary..all in one..wow)

She pretended that she had completed her studies at Al-Azhar University...Amin, May it comes true!

My Philips

Got myself a food processor for my own Mother's Day gift. LOL.

Eversince Ani left, I'm trying my best thought how limited my time is to try out simple yet delicious recipes so that I can share the joy of cooking and baking with her.

This food processor will ease the mixing process. Hands free from now! :)))

Results

Final Exams results are out but not for my modules.

I feel abit inferior knowing my peers excel - getting distinctions and high distinctions seem so easy for them.

I'll try harder for the remianing 6. The past modules were fairly average - mixture of pass, credit and a distinction.

I hope I had fared better for the previous two. I've scored the highest during class test, even AH expected me to get HD, so I hope not to disappoint him.

I've got the green card to be excused from the retreat. I've forwarded whatever documentation I had to prove that my case is genuine and that I had gone through whatever possible alternatives.

Life is not getting any easier for me here. She is revengeful. Not now but later, she'll get back to me. I'm so immuned to her system.

I dont care anymore!

Tweets

I almost forgotten that I had a twitter account. Many times I mentioned about twitting more than blogging, the actual fact is i had only posted less than 50 in a year!!

Its time like this when tasks at work is completed, ive got time to read the archives...

I read through Ani's tweets... I can so feel for your frustration :(((

I wish I can hug her again...

Maybe bcos it was u that had to leave that we dont feel so much of the dragness not until on the actual day.

Many times u told us how much u hated to fly back, we thought its only right for u to be with your family, but we forget to understand our bonding.....I think I will be feeling the same way if I were the one to leave all of u behind.

All of us here pray that we will stay together again...indulging on things we love, just like those days when all of u were in spore :)

Perseverance will pay off one day. Amin!

fun time

Thanks to Mun for this video. Glad the kids are and know how to entertain themselves while the parents are at work. hmmmm.....gonna miss this when they are all grown ups and start to do things on their own...i hope they will still be that sticky to us. i really hope.

Skype in the air

I have heard many times about SKype. Never get around to get to know this application better not until Ani left for Denver. Been hearing good stuff about it as in no charges and how close we could be when communicating.

How true! Even Mak teared when she saw Firdaus upclose and personal.
She could not continue because she knew how Firdaus felt when he first saw us on the screen. It just that he could not speak to express his "lost" of not seeing us for so many weeks already. He must have said where were you all this while?

I'm so excited abt this skype thingy...I hope it helps us in the long run on controlling the tel charges incurred.

Long distance relationship is never easy - cost, time and heart pain.

Now & Then _ 2007 & 2009

Bad weather

There are thunders and lightnings.
Not sure if i can go back later, with the heavy downpour.
I'm not so worry of getting myself wet, im worried of my safety.

Only a day I had to work late to complete my work, but the effect of not getting enough sleep drags for so long. Masih pening2x lalat! Very weak that right after lunch, I did not do much except for filing and flipping my notes.

Have not informed the superior about me not be able to make it for d stupid retreat.

I just had to go for long medication on that days....after all, i have medical records of not being able to withstand heat and no outdoor activity...that will help.

As much as i try not to lie, I guess in this situation, I had to.
Amicable excuse is a big NO...how to soften the hearts to understand that at this point of time, my study is more important, they make it sound as if I try to avoid all gatherings on purpose. Am I such a person?

The heavy rain and loud thunder right now are as if to console me so as not to worry so much.

I hate to have conflicts with the people at work. Im not a trouble maker...its just that each time there is a retreat, I would have something more important to attend to. Its purely coincidences. Believe me!

love to hate

I think I will be back home @ 2130hrs.
I really felt like giving my boss a tight slap.
Its only 20/4, and he called to ask if the accounts is ready.
Then whats the whole point of giving deadline on 23/4?!

He took away half a day of my Monday to attend his stupid meetup, and expect me to expedite.

Im not sure how long i can endure with this stupidity. Someone had passed remark that I was outspoken during meeting. If asking for my rights is considered outspoken, what if I were to tell the boss right in the face that he is such an a**! outrageous, huh?

One incident after another that discourages me to stay on here till graduation.
But how to leave without a job, I do not want to be in that situation again.

sigh....not sure how long. can't wait to go elsewhere. Ive seen the worst, but this is so unprofessional.

Your leave been deducted on your non working day because you just cannot attend the company function - "its my son's orientation for his first day, for goodness sake!"

You are not allow to attend lessons and have to skip 4 lectures due to a compulsory company retreat - its only in Melaka, idiot!

You have to rush from the exams hall because the boss wants you to hand deliver the vendor's cheque - why cant u do it yourself since you are already there?!

on purpose or what?!!

life cycle

Im still at work. Its that time of the month when I have to complete the task BEFORE the stipulated time. Funny how, after every closing of accounts, I never fail to allocate the next month's duties but yet each month, time is not on my side.

Meeting, training, etc - all these took away my precious time.

I hate to stay back, but it's better to sacrifice now than to SUFFER with all the naggings....being treated like a small kid all over again. Darn!

Im looking forward to the days when working is a choice. Not a must.
Not so hard like now. Too many commitments.

When will it be is not the question.
I'm more interested to know if I will ever be in that laidback easy life situation.

Worried to see the old folks going around collecting tins to make ends meet :((
I fear of that. Let me go through hardship now when Im still healthy and can rely on my other families members to help around. Not when I am alone, sickly and no trusthworthy soul to depend on. I'm too scare to think of that.

Eddris started his school yesterday. First day is never easy.
I can anticipate that all of us will be fighting for his time and attention.
Plans must be prepared ahead to avoid disappointment. Sounds so familiar, was that the scenario 3 years ago?

Sleepover + Selamba Party

Ani,

I was not feeling well on the day I had to sit for exams.
My head was heavy, felt as if oxygen was not able to make it through.
My chest felt hard, as if there was a huge rock sitting on it.

Mak was telling me not to think so much.
Its hard at this time when I had to recall the facts memorised. I was too afraid of blank out in the exams hall and a sudden memory loss.

Had to be there from 2pm-10pm - 1st paper was fm 2pm-4pm, 2nd paper was fm 7pm - 10pm and its on weekend-saturday! In between, I was having cold feet and diarrhoea..

All in all, though I could not remember all, at least I had something to write, took it from there and tried my best to explain...Thank Goodness,Allah has mercy on me. One was an open book paper while the other paper carried only 50% weightage, so I was not that worry.

