what can i say? no perfect words could ever describe my guilt.
on Monday, i got a phonecall from kak nia that her mum - my eldest aunt was hospitalised.
this would be her 2nd time, exactly a year ago when she was first diagnosed with pneumonia.
was so busy with work & class, i didnt give much thought how serious her condition would be.
cos i know she would be okay.
Told mak about this, and she planned to visit the next day, which she had failed to do so apparently because of me, coped up with work and no one to send her there.
On Wednesday, Kak nia smsed to inform Aunt was critically ill and unconscious.
Again, no one to send Mak there, she delayed and only visited her on Thursday with the rest of the family EXCEPT ME.
Thinking that i would skip lesson or at least drop by after lesson but somehow, I was not meant to meet her alive.
All were puzzled why i didnt turn up..i could not answer that myself.
Deep in my heart, I had this feeling that my Aunt would be allright-admist all the negative feedback form the doctors.
I went home straight after class, never even think of visiting her that Thursday nite, the night my aunt was given few hours to be alive before meeting HIM. somehow before i slept, i had this urge to recite the Yassin for her. i never read so long a surah before going to bed. I though it would the best to compensate my absence. nothing could ever can pay for that precious moment.
I was all prepared to visit her on Friday night, cancelling my training hours with Celes, I even brought kitab Yassin with me.
IT WAS TOO LATE, she had gone to meet HIM at 9.00 am. I took urgent leave, dont bother to ask my Exec Director, the reason she called me up, before she had the chance to say anything, told her im going home now for a funeral.
I cried, all shaken when I saw my aunt lying motionless for the burial ceremony. My knees were knocking with each other, I just could not control my tears and the emotion burst out shamefully. I took the last chance to kiss her forehead and lay my face on her chest after all her children had their turns, I must not let that chance to slip, or else im gonna regret it for my life. which i already had.
She was as if in deep sleep, no signs of pain or suffering and to this day, I never felt she had gone forever.
she had always been so quiet and you just know she would be around for all occasions .
May Her soul be placed amongst the Righteous.
AL-FATEHA. buat Hajjah Halimah.
OBEK, kehadiran mu akan senantiasa dirindui, pemergianmu aku tangisi.
pergimu terlalu cepat buat kami yang menyayangimu.
Moga ROH mu tenang disana.
Belum sempat aku mohon maaf diatas keterlanjuran/kesilapanku
Belum sempat aku memeluk dan mendakapmu
Terkilan sungguh atas kelalaianku untuk menjengokmu,
Hanya kiriman doa dan alfateha yg dpt ku beri.
Insya-Allah, silaturrahim dgn anak2 mu akan ku pelihara diatas ingatan abadiku kepada mu.