Absence Makes the Hearts Ache

So long

2010-11-24T22:08:00.002+08:00

Too long a period not updating this journal that I had to seek for password recovery assistance, hehe....forgotten all about logging in.

After much difficulty and negotiation, I gotten the job.
It would be my 3rd month there in mid Dec, so far it has been great. I love my colleagues, the work is manageable....all are fine except for the boss (everyone seems not to like her style) and air-con, of all the things that matter.

I caught colds too often...so often that i can safely mention that I am well for only 2 weeks there. I'm seeing the family GP for consultation and opinion, I hope no further tests are needed.

Currently im on study and revision mode. My last 2 accounting modules and the last ones with my project kakis. Gonna miss them...

Its true that the beginning and the ending would be the hardest. Into my final years in this degree program, finding it more difficult to hang on. The saddest part is that I will be the only left one to complete my final 2 next trimester...though we will be graduating and putting on the regalia together - cant wait for the ceremony.

My desire to relocate would be just wishing upon a star....nobody seems eager to join me.

The disheartening moment..today i received a job from the Uni to join a public listed company in Ozie..if only it happens 10 years ago :(

Hard Times

2010-08-19T09:01:00.002+08:00

To get it, is so difficult, letting it go is worse.
I got an offer from a reputable organisation (a day after the interview - thats fast) only to let it go cos i cant afford or rather im not willing to pay my current employer 2 months of my pay...that will cost me a bomb! They want me to start almsot immediately...why oh why!

I think it's a sign that the market is picking up and that i have to give notice without securing a job first....so far no company is willing to wait, not even me paying a month to the current one...a month is not good enough.........

*********************************
New passion - Bags!

Oh yes, the parcel is finally here...im so in love with my sophie tote bag fm KS.
my 3rd and hopelly d final purchase fm KS for now is on the way.....

Trying not to get so addicted with online shopping....all these purchases are my needs really....not desires...ha!

Updates

2010-08-16T18:09:00.002+08:00

Been away from this blog, yet again for quite sometime.
However, been updating status both at FB & Twitter. That too can be improved.

Tomorrow would be my 3rd interview since late July. I hope all goes well and if I get it, I hope this has been arranged by HIM for my best. I can only try, I have no knowledge for the future.

The first interview was such a disappointment, was so sure I had made it.
I was really not that hopeful for the 2nd one, firstly i dont like the smirk on one of the interviewer's face and i hated to be treated that i was really trying hard to get it...the way they asked as if they deserve better applicants than me.

Suit urself, even if they were to call me, i WILL reject them flat. first time ever in any interviews, i was not looking forward to hear any favourable reply!!

Im waiting for the exams results to be out any moment now, I hope to score better than expected.

Fasting month this year has been great so far. The fact that I made effort to utilise the time with volunteering work, attending class on weekends and try to perform terawih prayers as much as I can....I hope I will endure till the month ends.

So fast we are already in the 2nd week of Ramadhan, I wish this holy month could stay longer. I really do :)

Back to life

2010-07-06T10:29:00.002+08:00

A short getaway with my sisters the past days had really energized me.
I can forget about the damn work for a while. If only it meant forever.
I was looking forward to this trip, hoping when I returned, I would receive good news.

BUT What did i get? "rejection, Unsuccessful, In Process And Kept for future reference"

I cant tell how much weary it was to be kept waiting. I thought I could endure few months more, but after the appraisal, 2nd year no increment and pathetic bonus, no reason to stay longer.

I had never felt so heavy leaving home to office.
Never felt so lazy to wake up to get ready for work.
Never had so much hatred to see my superior.

Its the little things that make it happen.
So particular, so fussy and so mindful over minor things that I feel that I'm a child once again.

Treat me like what you want others to treat you. Is it so hard for a mother of 3 like you???

wellness

2010-06-30T14:52:00.003+08:00

I choose to believe that its Allah's will that I get to know this distributor for M-a-q-u-i juice. Having read through the website, I did not hesitate to have a try.
Its quite pricey but if I chose to be a member, I'll purchase them at a discounted rate.

Its been 5 days, so far no major development. Apart from me getting sweaty and my constipation is not as bad as it used to. Maybe, for the past days, I have been fasting, I didnt drink that much water either.

I have just enrolled to be a member and for the sake of the discounted price, I decided to be a distributor. Enrolment via online is a breeze, I have my own website. like real.

Im not interested on business level. Was suggested that I should attend the expo. Tts for my own consumption and well-being.

I hope this juice works for me, after all the many trials and errors.

The thing that makes me go...sigh...

2010-06-29T10:56:00.003+08:00

Yesterday marked the 3rd time I was appraised, which significantly meant my 3 year residency at my workplace.

I prayed hard that this time she will not pour our more nonsense than ever.

Sounds silly, but yes, I had been reciting doas since Sunday night, to ease and loosen up the usual tight up situation with her on Monday.

Alhamdulilah, it was much better than the previous. I dont even bother to comment on her performance (it was a 2 way appraisal, ya see), conveniently marking her the usual '4' for all.

Her last statement makes me wonder if my presence was ever wanted here.....
"complete your degree first, if we cannot offer you what you had requested, then go elsewhere...."

First, when asked to sponsor for my studies, i was told I may not be able to complete the bond for reason that I may be sought after with the newly obtained qualification.

And now, this statement from her when I suggested a flexible working arrangement.

SO! to conclude...I am moving on! Thank you for all these years, I gain and lose nothing.

cant she says something more positive...some kind of political game as usual.

sigh..sigh..sigh!

Stay Over at Alia's & Ez's 10th Bday

2010-06-23T14:01:00.002+08:00

Slept over at Alia's to celebrate Ez's bday on 12/6/2010.
Didnt sleep well, its true as the saying goes...home still sweet home.

Initial plan was to custome order her cake, but she requested for home made ice cream cake from me. It was all whiped off on her actual day....well, it was not really a nice looking one. will upload if i feel like it later.............