After exams, family fetched me from school to Lia's crib. It was squeezy in that small car with everybody including Bibik...hahah! Imagine, Mak fell asleep, Bibik feeling terrible due to motion sickness, Najmi stared hard while Ezzaty and Munyra could not stop talking...I was not even listening to what Edd was saying..good reason to upgrade to a MPV..sigh, like real.

Alia's home is almost settled, Munyra will be helping her out till Tuesday or Wednesday. Wonder how will she survive without internet connection.

We stayed overnight there. But could not sleep well, it was cold, too cold for comfort and I was awaken every hour, Mun was coughing hard..all of us except for Edd slept in airconditioned rooms...and most of us prefer fans to aircons. Mak, myself and Bibik took panadol to ease our sudden headache.

The kids were happy, running around, didnt bother them that we adults were busy unpacking the boxes. So carefree, how I wish adulthood is as that stress free. The atmosphere was like those days we moved to Hougang.....the past really taught us alot.

Had a small impromptu birthday gathering for our nephew Aisy. I sent ur kisses and hugs to him, he gave me that "OOOh, thats nice of you look" but I quickly told him, Im not doing that cos he's being mischievous,heheh!

Will update the photos in FB soon...had to get back to work.
Wasted half the day attending that silly meeting.

Oh yes, I tried the circle line today on my way fm home to Eunos.
Its faster and can avoid that draggy feeling of how many more stations to reach...lesser crowd.

Cant help to think of you cos there is a "Lorong Chuan" station.
Its getting more convenient. And Im now beginning to be like you.
I dont mind working in non Raffles place area anymore.

Sleepness

Ani,

These days I've been waking up in the wee morning.
Would go to Mak's bedroom the one u used to sleep and lay next to Mak. Everything in this room reminds me of you...can really visualise how u sleep here :)
Mak never fails to wake up and we would soon end up chatting away till subuh.

This morning, we talked about our past - our childhood struggle without father figure, our life journey from AMK to Hougang - how all of us helped one another to come out from the life we dreaded. How we had shared to build new life in Hougang. and how you had scrifice alot since young for us. Of course, we cried in between ....Thank you Ani!

I cleared off my chest the pain n hurt endured all these years getting sarcasms from our relatives. I recalled how they tried to make things difficult for us, I told Mak what she was not aware of..like them treating us as if we didnt like them....like how they refused to help us when we needed them...nak kena suruh ke?
I'm glad to let it out to her...to tell her what actually they had said to me that she didnt know.

I prefer it this way now that we are independent. We dont owe them anything. But words never come nice from them..you know who lah....

Ani, we have planned out that we would like to experience Ramadhan and Eid with you over there....May Allah S.W.T ease the path. Amin. Its really a good idea, even Mak is for it. But dun know when...hope it will be soon, yah.

I'm sitting for 2 papers tomorrow. Cannot really concentrate to revise, glad been reading the notes every now and then.

Pray for my success. I'm doing all this for all of us :))

Call

I tried many times to call Ani this morning.
Finally received her sms that she will be reaching her place soon.
Im glad that eveything went well so far despite the very long journey and many stopovers.

I informed mak, she had few things to tell her, so I called her soon after.
Im so glad to hear her voice. It's been like almost the 3rd day already.
Both of us could not continue, just too sad n overwhelmed....

I told her how much we owe her and that we love her very much.

I'm glad that she's been very positive and look forward to a happy beginning.

Ani, we pray that your life will turn out the way you had hoped for.
You had sacrificed alot to manage and keep your family united.

We can never repay you for your company and generosity all this while.

LIfe is full of uncertainty but this time round, you are no longer in doubt.
We are all behind you though its hard to cope with this separation.

You are the Greatest Sister that we are blessed to have :)

Hug

Ani,

After reading your journals, I cried all my way home from work.
I cannot wait to share with Mak.

I could not control my tears and burst out telling her how everybody at home has actually indirectly neglect u - emotionally.

Mak realised we were all too busy with our commitments that we became somehow selfish towards you. We cried and hugged for the longest time. We are sorry, Ani! I'm extending Mak's hug to you as well...*hugs*

I dont remember getting a hug from her like this. We rarely had this mother daughter moment...We are always on the lookout for the rest. Mak will want me to be strong cos I'm the eldest so I seldom cry and hug her...The most we ever do would be if Mak was ever unhappy about something, she would share with me, likewise I will look for her if I am not pleased with something.

I thought I was strong enough but it shows I do need a shoulder to cry on.

Mak told me to be strong and recite Alfateha as a sedekah for you.
That you will be much happier there with your family.

I know I had said it abruptly that I may not see u there for the fear of the long journey and cold weather...It seems that I had to take my words back.

I'm saving up to see u .... May we will be reunited soon...:))

Truth hurts

I should stop reading the past.
It hurts more than to heal.

I wanted to ease this ache of losing someone.
So I went through her FB and her past journals.

Ani, why didnt u tell me u need someone to bring u out?
Why didnt u tell me u enjoy going for movies?
Why didnt u tell me u long for siblings' outing as often as we could?
And why have u decide to keep it to yourself?

I may always here for you but I wont know whats inside u.
I cannot see the signs. I was blinded by commitment.

We fail to see your frustrations.
We take your silence for granted.

No any 2 days are alike.
I thought for that day when I asked you, you were not keen, I ASSUME you will not interested for other days too...

I read with tears how you were so happy when I shared my bonus payout and brought you for movies :)

**********************

I'm sorry i didnt bring you out for retail therapy often.
U know i seldom shop, I would just buy whatever needed after work and rushed home BUT it does not mean I wont be with you when u need someone to shop around.

I'm sorry I didnt ask you to tag with me, I was always rushing BUT u can always tell me you need me to accompany you. I can always reserve my non working time for u.

Most of the time I feel I am a loner, no one to turn to for a company, so i rush home... I always thought by being home often is good enough to keep you company....now i realise at times we need to be out from home...to let go of the routine. Having Coffe outside is much better for both of us...*sigh*

I'm truly sorry for getting annoyed at your whinings, your outburst of frustrations cos I didnt know you had that much to endure.

I simply thought u were impatient.

All my assumptions were wrong...I thought You were happy.

Now I realise that Im very far from being a good sister.
If anyone would come to me to say I have failed to support you, it has never been this right:(

Now its too late!

No chat box!

I will have to get Mun's help to put up a chat box friendly template.

This default template is so ..........unproductive!!

Latest news

I gotten a sms from Ani this mroning @ 6.44am to be exact.
She had safely reached San Francisco, Alhamdulilah.
Firdaus had been very good, slept throughout, so glad for her.

Weather is cold down there, she mentioned.
Im worried for her leg. She fell down the stairs few weeks back. I also aware that she had this rheumatism symptom, her body cannot resist cold, just like myself.

Adib will drive them all the way to Denver. An alternative to cope with the jetlaggedness....another flight would be too tiring for all of them.

Stay positive Ani, once u settle down, we will skype each other!

OUR PIX OVER THE YEARS..... notice that im always on ur left..its shows u r my right man..miss u already :((

Dejavu

I had this urge to change the template setting.
What I did was to click "the revert to old template"...AND

My blog goes back to 2006 template, the year when Ani was still in Hougang, the year
I was with N-C-S, one of the shortest employment contract I had and the worst I must say, the year Munyra went by the name of Monika, the year I was only 32.....even my chatbox shows old chat messages....down to memory lane :(

2006 - Its been almost 4 years since my struggle to get a better job, and sad to say I am still struggling to get out of this executive position, the one that I had managed to land into after hardwork of completing my diploma and braved myself to test the market.

I'm climbing the professional ladder....slowly but surely like one of my FB friend had said. Hesitate at first but since Im getting sick of being an executive..better start on something.

Its a tiring process...I have no regrets but full of anticipation for my future. Will I get the job once I graduate? How long?How much? Where?

For sure, I do not want to be like this for the longest time.

Mind over matter

I was contemplating to delete this blog.
No motivation to update regularly because I'm always on FB or Twitter.
But this procrastination prove to work for me this time.

This blog shall serve as the mirror for my inner thoughts for my sister, Ani who has gone to Colorado to join her family...its like a dejavu, been in this situation almost 2 years ago when she first left.

Her plan was not accomplised when she was expecting our little nephew Firdaus. She came back to join us - a great comfort for us but on the other hand, her life definitely had turned 360 degree and I could understand her frustration at times, being a single mom all far away from the support of a complete family.

Ani, we are glad to be there for you but I know our assistances, most of the time are not enough to substitute for your loss being away from your loved ones.

People asked around on ur status, people were so curious on what you were doing at home, and many more what people want to know about you here....I know its hard for you to have to tell the whole tale over and over again. I myself could not even utter a word if pple starts to ask bout you....i dont feel like saying a word.

Ani, we may looked as if we were nonchalant on your situation, but trust me, we REALLY care for you.

I would like to apologise for everything I did that might caused you to feel leftout. Been having flashback since you left on how busy I have been lately especially the months u were preparing to go back, that the next thing I would want to do on my rest day is to be with my family :(

I thought being in the same house is good enough for our bonding, I had overlooked how we should be going out alone often....sigh sigh. Just like those days when you were in Hougang, we would called up each other for dates.....I missed doing that!

Where was I all this while, eversince Firdaus came, we had very, really very few occasions together...I could only recall the time we watched THis Is IT movie....that was the last one...How long was that!?

Mak has told me how at times you were just too afraid to talk to me because I was having bad days, but trust me I never meant anything if I had raised my voice.it was not at you...I blew it out of my frustations on my workplace, colleague...etc......

I was too, quite reluctant to have few words at home with you especially from the beginning of this year, you were so busy doing ur own thing that I thought you were already in ur comfort zone...I just dont feel like distracting you..i dont know why.

i didnt realise you must be bored the whole day....I was already exhausted at the end of the day, that I didnt notice you were with me, for many times that I came home, only to eat, with d kids and then off to my room....forgive me...i didnt mean to neglect u...I conveniently took it for granted for your silence.

It is not easy to stay under same roof with so many people around, so many hearts to care for..but i have no complaints. Honestly i cannot get used to the quietness for not having both of u with us anymore....:(

I have never bothered if Firdaus will damage the household items, I think you were afraid that you will be a burden to us when you scolded Firdaus for getting near the tv console. U should have realised that most of the time I kept quiet because I dont mind it at all....so i hope you will stop feeling bad.

Maybe next time I will NOT keep quiet if i dun mind, pple might think I was very particular....Really, its just the opposite.

U r my sister, i thought you shld have known me better.

Ache

All of us hate to have to go through this again - separation anxiety.
It'll be very selfish of us if things remain the same.
How I wish we could turn back the time, to change the twist of fate so that everyone is happy.
No tears, no heartaches, no regrets, no sorrows....

This time I am a lesser of a cry baby.
I'm stronger to let her go for the sake of a complete family.
I know I had tried my best even if it is far from being a perfect big sister.

For every separation, there would be sense of loss. Half of me is gone...to take her presence for granted time and again....Im such a lousy human being!

For sure, I will not have someone to sleep with me when I am all alone. I used to ask her to sleep besides me when no one is willing to share my bed with whenever the spouse is on night shift.

Gonna miss you Ani, I'll pray that we will never be separated again....not sure how, I'd pray for another twist of good fate..Amin!

Our last dine out...I promise we will go out more often in the future :)

I had penned down 2 journals and both disappeared just like that!!

What more to write?? I need my sleep and hate to be misunderstood!

Misunderstood

No one likes to be misunderstood. All i did was to give my sincere and innocent point of view to a very old friend of mine. The spouse misunderstood that I had been giving her advices blindly for their situation. They were in the midst of separation.

I was not sure initially, not until this friend of mine kept posting sad and negative status. I took the courage to sms her and was surprised that she was open about her marriage woes. What she had mentioned was more than enough, I did not asked any further. Instead, from time to time I have been giving her encouragement to face the world in a positive light though I know deep inside it will not be easy and it will takes much longer time to heal her wounds. furthermore, their separation is in the midst of counseling. I pray for the best, hoping for conciliation.

Being the happy go lucky person she has always been, there were times I would make fun of her status and she would play along with her nonsensical remarks. Never did I imagine the spouse was unhappy, thinking all those status/remarks were directly meant for him.

He countered attacked mentioning that I should be wise and neutral handling a situation which I was not aware of who is right and wrong, instead I made things worse with all those encouragement to his wife's mean remarks towards him. The thing I detested most is when he had to mentioned that all these should not be coming from someone who knows about religion knowledge.

I pretended to act blur, pretended that he directed such remarks to someone else.

I have better things to do that to poke my nose into your pathetic marriage woes.
I have never once spoke to you and what right do you have to accuse me like that.
Don,t mention about religion when you know nothing or should i say wants to know zero about it.

#578

I went ahead to enroll for MA & Taxation last night together with P & S.
Will have to find a suitable time to send the email - the reply, whether if it is favouable or otherwise, does not matter anymore.

Its my future, my time and my money that are more important than your stupid retreat.

I am not sure what action to be taken against me, whatever it is, its worth the sacrifice.