Instead I ordered fm cousin Nana for a customised princess theme towel cake.
Toileries set, towel, pyjamas, blanket n bathrobe wrapped nicely like a cake :)

heavy weight

2010-06-23T11:05:00.002+08:00

I am pissed off with myself.
With the accumulating fats in me.
I am getting heavier by the days.
It irritates me each time people commented on my round figure.

It's the same words almost everyday..yeah i know im fat, dont have to remind me again.

I even told off mak this morning...she kept saying about my back...told her what she expects me to do. Im already so stress with my work and studies...cant u all give me some time to sort matter. I can't do all in one. Im not a superwoman!

Talking about study...Im so disappointed with my study schedule, if there is any to begin with.

How timely the class test to coincide with the closing.

Excuses! I have to be more organises. Period. Im not gonna give up.

Weird Dreams

2010-06-08T10:21:00.002+08:00

For the past few days, been having disturbing dreams.

I dreamt of a CSPS mate I.B, was informed in my dream twice by twinny and S.h.e.d.a.h to read at the orbituary column on her passing away. I was numbed. shocked.

I woke up feeling loss and so depressed. The first thing i did was to log into Fb account and checked on her. So relieved that she is all well and fine. Been doing so, to see if her status spelt for trouble. so far so good. Alhamdulilah.

And last night, I dreamt of losing my favourite cousin, Bg Nin (favourite since he is ever so pleasant, unlike my other male cousins who are so b-i-t-c-h-y).

My aunt called to ask for my mum, sounded so urgent and sad. I knew something must have terribly went wrong. My cousin passed away due to sudden serious illness, which i had no idea what it was. I cried, sobbed and wept so hard. Even scolded his eldest sister for being childish....(seriously i dont know why i had chided her).

The dream lasted so long being me looking for a suitable baju kurung and tudung...i saw in the mirror that i had donned on a white tudung sotong and plain pink kurung. Somehow I never get to reach the place, I was being held up here and there. Even my late cousin bg Razak was there waiting for me to drive us all to the funeral....

Weird, scary huh? wonder what was it all about......spooky feeling!!

May Allah protects us all from all evils. Amin.

Missing Holy M

2010-05-27T16:23:00.003+08:00

I wanna go there again.
May Allah ease our way to HIS kingdom. Amin.

work no life

2010-05-27T12:07:00.002+08:00

Been rushing since last week - what with the month end closing and the starting of the taxation module.

Im very disappointed with the way I handle my study schedule.
Up and down with the figures at work, when i reached home, all I can afford to "revise" is to flip the pages, tag the subjects matters and arrange my notes. That's all!!

I can assure that coming to class cannot be any sotong...no prior preparation.

The good news is, I have jsut completed my accounting task, and tonight's class shall be our last for the taxation. 2 weeks break before MA module to start.

I will make sure that the 2 weeks break to be utilitised to the max. Revision and family time since its a school holiday.

Not sure our plan to sleepover at Port Dickson is to be materialised.
I do not want to pin so much hope since E is also busy with his schoolwork.

Ezzaty did well for her studies- 4* & 3A..score B for her english. She promises to improve. Can see she really tried - buying english books and reading anything in english. Its only that she has no confidence to speak.

Looking forward to the long weekends,tomorrow is vesak day....im storming in the kitchen again.

It's good time to celebrate E's 38th Bday too...I've decided not to bake him any cake....i know it will not turns out well :)

Graduation gown

2010-05-09T10:16:00.004+08:00

Ezzaty had fun putting on Munyra's gown for her graduation ceremony on 17 May. (its Jk's Bday, Ani & Aliah's wedding anniversary..all in one..wow)

She pretended that she had completed her studies at Al-Azhar University...Amin, May it comes true!

My Philips

2010-05-09T10:10:00.003+08:00

Got myself a food processor for my own Mother's Day gift. LOL.

Eversince Ani left, I'm trying my best thought how limited my time is to try out simple yet delicious recipes so that I can share the joy of cooking and baking with her.

This food processor will ease the mixing process. Hands free from now! :)))

Results

2010-05-06T10:01:00.003+08:00

Final Exams results are out but not for my modules.

I feel abit inferior knowing my peers excel - getting distinctions and high distinctions seem so easy for them.

I'll try harder for the remianing 6. The past modules were fairly average - mixture of pass, credit and a distinction.

I hope I had fared better for the previous two. I've scored the highest during class test, even AH expected me to get HD, so I hope not to disappoint him.

I've got the green card to be excused from the retreat. I've forwarded whatever documentation I had to prove that my case is genuine and that I had gone through whatever possible alternatives.

Life is not getting any easier for me here. She is revengeful. Not now but later, she'll get back to me. I'm so immuned to her system.

I dont care anymore!

Tweets

2010-04-29T16:54:00.002+08:00

I almost forgotten that I had a twitter account. Many times I mentioned about twitting more than blogging, the actual fact is i had only posted less than 50 in a year!!

Its time like this when tasks at work is completed, ive got time to read the archives...

I read through Ani's tweets... I can so feel for your frustration :(((

I wish I can hug her again...

Maybe bcos it was u that had to leave that we dont feel so much of the dragness not until on the actual day.

Many times u told us how much u hated to fly back, we thought its only right for u to be with your family, but we forget to understand our bonding.....I think I will be feeling the same way if I were the one to leave all of u behind.

All of us here pray that we will stay together again...indulging on things we love, just like those days when all of u were in spore :)

Perseverance will pay off one day. Amin!

fun time

2010-04-29T15:15:00.003+08:00

Thanks to Mun for this video. Glad the kids are and know how to entertain themselves while the parents are at work. hmmmm.....gonna miss this when they are all grown ups and start to do things on their own...i hope they will still be that sticky to us. i really hope.

Skype in the air

2010-04-26T11:24:00.002+08:00

I have heard many times about SKype. Never get around to get to know this application better not until Ani left for Denver. Been hearing good stuff about it as in no charges and how close we could be when communicating.

How true! Even Mak teared when she saw Firdaus upclose and personal.
She could not continue because she knew how Firdaus felt when he first saw us on the screen. It just that he could not speak to express his "lost" of not seeing us for so many weeks already. He must have said where were you all this while?