I have got 4 more modules before the end of this degree journey, its definitely not a smooth sailing and pleasant one. Like I-V-Y had mentioned, not everyone is supportive of our decision. I definitely see the truth in her words.

Superiors are being unreasonable, some friends are being sarcastic (i don't regard them as friends, good thing we are world and far apart - will keep it that way) while others cant wait to see the worst of me.

I am sick of their so called authoritiveness (if there is even such a word). Using no nonsense tactic to gain subordinates' co-operation is totally out dated. We will retaliate even more.

When will they ever realize that their management style needs to improve. Its not just us that need to be sent for courses, you need them even more!

#577

I hate my boss!!

Allahu Akbar, only HE knows what Im going through :((

#576

Its all true about brain magnet theory which i learned during the 3 days course @ SIM. Dejavu, pure coincidence or telepathy...call it what you want....its happening to me right now and its not EVEN good!

I had all planned nicely, research and assignment done all way before the due date, got this feeling that something somehow gonna screw up at the eleventh hour, bingo!!

Who would have thought to get back our reviewed assignmnent 2 days before the submission date,to make matter worse, we had to submit to this system which will do a check on plagiarisms....had a shock of my life....!! 53% similarities to the papers submitted by students from polytechnic and SIM!....I dont even know anyone there and our works were identical!! How can it be possible??

Had only 3 hours of sleep...not even a good one, dreamt of something in lecture rooms, getting the wrong codes whatsoever....my mind was really active after almost 2hours of editing task.

Then another big problem, resubmitting for the checks take a lifetime....its been 10 hours now, i have not gotten the result yet....worse, the review indicated i had less programs indicated..more researches to include.....heck care...no time to re-do!

Im really in no mood to expedite on my work though I will be missing in action from office for the self retreat cum family treat to KL. 2 days shorten plus a day company training (AGAIN)...i can foreseen coming to the office in weekends again :(

Many things on my mind..so i have done some tasks in advance.
I know i look n sound kiasu, i've already packed my stuff since last week.
I do not want to be packing my stuff in front of the spouse, he will sure want us to share a backpack....been doing that for the past trips, this time i want the bag all for myself...sound childish, yeah, we are kids at heart. He insists at times to follow his way but most of the time my ways are BETTER!!

My health is improving - I guess the daily intake of carrot juice does wonders.
Friends been telling me I'll get jaundice (???) and my skin will turn orange..had done a check on the internet....I will only get them for a large volume of consumption..not 2 glasses or 500ml a bottle a day! Almost get myself worried for nothing....orangey tudung girl....hahah!

Azima n Adib are here with us....in less than a month Ani will be leaving us. Im happy to see them reunited, family should stay close together and this time, we are more prepared to see Ani migrating. I'm looking forward to the days to pay them a visit in Spring (Not Winter - cannot stand cold).

So, the next big question is, money, money?!
Degree faster get, urgghhh!

#575

Its like a monthly thing for me here....blogging only once a month.

I have yet to consult GP for my eye treatment. It seems okay for now. Been teary and itching since Friday. Too busy to spare time for consultation. I was occupied with Company Law Test on Saturday and Najmi's 4th birthday celebration on Sunday.

I was expecting Najmi to be all embarrassed BUT didnt expect him to wail so loud after we sang him the birthday song......he shuns any attention, just does not like to be the center of all eyes.

We are coming to the 1/4 of 2010 already, I have yet to receive any favorable reply from those applications. I just have to be persistent and not give up...I no longer see my perseverance and determination like 3 years ago....oh dear, I hope I will not stuck in my comfort zone.

I'm getting the hang of the 2 modules, I hope to get distinctions from them. I guess it will be the last time I would be this relax throughout the course of this degree program.
But im so not looking forward to Audit and taxation.

All of us will be going to Kl (yes, AGAIN!).haha...i know it sounds crazy, even A was telling me to divert my destination elsewhere. Well, to be travelling with 6 pax, going on flight will not be that cheap though its on budget airline. Anyway where else, can all of us enjoy the perks of bargaining power and have it all HALAL!

Furthermore, we love to be on the roadtrip. I will be taking turn with Eddris to control the steering wheel. My license turns one on 26 Feb, I have more confidence on the road now compare to last year when we went up to KL.

I just love the feeling of getting up early, dump all our bags in the boot and off we go in the cold quiet morning, with our sweaters and all. Stopping over for breakfast, toilet breaks and looking forward to have a good rest in the hotel. I have booked for a family suite in Mak's favourite spot - Jalan Masjid India. I cant wait to get a bite of Subway and A & W!!!

It really does not matter where is the destination, importantly, we enjoy ourselves!

March holiday, please come fast!

#574

J at the workplace was terminated. The one i ever mentioned that betrayed my trust. I thought the episode of distrust is over but i was far from right. Because of the recent discovery n subsequent report to d mgmt, i was also called up to share my experience. i was then questioned for not bringing the issue to d top. Well, how would i know that d money i lent to her was to cover up her mismanagement of fund. Its through my guts feeling i found out she had indeed used it for her own consumption, unable to repay, start borrowing fm others which she successfully manage to get it fm me to coverup d shortfall. I DID shared my findings to her superior, if she chose not to report for d fact money'had been banked in and now clearly it was a personal issue bet me n j...what more can i do? Anyway, i was not wrong, d boss mentioned i was under a special circumstance....i am glad that J was fired, its just d tip of iceberg...she even had the guts to ask for cashbox key in pretext of safekeeping, backstabbing her colleagues in order to execute her evil plans....and all of us were made like idiots being fooled to believe her fictional lame stories of bg overworked....she took d initiative to switch to early shift when no one was around...and all were told that her partner could not wake up early so she had to cover.....! Such a good actress but yet what she evr won was disrespect!

#573

Another month passed by just like that leaving this blog untouchable. I just dont feel updating...lazy, no mood and of course, Im into FB nowadays... :((

Well, I managed to pull through CFA paper as predicted.
I've scored my first distinction for HRE and hopefully I will be getting distinctions for all the electives and at least one or two core modules.

This trimester is quite a relaxing period for me. I dont have to attend crashed course. Such tormented period will be for the other 4 cores.....that, can wait. Meantime im enjoying the laidback moment as a part time mature student. :)))

Friends and niece who started later will be graduating earlier than me, sigh...what to do i can't get any faster than the 24 months duration.

Ed came back on Tuesday morning from Bali. Funny how he didnt seem to enjoy the trip. More surprising he bought for us girls dresses and a bag for my birthday. I really thought he will come home empty handed. Thank you. love the bag, its good for packing my books for class. so thoughtful.

I had attended 2 CSPS reunions, plan to have another one not too soon..err.... before Ani's departure. I hope everyone can make it.....it'll be a blast of fun!

Ezzaty had officialy khatam her Al-Quran reading . Alhamdulilah, earlier than I thought. Currently she is going through another round for tajwid. Well done, girl!

Najmi started his Nursery very badly. Its been 3 weeks, he only attended like less than 8 days. He had fever the first week for 5 days, and now 2 days away from school due to flu. I just recovered myself. The determination not to take any medical leave died as soon as I had that terrible headache.

This weekend I shall spend time revising for the mid term test in Feb2010. Been busy with R & R - jogging, watching movies, lazing around, coffee breaks, etc....should be enough. or more to come *think*

Soon in April I'll be sitting for the final exams and yes, I will be down with 6 modules. Half of the battle is won! :))

Should i complete all by this year? Not sure if i can manage..but the temptation to graduate in Perth in March 2011 is just too great.

We'll see...............

#572

Its been a long time....
exams is over, awaiting for the results. really, CFA paper sucks big time.
Allocatioon of class for the next trimester are out, im so glad AH will be taking over the class. I had heard rumours that he could not make it.

My long lost friend F found me in FB...i've clarified certain issues with her..i guess she was drifted in her own world then. Not sure what prompted me...it just happen..i felt so good after telling her what was inside me all these years.

Looking forward to attend another CSPS reunion with new faces this coming friday, too bad sue n fath cannot join in. i hope it turns out well.

Funny how FB should make us all so close yet i had decided to delete a high school friend from my list..too much of her preachings...thank you but i dont need it coming from your big mouth.

Najmi will be going to his nursery in few days time....I pray he will NOT throw his tantrum...i really hope he will enjoy himself and get to know new friends. He grows so fast..im not ready to let him go...really :(((

#571

it sucks to be interogated that way. she's definitely lose my respect. Look at the way she asked question, so bloody rude and the funny thing was instead of wanting to keep the matter p n c, she let the cat out of the bag....what a joke? Do u classify someone asking another casually if she's leaving the company as p n c? Lame rite!? Oh god, she,s definitely the worst boss, not to mention horrifying human being!!!

# 570

I was left with no choice but to leave the class during the second half of the 3 hour lecture. When Mr Lee asked if I was heading home, told him with the guilt on my face that I was gonna do my project. I heard the whole class went "Awww..." in disbelief as i rushed towards the door.

Our submission deadline is due next Wednesday, we had no other day available for meet up. This is the best alternative.

Had a good talk with Ivy - shared with her my difficulties as a matured student,not so much about coping with stress but handling bad situations with our bosses. She had a good point there, since the company is not sponsoring my studies, why do I have to compete for my time. Why do I have to fight for my right when its clear that I am right to upgrade myself.

The examination leaves that I am entitled does not compensate me well enough for the hardship I had to endure from her. So from now onwards, I shall declare to the management I have given up. Pretend I'm no longer pursue my dream.
So that they will no longer able to demoralize me.

I simply cant understand, aint them support life long learning?
Then, where is the encouragement?
All I ever get is - Its too late to go back to school now, your time is up!

569

i need to do some serious evaluation on my study techniques, just not gd enuff! Been holding on to the same notes but nothing concrete goes in. And ive got another team assignment task to execute..thats the big hurdle to my smooth revision, damn! Im reporting to work in the afternoon, bg assigned to usher for/d k2 grad, hope wont have to deal with nasty parents!

#568

Both ani & myself got e63 mobiles today. There are 3 of us at home having the same hps. Ani n Mun gotten the exact ruby red while i opted for the latest white.
Been wanting a white mobile for quite sumtimes and finally after much thought to give up my N85. That phone is just not meant for me....sob sob sob!

Attended the training on sunday, i expected the expected..boo boo..so much for something different. Anyway, Im glad they enjoyed the food i had catered.

I was almost late for the HRE mid test on saturday....so much on reliance on others. No more next time. All in all, i manage to answer all though not satifactorily...

Our dining set came in a week earlier, manage to revise the few hours there...hehe!

Im sorting out my time for an effective learning and study. Final exams will be in less than a month. I'm worried for CFA paper....hope to pull through above passing rate.

567

Im here in this state again,yup ive got test on sat. So much drama 2b excused fm d company's training 2 sit 4 d test. Didnt expect d big boss was not told of my situation. Si bos betina plak mati2x nak aku join after my test,macam takleh nampak aku senang.suka hati lu lah,gua pun tak lama. I hope d tax seminar attended yesterday wld come in handy. One gd news, we'll have a proper dining set nxt wk. Ive ordered a custom made huge table 4 our big family, we dont have 2 squeeze like we do now.also i could study in d living room, no more books scattered on d floors. Finally! Its been a 7 year wait.!

# 566

Holiday mood is over!!

Had a great time in Langkawi from 09/10-12/10/09...certainly will come back cos the island is so huge to cover all within 4 days.

We went at the right time, cable car station was re-opened to public 2 days before we reached. Had a fantastic time up there..ehhe!

Tiger Airways is so so...my first time boarding a budget airline..and it had to delay flight schedule due to technical problem..duh!

#565

I've submitted my topic for the team's project. I hope my team leader will not make me re-do my research.....i just hate to do such things!!

I'm so disappointed with one of the team members.
I didnt realised he is such a politician.
Sweet talked me into helping him in return to help out in my research.
Almost to the due date, no action from him, in fact he did not even bother to check his inbox. Which sets me to think that those words of "helping each other" is just N-A-T-O = no action talk only.

If he's the responsible type, why aint him be responding without being asked to?
If he's sincere in "helping one another", where are all his research on our topic?
If he's so serious on his OWN topic, why aint he checking his inbox after seriously asking me to tighten everything up?

Didnt expect a bootlicker to be so close yet so far away...i've alerted A so that he will not be the next victim. told him not to do extra work to help others on their research when he is all alone to do his...I've told him to concentrate to do only his part. Hopefully he will take my words to be careful of the bad wolf hidden underneath the chicken's feathers.....

I will try to complete whatever important tasks before the trip. I wanna enjoy myself fully there without having to worry. Its not easy to have such quality time with my family eversince I've started the bachelor progamme.

Im so looking forward to it, at the same time im so worried for not having the good plan to revise CFA!!! Exams will be in 2 months time....i almost forgotten what i had learnt last month.

HRE mid exams is due on Nov, 7th - the day i had to attend the company's training. As if to apply leave on your off day is not heartbreaking enough, I was made to report to work after the exams. SM is really getting to my nerves, it seems she aint so glad that im upgrading myself....make things difficult for me in every possible ways. I like to think that it's just my feelings but each time i evaluate the situation, the closer it is to prove she is being nasty!