I'm so excited abt this skype thingy...I hope it helps us in the long run on controlling the tel charges incurred.

Long distance relationship is never easy - cost, time and heart pain.

Now & Then _ 2007 & 2009

2010-04-23T16:30:00.000+08:00

Bad weather

2010-04-22T17:36:00.006+08:00

There are thunders and lightnings.
Not sure if i can go back later, with the heavy downpour.
I'm not so worry of getting myself wet, im worried of my safety.

Only a day I had to work late to complete my work, but the effect of not getting enough sleep drags for so long. Masih pening2x lalat! Very weak that right after lunch, I did not do much except for filing and flipping my notes.

Have not informed the superior about me not be able to make it for d stupid retreat.

I just had to go for long medication on that days....after all, i have medical records of not being able to withstand heat and no outdoor activity...that will help.

As much as i try not to lie, I guess in this situation, I had to.
Amicable excuse is a big NO...how to soften the hearts to understand that at this point of time, my study is more important, they make it sound as if I try to avoid all gatherings on purpose. Am I such a person?

The heavy rain and loud thunder right now are as if to console me so as not to worry so much.

I hate to have conflicts with the people at work. Im not a trouble maker...its just that each time there is a retreat, I would have something more important to attend to. Its purely coincidences. Believe me!

love to hate

2010-04-20T20:15:00.004+08:00

I think I will be back home @ 2130hrs.
I really felt like giving my boss a tight slap.
Its only 20/4, and he called to ask if the accounts is ready.
Then whats the whole point of giving deadline on 23/4?!

He took away half a day of my Monday to attend his stupid meetup, and expect me to expedite.

Im not sure how long i can endure with this stupidity. Someone had passed remark that I was outspoken during meeting. If asking for my rights is considered outspoken, what if I were to tell the boss right in the face that he is such an a**! outrageous, huh?

One incident after another that discourages me to stay on here till graduation.
But how to leave without a job, I do not want to be in that situation again.

sigh....not sure how long. can't wait to go elsewhere. Ive seen the worst, but this is so unprofessional.

Your leave been deducted on your non working day because you just cannot attend the company function - "its my son's orientation for his first day, for goodness sake!"

You are not allow to attend lessons and have to skip 4 lectures due to a compulsory company retreat - its only in Melaka, idiot!

You have to rush from the exams hall because the boss wants you to hand deliver the vendor's cheque - why cant u do it yourself since you are already there?!

on purpose or what?!!

life cycle

2010-04-20T18:02:00.004+08:00

Im still at work. Its that time of the month when I have to complete the task BEFORE the stipulated time. Funny how, after every closing of accounts, I never fail to allocate the next month's duties but yet each month, time is not on my side.

Meeting, training, etc - all these took away my precious time.

I hate to stay back, but it's better to sacrifice now than to SUFFER with all the naggings....being treated like a small kid all over again. Darn!

Im looking forward to the days when working is a choice. Not a must.
Not so hard like now. Too many commitments.

When will it be is not the question.
I'm more interested to know if I will ever be in that laidback easy life situation.

Worried to see the old folks going around collecting tins to make ends meet :((
I fear of that. Let me go through hardship now when Im still healthy and can rely on my other families members to help around. Not when I am alone, sickly and no trusthworthy soul to depend on. I'm too scare to think of that.

Eddris started his school yesterday. First day is never easy.
I can anticipate that all of us will be fighting for his time and attention.
Plans must be prepared ahead to avoid disappointment. Sounds so familiar, was that the scenario 3 years ago?

Sleepover + Selamba Party

2010-04-19T13:35:00.002+08:00

Ani,

I was not feeling well on the day I had to sit for exams.
My head was heavy, felt as if oxygen was not able to make it through.
My chest felt hard, as if there was a huge rock sitting on it.

Mak was telling me not to think so much.
Its hard at this time when I had to recall the facts memorised. I was too afraid of blank out in the exams hall and a sudden memory loss.

Had to be there from 2pm-10pm - 1st paper was fm 2pm-4pm, 2nd paper was fm 7pm - 10pm and its on weekend-saturday! In between, I was having cold feet and diarrhoea..

All in all, though I could not remember all, at least I had something to write, took it from there and tried my best to explain...Thank Goodness,Allah has mercy on me. One was an open book paper while the other paper carried only 50% weightage, so I was not that worry.

After exams, family fetched me from school to Lia's crib. It was squeezy in that small car with everybody including Bibik...hahah! Imagine, Mak fell asleep, Bibik feeling terrible due to motion sickness, Najmi stared hard while Ezzaty and Munyra could not stop talking...I was not even listening to what Edd was saying..good reason to upgrade to a MPV..sigh, like real.

Alia's home is almost settled, Munyra will be helping her out till Tuesday or Wednesday. Wonder how will she survive without internet connection.

We stayed overnight there. But could not sleep well, it was cold, too cold for comfort and I was awaken every hour, Mun was coughing hard..all of us except for Edd slept in airconditioned rooms...and most of us prefer fans to aircons. Mak, myself and Bibik took panadol to ease our sudden headache.

The kids were happy, running around, didnt bother them that we adults were busy unpacking the boxes. So carefree, how I wish adulthood is as that stress free. The atmosphere was like those days we moved to Hougang.....the past really taught us alot.

Had a small impromptu birthday gathering for our nephew Aisy. I sent ur kisses and hugs to him, he gave me that "OOOh, thats nice of you look" but I quickly told him, Im not doing that cos he's being mischievous,heheh!

Will update the photos in FB soon...had to get back to work.
Wasted half the day attending that silly meeting.

Oh yes, I tried the circle line today on my way fm home to Eunos.
Its faster and can avoid that draggy feeling of how many more stations to reach...lesser crowd.

Cant help to think of you cos there is a "Lorong Chuan" station.
Its getting more convenient. And Im now beginning to be like you.
I dont mind working in non Raffles place area anymore.