#564

I cant seem to twit. it always hang!

First class of HRE module today - I was sceptical at first, began to have doubts that I may had made the wrong choice of my elective. The sight of the lecturer scared me, he looked stern and unfriendly.

Oh boy, I was so wrong! I had the best laughter and time seemed to pass so fast...3 hours was like 30 minutes....even the lecturer was asking me why I giggled so much!

Other great thing was he would focus more on exams, making sure we excel by focusing more on the mid test and final exams strategy. Unlike my other core modules, where we were left on our own to find ways to attempt the examinations. He mentioned that this module had the highest passing rate and he'll make sure our batch to excel like wise.

CFA's team work is facing crisis...4 out of 6 are working so hard while the 2 are no where to be found....all they did - ordering us around....my! so unfair!

#563 Salam Lebaran

Its the 3rd day of Eid.
Whats so special about this year? Well, cousins who have shunned us for almost a decade humbled themselves to our home yesterday. Ironically after their mum had gone to be with HIM, they've decided to step their feet into our home.

Ego aside, I think my late aunt would be very glad had they decided not to ignore us when she was still around. To make story short, they've realised its pointless to dwell into things which will not benefit all of us.

Mak was surprised that they came but the effect of so many years of absence made her feel uncomfortable to mingle around. Being the thick skinned i entertained and attended to them like those days.

But yeah, it will never be the same. The wound had healed but scar remained - ya know what i meant.

#562

So soon Ramadhan is leaving us. I must admit there isnt any great achievement for my ibadah.Class started and ended in the Ramadhan. I was very much occupied with that.

I managed to complete the financial statement. I was not sure if I would be able to complete within the time frame, was given a week shorter than usual. Alhamdulilah, thanks to ALLAH s.w.t, everything went smoothly, even SM was in good mood, she wanted me to clear the unrecorded leave given by the company before the Eid, so I will be on leave tomorrow. I'll accompany mak for marketing and off to buy the necessary items for the household.

Im putting off the research till after celebration, informed the gang that i'll be busy with the preparations. I need a break.

In 3 weeks time, 5 of us will be leaving for our short trip to Langkawi. Thanks to Mimi for her wedding invitation.

# 561

If others work hard, I have to work triple harder to be as good as what they had achieved.

I studied and revised for exams but I scored lower than those who never attended class!!

Understanding is the key word here. Study smart not hard.

Im trying ways to improve my grades for the rest of the modules...Im so clueless!!!

I almost broke down in front of everyone in the team just now...i cant even get the easiest question right...stupid or what!!

i need strategy to buck up!

#560

Had our 2nd class test today. I really hate MCQ! One word makes alot of difference and a whole different meaning to the statement. I scored 10 out of 24. Currently revising for our final class test tomorrow. Must improve.

The bond in the team is getting better except for 2 of them. I'm really glad to get to know them - not sure why but my buddy at school seem to be the minority, first it was K and now A!

I've decided to take up company law in the new trimester nxt year. A was assuring me that the paper isnt as bad as it seems. I thought of taking auditing, even Eddris becomes my consultant in giving me the advice of how to manage my study better. He encourages me to go for tougher paper in January cos its beginning of the year...i really dont see the connection leh..hahah!

I've been testing the market by sending few resumes, this time I'm applying for the analysis jobscope. So far only one company had replied, still it was a confirmation of going for the final review -> not even shortlisted.

Im looking forward to attend Mimi's wedding in Kedah in October, but I may have to miss it altogether since Mak is not keen to tag along, she insisted for me and eddris to go ahead but we used to be going out together, at least the 5 of us...Eddris was not that keen either if it falls during the examination period for Ezzaty.

Hope to be there and experience the different wedding atmosphere. and yeah, i was thinking of taking a flight but someone is keen to travel by land - its 10 hr journey! God, backside sure ache!!!!

#559

results of d final exams r out this morning.tks to ivy who alerted me. Alhamdulilah i manage 2 clear both papers but alittle let down by Tap's score. I was 2 marks away fm distinction.damn,he wld not give it 2 me. Cf is a manageable (dat killer mcq) though i was not really expecting a borderline.well,all in all i thanked Allah that i can move on 2 d other modules. My next 2 modules had started last wk, everythg is ok except 4 d teamwork,there'll bound 2b cönflicts n frictions.cant stand how youngsters work..

558

Kovy n dolly are in Dublin right now 4 their convocation this wkend.i wld be joining them if i did not change my course,no regrets though,it's just that mayb i wasnt wif them that i felt the time pass so fast 2 complete their studies,ending their challenging jourhney. Endurance is my greatest task right now,not only fm d coursewrk itself but the pressure fm my peers n some of d sarcasm i've gotten fm my colleagues.well,say what u want 2 say,it mayb hurtful,but at d end of d day, im not d öne who lose...at least ive tried,u? Talk n complain but no action is done,blah!

#557

Been very busy - exams preparations, revisions, notes, practical, tutorials etc..that i didnt realised that this blog has been neglected almost to a month.
Had a fair of bad and good news. I passed my CF midtest - got a credit, seriously the lecturer is being lenient, and now im preparing for the final exam which will be 7 more hoursfrom now.

I had done what i should - consistently revising and practising the questions though there were times i was away from my notes for awhile and yes almost give up, I've compensated with staying up late..I seriously want to pass through this CF paper.....does not matter anymore if im not getting distinction. just beyond my capability.

Today I am on urgent leave that i had not planned, well thanks to the staff dinner last night at Hyatt. I thought i could skip, SM was just being difficult!
Not my type of thing if the mgmt would like to award us..the ones having it all out are the managers themselves. WHy cant they give us the staff incentive in monetary value?

On 8.8.09, I received a bad news that a cousin passed on unexpectedly. The 3rd death news that I've gotten while I was in class. Though we seldom talk and in fact, we werent that close, to have a lesser members in the family is a sad thing.

The day before on 07.08.09, the much awaited reunion turned out great. Initially it was only me and Su who came in, I was so sure the rest will not turn up after receiving calls and sms that unexpected events popped up at the last minute. Glad that they made effort to turn up though much latter....

We had so much fun recalling those memories that I'll make sure the next reunion I would not highlight so much..i would not want to scare them off with what i know. I just happen to remember, but sounded so provokingly a stalker hahah..we had the time to ourselves minus the partners and children..even staying up till midnight !

okay gtg...im reading up my notes for the last time....Allah please enlighten my burden Amin:))))

#556

I'm typing this entry from my very own personalised netbook.
Been toying with the idea to purchase one for tutorial, Mac is just too bulky and not so user friendly (no windows installed, difficult to do assignments, had to do it from mun's laptop).