Sleepness

2010-04-16T09:42:00.002+08:00

Ani,

These days I've been waking up in the wee morning.
Would go to Mak's bedroom the one u used to sleep and lay next to Mak. Everything in this room reminds me of you...can really visualise how u sleep here :)
Mak never fails to wake up and we would soon end up chatting away till subuh.

This morning, we talked about our past - our childhood struggle without father figure, our life journey from AMK to Hougang - how all of us helped one another to come out from the life we dreaded. How we had shared to build new life in Hougang. and how you had scrifice alot since young for us. Of course, we cried in between ....Thank you Ani!

I cleared off my chest the pain n hurt endured all these years getting sarcasms from our relatives. I recalled how they tried to make things difficult for us, I told Mak what she was not aware of..like them treating us as if we didnt like them....like how they refused to help us when we needed them...nak kena suruh ke?
I'm glad to let it out to her...to tell her what actually they had said to me that she didnt know.

I prefer it this way now that we are independent. We dont owe them anything. But words never come nice from them..you know who lah....

Ani, we have planned out that we would like to experience Ramadhan and Eid with you over there....May Allah S.W.T ease the path. Amin. Its really a good idea, even Mak is for it. But dun know when...hope it will be soon, yah.

I'm sitting for 2 papers tomorrow. Cannot really concentrate to revise, glad been reading the notes every now and then.

Pray for my success. I'm doing all this for all of us :))

Call

2010-04-15T13:55:00.003+08:00

I tried many times to call Ani this morning.
Finally received her sms that she will be reaching her place soon.
Im glad that eveything went well so far despite the very long journey and many stopovers.

I informed mak, she had few things to tell her, so I called her soon after.
Im so glad to hear her voice. It's been like almost the 3rd day already.
Both of us could not continue, just too sad n overwhelmed....

I told her how much we owe her and that we love her very much.

I'm glad that she's been very positive and look forward to a happy beginning.

Ani, we pray that your life will turn out the way you had hoped for.
You had sacrificed alot to manage and keep your family united.

We can never repay you for your company and generosity all this while.

LIfe is full of uncertainty but this time round, you are no longer in doubt.
We are all behind you though its hard to cope with this separation.

You are the Greatest Sister that we are blessed to have :)

Hug

2010-04-15T09:28:00.007+08:00

Ani,

After reading your journals, I cried all my way home from work.
I cannot wait to share with Mak.

I could not control my tears and burst out telling her how everybody at home has actually indirectly neglect u - emotionally.

Mak realised we were all too busy with our commitments that we became somehow selfish towards you. We cried and hugged for the longest time. We are sorry, Ani! I'm extending Mak's hug to you as well...*hugs*

I dont remember getting a hug from her like this. We rarely had this mother daughter moment...We are always on the lookout for the rest. Mak will want me to be strong cos I'm the eldest so I seldom cry and hug her...The most we ever do would be if Mak was ever unhappy about something, she would share with me, likewise I will look for her if I am not pleased with something.

I thought I was strong enough but it shows I do need a shoulder to cry on.

Mak told me to be strong and recite Alfateha as a sedekah for you.
That you will be much happier there with your family.

I know I had said it abruptly that I may not see u there for the fear of the long journey and cold weather...It seems that I had to take my words back.

I'm saving up to see u .... May we will be reunited soon...:))

Truth hurts

2010-04-14T17:58:00.006+08:00

I should stop reading the past.
It hurts more than to heal.

I wanted to ease this ache of losing someone.
So I went through her FB and her past journals.

Ani, why didnt u tell me u need someone to bring u out?
Why didnt u tell me u enjoy going for movies?
Why didnt u tell me u long for siblings' outing as often as we could?
And why have u decide to keep it to yourself?

I may always here for you but I wont know whats inside u.
I cannot see the signs. I was blinded by commitment.

We fail to see your frustrations.
We take your silence for granted.

No any 2 days are alike.
I thought for that day when I asked you, you were not keen, I ASSUME you will not interested for other days too...

I read with tears how you were so happy when I shared my bonus payout and brought you for movies :)

**********************

I'm sorry i didnt bring you out for retail therapy often.
U know i seldom shop, I would just buy whatever needed after work and rushed home BUT it does not mean I wont be with you when u need someone to shop around.

I'm sorry I didnt ask you to tag with me, I was always rushing BUT u can always tell me you need me to accompany you. I can always reserve my non working time for u.

Most of the time I feel I am a loner, no one to turn to for a company, so i rush home... I always thought by being home often is good enough to keep you company....now i realise at times we need to be out from home...to let go of the routine. Having Coffe outside is much better for both of us...*sigh*

I'm truly sorry for getting annoyed at your whinings, your outburst of frustrations cos I didnt know you had that much to endure.

I simply thought u were impatient.

All my assumptions were wrong...I thought You were happy.

Now I realise that Im very far from being a good sister.
If anyone would come to me to say I have failed to support you, it has never been this right:(

Now its too late!

No chat box!

2010-04-14T15:28:00.001+08:00

I will have to get Mun's help to put up a chat box friendly template.

This default template is so ..........unproductive!!

Latest news

2010-04-14T12:41:00.003+08:00

I gotten a sms from Ani this mroning @ 6.44am to be exact.
She had safely reached San Francisco, Alhamdulilah.
Firdaus had been very good, slept throughout, so glad for her.

Weather is cold down there, she mentioned.
Im worried for her leg. She fell down the stairs few weeks back. I also aware that she had this rheumatism symptom, her body cannot resist cold, just like myself.

Adib will drive them all the way to Denver. An alternative to cope with the jetlaggedness....another flight would be too tiring for all of them.

Stay positive Ani, once u settle down, we will skype each other!

OUR PIX OVER THE YEARS..... notice that im always on ur left..its shows u r my right man..miss u already :((

Dejavu

2010-04-14T12:24:00.003+08:00

I had this urge to change the template setting.
What I did was to click "the revert to old template"...AND

My blog goes back to 2006 template, the year when Ani was still in Hougang, the year
I was with N-C-S, one of the shortest employment contract I had and the worst I must say, the year Munyra went by the name of Monika, the year I was only 32.....even my chatbox shows old chat messages....down to memory lane :(

2006 - Its been almost 4 years since my struggle to get a better job, and sad to say I am still struggling to get out of this executive position, the one that I had managed to land into after hardwork of completing my diploma and braved myself to test the market.