I've got a special deal purchasing this one. It has everything i want - light, ruby red, small and windows XP! Thanks to Azahar.

I no longer have to share with anyone - well, except for ED.

I've finalised the monthly report today, much earlier than the norm obviously due to the external audit. and of course, time like this, many entries had to be posted, many adjustment had to be passed and many silly requests from the boss had to be entertained. Just like today, asking me to alert the staff on cheques which had not been presented. Duh! There were all past the 6 months grace period, it'll be rejected by the bank anyway! Got the cheek to say im not knowledgeable, a kettle calling the pot black, afterall.

Sometimes I feel she is out to make my life difficult here. Too many occasions she did on purpose to get me back on personal grounds. sickening!!

#555

2 days ago, spent 5 hours at McDonald's to revise for the mid term test that i took at night. Though it allocates only 35% marks, I'm determined to obtain as many mark as possible. I hope to clear this paper - one of the toughest module. I could not imagine having to fork out another 2K re-sitting for the exams. MCQ is a killer! and the problem sums, the ones i had the easiest way out to solve, i could not even score full for them! formulae! and yep, im not studying anymore in any mcdonald's outlet. damn distracting.

With the virus, i find myself falling ill easily nowadays. Najmi has been ill for a week and the signs of recovery is at its slowest rate. He had stomach flu and will not be getting any better with no medicine. He just hates medicine....tried so many ways unsuccessfully.

Ezzaty did something bad today. She'll be barred from using the internet for as long as the ban is not lifted. I have confiscated her handphone and her ezlink card is no longer in her possession. Its partly not her fault but it takes 2 hands to clap right? I cant blame her classmate totally. Im thankful that her classmate's mom is very cooperative on this matter. She was not even defending her child like any parent would be when I called to clarify the matter. I have to be neutral, my child may be at fault. cant take her word without valid evidence. Its not me to reprimand somebody's child blindly. ( I was accused like that when i was in P1. so i know how it'll affect our self esteem and morale.)

In fact, the classmate's mom asked her child to return my call to apologise after interrogating her for the truth. and she wanted me to speak to her personally and made her promise not to do that again..she was sobbing saying her sorry. children nowadays...! we have to go around one big jungle ...sigh!

Final exams has been scheduled a few days before the ramadhan...
I was in the midst of planning my time for revision for the two papers...my diary is full of colours..yellow, red and green to highlight the days which I have to reserve for studying and practising the problems calculation.

I seek HIM to guide me the easy path to gain this knowledge, its tougher than i thought..but if many can succeed, i dont see why i cant....!!

Never gives up before even trying.
Those who gives up easily is Satan's best friend.
I do not wish to be even his pen pal....Allah forbids!

#554

Its been a trying week for me.
I got rid of J, and for now my school life is back TO normal (NORMAL = peaceful) thankfully. I feel awkward when we bump into each other, not sure how to react, but nevertheless, i feel at ease. i just have to pretend not knowing him. It sounds cruel but that's life. one cannot be selfish and think of oneself only, this is what u get. people will shun you!

Not enough with the trouble I had with this J, another J from the workplace gave me a big headache. I shall not mentioned what it was, I was as surprised to learn her true colour and yes, I have no faith in her. No trust. Not ever. Though she had apologised umpteen times. A promise made is a promise to be kept. In fact, she made me look bad getting involved in her game. Enough said, I'll be a fool if ever to be part of her plot again.

CF module is tough, so tough that I am clueless as what is expected from me.
I've been going through the texts, notes and still i do not know what is CF all about. Die, how to pass like that? I dreaded to attempt the tutorial questions. The last one I did, I gotten half of it correct and worse, cant even get the first 3 right.(veryone said these were the easiest! duH!)...
How could I overlook that formula? I totally cant recall....

After the first class, I was so stressed up that I could not breathe. My chest was so tight up that I thought my time is up. It was a traumatizing moment!
How to sleep when your mind is so full of numbers, theory, graphs and formulae!! and i cant afford to FAIL.

I was full of worries, uncertaintites and fears!!

I had a good talk with I-vy. She's already half through the programme and will be graduating in 4 months time. Was telling me many who had taken up the FInance modules could not pass through and advised me to drop doing double major.

Accounting is already so hard, what with doing the double major with FInance...yep, terribly difficult. I've acquired the electives that I-vy did, and after considering the modules - I will be registering close to hers. Its not easy but at least manageable compare to the Finance modules which require more of my analytical skill and principle based learning.

Looking back, I should've stick to my initial plan of doing single major and 4 elective modules when i signed up for the course in April :(

but its not too late, many had changed their minors along the way..they had tried to find some modules interest them though they had never thought of learning. Others are like myself.now i understand the system here of flexibility.........

I know the consultant meant well when he encouraged me to do the double major, but I guess he was not aware that its easier said than done. Yes, it will look good on your certificate but with what im going through, it just not worth the pain.

I've called the consultant in the morning, the fees shall remain the same, no change since for accounting undergraduate we are still required to complete 12 modules, either you are doing double or single major.

So I'll be majoring in accouting with management as my minor subjects. (this is final)

Im feeling better having thought of the lesser burden after dropping Finance modules altogether. Securites & investment are not meant for me. Its for the future records. Im more to the historical records and that's what accounting is all about.

#553

I was very disturbed the past 2 days.
I dont know, just so many unhappy incidents happened.

#552

Told ya that I will blow my top soon.
I think I've been kind and nice enough to be used.
I never expect anything in return but please do not take advantage of my kindness.

I had enough when J called and so called ordered me to ask the lecturer about the assignment for him!! I have not even touch those assignments myself - with all the problems surfacing during the upload. I had my share of problems, never once I smsed, emailed and pestered him like what he did to me.
Its been 2 months. enough is enough. I raised my voice, telling him to ask the lecturer himself, and he did not talk to me for the entire lesson but still got the cheek to ask me if his result was a borderline. I felt like screaming at him!
instead i pressed hard MY calculator and showed him the marks and gave aloud "aiyah" what a pest!

Ya know what, he pestered S & P too...! but not worse off than what he did to me.now he's moving on to 2 male classmates, it wont be long, just wait.

Gotten the mid semester exam result, sigh sigh sigh...careless mistakes!
I will be very careful, those 2 marks are precious...wasted just like that. Should have read the question over again.

I've done one exercise for the final exams, took me almost an hour. I'm just not familiar of how to tackle the question. I just hate the feeling of uncertainty and waste the time thinking where, how and what to do!

#551

Look at the damages she had done!
I know that we cannot allow anyone to rule us but yeah she did.
The slightest mention of her name made me fume mad! real mad that some of my colleagues here gotten burnt by the heat.

I want nothing to do with her unless its work related!
Why do we have to accomodate to her blardy mood?

enough said....im trying hard to stay sane.

Last night, sat for the mid semester exam, i think i did not do so badly.
I could answer most except for 2 with confidence. Didnt expect theory question will be out, i've applied whatever knowledge i had..some are quite close to the MCQ options.

J is getting to my nerve yet again, i try to be nice to him as best as i could. But i know it will not be too long he'll get it from me. he'd rather ask me than the lecturer who could explain to him better, its okay to ask but not during lesson!! How am i to concentrate? another thing, he is so pessimistic! such a wet blanket.!

Hahah.....sorry buddy, u r just too much ok. i've tried to assist u the best i could, but if you are so stressed out for nothing, it'll affect all of us. In fact some of us had already shunned you...i'll be next if i could no longer tolerate ur nonsense.

Btw, i've got hold of the past year papers, it was from 2005, the latest i could get.
I've planned out to complete the assignment by tonight and revised whatever i could for the final year. good luck!

#550

Received sms from SMS last night to conduct an orientation for a new staff today.
Its becoming part of my job already. Shared with sis Z of what been troubling me lately, though it will not change things around, at least my heart is much lighter to have shared with someone and most importantly who understand better my position.

She's been around long enough to know what kind of head my SM is. Like I've said, many wonder how do i survive day by day facing her and enduring her terrible mood swings. What do you expect, if others who are not under her who only gets to see her only once in the blue moon already cannot stand the sight of her, imagine my situation.

Speaking about double standard! She had mentioned what and how I should behaved as her assistant because whatever I will be projecting will reflect on her as my superior. So I was reminded to be mindful of what I was going to say, to react and so on..its like a protocol. (a stupid one!))

I just do not get her point. If we have a standard to adhere for certain levels in the management, why have i always been excluded in events that involved the management, most of it were the expensive offshore seminars, trainings and what have you which only the managers will have to attend? Am i not one of your managers? Then why do I have to undertake the managers' task but not being able to enjoy the perks and benefits of being one????

I was asked to discuss this matter to the boss. After been reminded that I was not been encouraged to say my views because that is not what AM should be doing, I will just have to shut my mouth.

I can only see to observe.

After conducting the orientation, I took half day Childcare Leave, used up all the 6 days for this year. I care less to save for rainy days. I will not be compensated for not using them, I'd rather use it now during our off peak period and enjoy the day without having to face that blardy superior.

Sorry for being too cranky and whiny :(((

#549

I guess we were not meant to be communicating with each other for the past weeks.
I could not put my thoughts on her chat box (there were always errors appearing on my pc) and even overlooked that she had left her comments on mine.

I didnt get to receive the news of her demise on the actual day, I just did not feel like logging on to the pc. Terrible headache came again and this time it caused my BP to hit the 169 mark. The medication made me weak and too drowsy to do anything.

Thank goodness, I was feeling better this morning and decided to browse through my facebook for updates. I was in disbelief reading Su's status that her dearest sis Sulas whom i've been connecting through our journals had passed away :(((

I am still very remorseful for not making much efforts to meet up when she was still around. I thought visiting her blog and FB is good enough to show what this friendship meant to all of us.

I had heard the sayings that "Allah S.W.T loves him/her more than anybody else when HE decided that its time for him/her to go".

She is in a better place than us. She's with the Creator. For someone who has always brought light to someone else's life with her gentle words of console, her warm love and sincere thoughts, she definitely deserves the best and that best has to come from HIM.

I think I have not said enough that I am so grateful to have met Su again after all these years. Reuniting with her is the start of a beautiful friendship with someone whom i may not get to know in any possible ways. Its a miracle how our paths had crossed.

Untuk Almarhummah Sulastri,
Kehadiranmu bagaikan bintang yg bersinar terang
Persahabatan tulusmu akan tetap ku kenang
Ketiaadanmu akan dirasai
Pergimu tiada ada yang ganti
Doaku semoga kau tenang disana
Kirimanku hanyalah redha, pasrah dan Al-Fateha.

Untuk Su sekeluarga,
Allah lebih menyayanginya lebih daripada kita kasihkan dia.
Ada hikmah disana buatnya, kebahagiaan abadi menantinya
Redhakanlah permergiaannya walaupun sukar untuk dipercaya
Agar rohnya tenang dan dicucuri rahmatNYA - Amin.

Salam Ikhlas,
Sahabatmu yg jauh dimata dekat dihati. Ana :(((

#548

How infuritating!
I am still feeling sore about what SM had said.
I guess its true after all that its meaningless to be frank...she'll use that to hit me back.

Urgh!

#547

Its been a busy & hectic week, nevertheless, I've enjoyed the time spent with my loved ones.
The short getaway to yet again KL and Melaka was great, our roadtrip even extended to Nilai...and yep we've made it to Genting Highlands by cable car. I drove from Pagoh to err..almost Ayer Keroh..thrilling at least for me, to exceed the 100km/hr...nevermind if i didnt get to drive around Kl, ..the GPS is not helping at all...

Ezzaty's schedule was filled with excursions - crocodile farm, Mini olf, picnic at EC and pizza hut kitchen tour. She barely had time for herself except for facebooking...im glad that her time is well spend, she made new friends and explore new things, something that she will not be able to attain in her school.

I was feeling all stressed up receiving email from the school at this such short notice that I have to bring my own lappie for the TAP! Why didnt they tell me earlier, i could not possibly bring my Macbook since the software to install requires Windows Vista or at least 2000.....Mac is not compatible at all for the QB software....oh dear!

Here I am trying to calm myself, while at the other end, been getting emails from J who keeps telling me that and this modules are difficult!!
Oh GOD! when will he stop...such a demoraliser..(is there such a word, but yeah, he's something like that)

Oh well, work is fine, im just going with the flow...it doesnt matter anymore who is right or wrong.

#546 -090609

It was a small family affair celebrating Ezzaty's 9th birthday.
We had to postpone celebrating it on Sunday because Edd was on afternoon shift after the wedding reception.
To avoid the rush, all of us agreed to do it on her birthday itself though it was a short one.

Earlier, Ezzaty participated the amazing race organized by the tuition centre. Her team didnt win, I was glad SM was not her facilitator....!