I'm climbing the professional ladder....slowly but surely like one of my FB friend had said. Hesitate at first but since Im getting sick of being an executive..better start on something.

Its a tiring process...I have no regrets but full of anticipation for my future. Will I get the job once I graduate? How long?How much? Where?

For sure, I do not want to be like this for the longest time.

Mind over matter

2010-04-14T10:51:00.008+08:00

I was contemplating to delete this blog.
No motivation to update regularly because I'm always on FB or Twitter.
But this procrastination prove to work for me this time.

This blog shall serve as the mirror for my inner thoughts for my sister, Ani who has gone to Colorado to join her family...its like a dejavu, been in this situation almost 2 years ago when she first left.

Her plan was not accomplised when she was expecting our little nephew Firdaus. She came back to join us - a great comfort for us but on the other hand, her life definitely had turned 360 degree and I could understand her frustration at times, being a single mom all far away from the support of a complete family.

Ani, we are glad to be there for you but I know our assistances, most of the time are not enough to substitute for your loss being away from your loved ones.

People asked around on ur status, people were so curious on what you were doing at home, and many more what people want to know about you here....I know its hard for you to have to tell the whole tale over and over again. I myself could not even utter a word if pple starts to ask bout you....i dont feel like saying a word.

Ani, we may looked as if we were nonchalant on your situation, but trust me, we REALLY care for you.

I would like to apologise for everything I did that might caused you to feel leftout. Been having flashback since you left on how busy I have been lately especially the months u were preparing to go back, that the next thing I would want to do on my rest day is to be with my family :(

I thought being in the same house is good enough for our bonding, I had overlooked how we should be going out alone often....sigh sigh. Just like those days when you were in Hougang, we would called up each other for dates.....I missed doing that!

Where was I all this while, eversince Firdaus came, we had very, really very few occasions together...I could only recall the time we watched THis Is IT movie....that was the last one...How long was that!?

Mak has told me how at times you were just too afraid to talk to me because I was having bad days, but trust me I never meant anything if I had raised my voice.it was not at you...I blew it out of my frustations on my workplace, colleague...etc......

I was too, quite reluctant to have few words at home with you especially from the beginning of this year, you were so busy doing ur own thing that I thought you were already in ur comfort zone...I just dont feel like distracting you..i dont know why.

i didnt realise you must be bored the whole day....I was already exhausted at the end of the day, that I didnt notice you were with me, for many times that I came home, only to eat, with d kids and then off to my room....forgive me...i didnt mean to neglect u...I conveniently took it for granted for your silence.

It is not easy to stay under same roof with so many people around, so many hearts to care for..but i have no complaints. Honestly i cannot get used to the quietness for not having both of u with us anymore....:(

I have never bothered if Firdaus will damage the household items, I think you were afraid that you will be a burden to us when you scolded Firdaus for getting near the tv console. U should have realised that most of the time I kept quiet because I dont mind it at all....so i hope you will stop feeling bad.

Maybe next time I will NOT keep quiet if i dun mind, pple might think I was very particular....Really, its just the opposite.

U r my sister, i thought you shld have known me better.

Ache

2010-04-13T14:26:00.003+08:00

All of us hate to have to go through this again - separation anxiety.
It'll be very selfish of us if things remain the same.
How I wish we could turn back the time, to change the twist of fate so that everyone is happy.
No tears, no heartaches, no regrets, no sorrows....

This time I am a lesser of a cry baby.
I'm stronger to let her go for the sake of a complete family.
I know I had tried my best even if it is far from being a perfect big sister.

For every separation, there would be sense of loss. Half of me is gone...to take her presence for granted time and again....Im such a lousy human being!

For sure, I will not have someone to sleep with me when I am all alone. I used to ask her to sleep besides me when no one is willing to share my bed with whenever the spouse is on night shift.

Gonna miss you Ani, I'll pray that we will never be separated again....not sure how, I'd pray for another twist of good fate..Amin!

Our last dine out...I promise we will go out more often in the future :)

2010-04-12T02:52:00.000+08:00

I had penned down 2 journals and both disappeared just like that!!

What more to write?? I need my sleep and hate to be misunderstood!

Misunderstood

2010-04-12T00:43:00.003+08:00

No one likes to be misunderstood. All i did was to give my sincere and innocent point of view to a very old friend of mine. The spouse misunderstood that I had been giving her advices blindly for their situation. They were in the midst of separation.

I was not sure initially, not until this friend of mine kept posting sad and negative status. I took the courage to sms her and was surprised that she was open about her marriage woes. What she had mentioned was more than enough, I did not asked any further. Instead, from time to time I have been giving her encouragement to face the world in a positive light though I know deep inside it will not be easy and it will takes much longer time to heal her wounds. furthermore, their separation is in the midst of counseling. I pray for the best, hoping for conciliation.

Being the happy go lucky person she has always been, there were times I would make fun of her status and she would play along with her nonsensical remarks. Never did I imagine the spouse was unhappy, thinking all those status/remarks were directly meant for him.

He countered attacked mentioning that I should be wise and neutral handling a situation which I was not aware of who is right and wrong, instead I made things worse with all those encouragement to his wife's mean remarks towards him. The thing I detested most is when he had to mentioned that all these should not be coming from someone who knows about religion knowledge.

I pretended to act blur, pretended that he directed such remarks to someone else.

I have better things to do that to poke my nose into your pathetic marriage woes.
I have never once spoke to you and what right do you have to accuse me like that.
Don,t mention about religion when you know nothing or should i say wants to know zero about it.

#578

2010-04-01T15:55:00.002+08:00

I went ahead to enroll for MA & Taxation last night together with P & S.
Will have to find a suitable time to send the email - the reply, whether if it is favouable or otherwise, does not matter anymore.

Its my future, my time and my money that are more important than your stupid retreat.

I am not sure what action to be taken against me, whatever it is, its worth the sacrifice.

I have got 4 more modules before the end of this degree journey, its definitely not a smooth sailing and pleasant one. Like I-V-Y had mentioned, not everyone is supportive of our decision. I definitely see the truth in her words.

Superiors are being unreasonable, some friends are being sarcastic (i don't regard them as friends, good thing we are world and far apart - will keep it that way) while others cant wait to see the worst of me.

I am sick of their so called authoritiveness (if there is even such a word). Using no nonsense tactic to gain subordinates' co-operation is totally out dated. We will retaliate even more.

When will they ever realize that their management style needs to improve. Its not just us that need to be sent for courses, you need them even more!

#577

2010-03-31T09:36:00.001+08:00

I hate my boss!!

Allahu Akbar, only HE knows what Im going through :((

#576

2010-03-11T12:06:00.003+08:00

Its all true about brain magnet theory which i learned during the 3 days course @ SIM. Dejavu, pure coincidence or telepathy...call it what you want....its happening to me right now and its not EVEN good!

I had all planned nicely, research and assignment done all way before the due date, got this feeling that something somehow gonna screw up at the eleventh hour, bingo!!

Who would have thought to get back our reviewed assignmnent 2 days before the submission date,to make matter worse, we had to submit to this system which will do a check on plagiarisms....had a shock of my life....!! 53% similarities to the papers submitted by students from polytechnic and SIM!....I dont even know anyone there and our works were identical!! How can it be possible??

Had only 3 hours of sleep...not even a good one, dreamt of something in lecture rooms, getting the wrong codes whatsoever....my mind was really active after almost 2hours of editing task.

Then another big problem, resubmitting for the checks take a lifetime....its been 10 hours now, i have not gotten the result yet....worse, the review indicated i had less programs indicated..more researches to include.....heck care...no time to re-do!

Im really in no mood to expedite on my work though I will be missing in action from office for the self retreat cum family treat to KL. 2 days shorten plus a day company training (AGAIN)...i can foreseen coming to the office in weekends again :(

Many things on my mind..so i have done some tasks in advance.
I know i look n sound kiasu, i've already packed my stuff since last week.
I do not want to be packing my stuff in front of the spouse, he will sure want us to share a backpack....been doing that for the past trips, this time i want the bag all for myself...sound childish, yeah, we are kids at heart. He insists at times to follow his way but most of the time my ways are BETTER!!

My health is improving - I guess the daily intake of carrot juice does wonders.
Friends been telling me I'll get jaundice (???) and my skin will turn orange..had done a check on the internet....I will only get them for a large volume of consumption..not 2 glasses or 500ml a bottle a day! Almost get myself worried for nothing....orangey tudung girl....hahah!

Azima n Adib are here with us....in less than a month Ani will be leaving us. Im happy to see them reunited, family should stay close together and this time, we are more prepared to see Ani migrating. I'm looking forward to the days to pay them a visit in Spring (Not Winter - cannot stand cold).

So, the next big question is, money, money?!
Degree faster get, urgghhh!

#575

2010-03-01T10:59:00.002+08:00

Its like a monthly thing for me here....blogging only once a month.

I have yet to consult GP for my eye treatment. It seems okay for now. Been teary and itching since Friday. Too busy to spare time for consultation. I was occupied with Company Law Test on Saturday and Najmi's 4th birthday celebration on Sunday.

I was expecting Najmi to be all embarrassed BUT didnt expect him to wail so loud after we sang him the birthday song......he shuns any attention, just does not like to be the center of all eyes.

We are coming to the 1/4 of 2010 already, I have yet to receive any favorable reply from those applications. I just have to be persistent and not give up...I no longer see my perseverance and determination like 3 years ago....oh dear, I hope I will not stuck in my comfort zone.

I'm getting the hang of the 2 modules, I hope to get distinctions from them. I guess it will be the last time I would be this relax throughout the course of this degree program.
But im so not looking forward to Audit and taxation.

All of us will be going to Kl (yes, AGAIN!).haha...i know it sounds crazy, even A was telling me to divert my destination elsewhere. Well, to be travelling with 6 pax, going on flight will not be that cheap though its on budget airline. Anyway where else, can all of us enjoy the perks of bargaining power and have it all HALAL!

Furthermore, we love to be on the roadtrip. I will be taking turn with Eddris to control the steering wheel. My license turns one on 26 Feb, I have more confidence on the road now compare to last year when we went up to KL.

I just love the feeling of getting up early, dump all our bags in the boot and off we go in the cold quiet morning, with our sweaters and all. Stopping over for breakfast, toilet breaks and looking forward to have a good rest in the hotel. I have booked for a family suite in Mak's favourite spot - Jalan Masjid India. I cant wait to get a bite of Subway and A & W!!!

It really does not matter where is the destination, importantly, we enjoy ourselves!

March holiday, please come fast!

#574

2010-01-30T11:19:00.002+08:00

J at the workplace was terminated. The one i ever mentioned that betrayed my trust. I thought the episode of distrust is over but i was far from right. Because of the recent discovery n subsequent report to d mgmt, i was also called up to share my experience. i was then questioned for not bringing the issue to d top. Well, how would i know that d money i lent to her was to cover up her mismanagement of fund. Its through my guts feeling i found out she had indeed used it for her own consumption, unable to repay, start borrowing fm others which she successfully manage to get it fm me to coverup d shortfall. I DID shared my findings to her superior, if she chose not to report for d fact money'had been banked in and now clearly it was a personal issue bet me n j...what more can i do? Anyway, i was not wrong, d boss mentioned i was under a special circumstance....i am glad that J was fired, its just d tip of iceberg...she even had the guts to ask for cashbox key in pretext of safekeeping, backstabbing her colleagues in order to execute her evil plans....and all of us were made like idiots being fooled to believe her fictional lame stories of bg overworked....she took d initiative to switch to early shift when no one was around...and all were told that her partner could not wake up early so she had to cover.....! Such a good actress but yet what she evr won was disrespect!

#573

2010-01-27T14:04:00.003+08:00

Another month passed by just like that leaving this blog untouchable. I just dont feel updating...lazy, no mood and of course, Im into FB nowadays... :((

Well, I managed to pull through CFA paper as predicted.
I've scored my first distinction for HRE and hopefully I will be getting distinctions for all the electives and at least one or two core modules.

This trimester is quite a relaxing period for me. I dont have to attend crashed course. Such tormented period will be for the other 4 cores.....that, can wait. Meantime im enjoying the laidback moment as a part time mature student. :)))

Friends and niece who started later will be graduating earlier than me, sigh...what to do i can't get any faster than the 24 months duration.

Ed came back on Tuesday morning from Bali. Funny how he didnt seem to enjoy the trip. More surprising he bought for us girls dresses and a bag for my birthday. I really thought he will come home empty handed. Thank you. love the bag, its good for packing my books for class. so thoughtful.

I had attended 2 CSPS reunions, plan to have another one not too soon..err.... before Ani's departure. I hope everyone can make it.....it'll be a blast of fun!

Ezzaty had officialy khatam her Al-Quran reading . Alhamdulilah, earlier than I thought. Currently she is going through another round for tajwid. Well done, girl!

Najmi started his Nursery very badly. Its been 3 weeks, he only attended like less than 8 days. He had fever the first week for 5 days, and now 2 days away from school due to flu. I just recovered myself. The determination not to take any medical leave died as soon as I had that terrible headache.

This weekend I shall spend time revising for the mid term test in Feb2010. Been busy with R & R - jogging, watching movies, lazing around, coffee breaks, etc....should be enough. or more to come *think*

Soon in April I'll be sitting for the final exams and yes, I will be down with 6 modules. Half of the battle is won! :))

Should i complete all by this year? Not sure if i can manage..but the temptation to graduate in Perth in March 2011 is just too great.

We'll see...............

#572

2009-12-30T12:17:00.003+08:00

Its been a long time....
exams is over, awaiting for the results. really, CFA paper sucks big time.
Allocatioon of class for the next trimester are out, im so glad AH will be taking over the class. I had heard rumours that he could not make it.

My long lost friend F found me in FB...i've clarified certain issues with her..i guess she was drifted in her own world then. Not sure what prompted me...it just happen..i felt so good after telling her what was inside me all these years.

Looking forward to attend another CSPS reunion with new faces this coming friday, too bad sue n fath cannot join in. i hope it turns out well.

Funny how FB should make us all so close yet i had decided to delete a high school friend from my list..too much of her preachings...thank you but i dont need it coming from your big mouth.

Najmi will be going to his nursery in few days time....I pray he will NOT throw his tantrum...i really hope he will enjoy himself and get to know new friends. He grows so fast..im not ready to let him go...really :(((

#571

2009-11-26T20:49:00.003+08:00

it sucks to be interogated that way. she's definitely lose my respect. Look at the way she asked question, so bloody rude and the funny thing was instead of wanting to keep the matter p n c, she let the cat out of the bag....what a joke? Do u classify someone asking another casually if she's leaving the company as p n c? Lame rite!? Oh god, she,s definitely the worst boss, not to mention horrifying human being!!!

# 570

2009-11-19T00:14:00.002+08:00

I was left with no choice but to leave the class during the second half of the 3 hour lecture. When Mr Lee asked if I was heading home, told him with the guilt on my face that I was gonna do my project. I heard the whole class went "Awww..." in disbelief as i rushed towards the door.

Our submission deadline is due next Wednesday, we had no other day available for meet up. This is the best alternative.

Had a good talk with Ivy - shared with her my difficulties as a matured student,not so much about coping with stress but handling bad situations with our bosses. She had a good point there, since the company is not sponsoring my studies, why do I have to compete for my time. Why do I have to fight for my right when its clear that I am right to upgrade myself.

The examination leaves that I am entitled does not compensate me well enough for the hardship I had to endure from her. So from now onwards, I shall declare to the management I have given up. Pretend I'm no longer pursue my dream.
So that they will no longer able to demoralize me.

I simply cant understand, aint them support life long learning?
Then, where is the encouragement?
All I ever get is - Its too late to go back to school now, your time is up!

569

2009-11-13T08:06:00.002+08:00

i need to do some serious evaluation on my study techniques, just not gd enuff! Been holding on to the same notes but nothing concrete goes in. And ive got another team assignment task to execute..thats the big hurdle to my smooth revision, damn! Im reporting to work in the afternoon, bg assigned to usher for/d k2 grad, hope wont have to deal with nasty parents!

#568

2009-11-10T22:13:00.003+08:00

Both ani & myself got e63 mobiles today. There are 3 of us at home having the same hps. Ani n Mun gotten the exact ruby red while i opted for the latest white.
Been wanting a white mobile for quite sumtimes and finally after much thought to give up my N85. That phone is just not meant for me....sob sob sob!

Attended the training on sunday, i expected the expected..boo boo..so much for something different. Anyway, Im glad they enjoyed the food i had catered.

I was almost late for the HRE mid test on saturday....so much on reliance on others. No more next time. All in all, i manage to answer all though not satifactorily...

Our dining set came in a week earlier, manage to revise the few hours there...hehe!

Im sorting out my time for an effective learning and study. Final exams will be in less than a month. I'm worried for CFA paper....hope to pull through above passing rate.

567

2009-11-05T22:11:00.002+08:00

Im here in this state again,yup ive got test on sat. So much drama 2b excused fm d company's training 2 sit 4 d test. Didnt expect d big boss was not told of my situation. Si bos betina plak mati2x nak aku join after my test,macam takleh nampak aku senang.suka hati lu lah,gua pun tak lama. I hope d tax seminar attended yesterday wld come in handy. One gd news, we'll have a proper dining set nxt wk. Ive ordered a custom made huge table 4 our big family, we dont have 2 squeeze like we do now.also i could study in d living room, no more books scattered on d floors. Finally! Its been a 7 year wait.!

# 566

2009-10-23T09:23:00.002+08:00

Holiday mood is over!!

Had a great time in Langkawi from 09/10-12/10/09...certainly will come back cos the island is so huge to cover all within 4 days.

We went at the right time, cable car station was re-opened to public 2 days before we reached. Had a fantastic time up there..ehhe!

Tiger Airways is so so...my first time boarding a budget airline..and it had to delay flight schedule due to technical problem..duh!

#565

2009-10-05T00:30:00.002+08:00

I've submitted my topic for the team's project. I hope my team leader will not make me re-do my research.....i just hate to do such things!!

I'm so disappointed with one of the team members.
I didnt realised he is such a politician.
Sweet talked me into helping him in return to help out in my research.
Almost to the due date, no action from him, in fact he did not even bother to check his inbox. Which sets me to think that those words of "helping each other" is just N-A-T-O = no action talk only.

If he's the responsible type, why aint him be responding without being asked to?
If he's sincere in "helping one another", where are all his research on our topic?
If he's so serious on his OWN topic, why aint he checking his inbox after seriously asking me to tighten everything up?

Didnt expect a bootlicker to be so close yet so far away...i've alerted A so that he will not be the next victim. told him not to do extra work to help others on their research when he is all alone to do his...I've told him to concentrate to do only his part. Hopefully he will take my words to be careful of the bad wolf hidden underneath the chicken's feathers.....

I will try to complete whatever important tasks before the trip. I wanna enjoy myself fully there without having to worry. Its not easy to have such quality time with my family eversince I've started the bachelor progamme.

Im so looking forward to it, at the same time im so worried for not having the good plan to revise CFA!!! Exams will be in 2 months time....i almost forgotten what i had learnt last month.

HRE mid exams is due on Nov, 7th - the day i had to attend the company's training. As if to apply leave on your off day is not heartbreaking enough, I was made to report to work after the exams. SM is really getting to my nerves, it seems she aint so glad that im upgrading myself....make things difficult for me in every possible ways. I like to think that it's just my feelings but each time i evaluate the situation, the closer it is to prove she is being nasty!

#564

2009-09-24T00:12:00.002+08:00

I cant seem to twit. it always hang!

First class of HRE module today - I was sceptical at first, began to have doubts that I may had made the wrong choice of my elective. The sight of the lecturer scared me, he looked stern and unfriendly.

Oh boy, I was so wrong! I had the best laughter and time seemed to pass so fast...3 hours was like 30 minutes....even the lecturer was asking me why I giggled so much!

Other great thing was he would focus more on exams, making sure we excel by focusing more on the mid test and final exams strategy. Unlike my other core modules, where we were left on our own to find ways to attempt the examinations. He mentioned that this module had the highest passing rate and he'll make sure our batch to excel like wise.

CFA's team work is facing crisis...4 out of 6 are working so hard while the 2 are no where to be found....all they did - ordering us around....my! so unfair!

#563 Salam Lebaran

2009-09-22T21:39:00.003+08:00

Its the 3rd day of Eid.
Whats so special about this year? Well, cousins who have shunned us for almost a decade humbled themselves to our home yesterday. Ironically after their mum had gone to be with HIM, they've decided to step their feet into our home.

Ego aside, I think my late aunt would be very glad had they decided not to ignore us when she was still around. To make story short, they've realised its pointless to dwell into things which will not benefit all of us.

Mak was surprised that they came but the effect of so many years of absence made her feel uncomfortable to mingle around. Being the thick skinned i entertained and attended to them like those days.

But yeah, it will never be the same. The wound had healed but scar remained - ya know what i meant.

#562

2009-09-17T22:49:00.003+08:00

So soon Ramadhan is leaving us. I must admit there isnt any great achievement for my ibadah.Class started and ended in the Ramadhan. I was very much occupied with that.

I managed to complete the financial statement. I was not sure if I would be able to complete within the time frame, was given a week shorter than usual. Alhamdulilah, thanks to ALLAH s.w.t, everything went smoothly, even SM was in good mood, she wanted me to clear the unrecorded leave given by the company before the Eid, so I will be on leave tomorrow. I'll accompany mak for marketing and off to buy the necessary items for the household.

Im putting off the research till after celebration, informed the gang that i'll be busy with the preparations. I need a break.

In 3 weeks time, 5 of us will be leaving for our short trip to Langkawi. Thanks to Mimi for her wedding invitation.

# 561

2009-09-08T23:35:00.001+08:00

If others work hard, I have to work triple harder to be as good as what they had achieved.

I studied and revised for exams but I scored lower than those who never attended class!!

Understanding is the key word here. Study smart not hard.

Im trying ways to improve my grades for the rest of the modules...Im so clueless!!!

I almost broke down in front of everyone in the team just now...i cant even get the easiest question right...stupid or what!!

i need strategy to buck up!

#560

2009-09-05T23:48:00.000+08:00

Had our 2nd class test today. I really hate MCQ! One word makes alot of difference and a whole different meaning to the statement. I scored 10 out of 24. Currently revising for our final class test tomorrow. Must improve.

The bond in the team is getting better except for 2 of them. I'm really glad to get to know them - not sure why but my buddy at school seem to be the minority, first it was K and now A!

I've decided to take up company law in the new trimester nxt year. A was assuring me that the paper isnt as bad as it seems. I thought of taking auditing, even Eddris becomes my consultant in giving me the advice of how to manage my study better. He encourages me to go for tougher paper in January cos its beginning of the year...i really dont see the connection leh..hahah!

I've been testing the market by sending few resumes, this time I'm applying for the analysis jobscope. So far only one company had replied, still it was a confirmation of going for the final review -> not even shortlisted.

Im looking forward to attend Mimi's wedding in Kedah in October, but I may have to miss it altogether since Mak is not keen to tag along, she insisted for me and eddris to go ahead but we used to be going out together, at least the 5 of us...Eddris was not that keen either if it falls during the examination period for Ezzaty.

Hope to be there and experience the different wedding atmosphere. and yeah, i was thinking of taking a flight but someone is keen to travel by land - its 10 hr journey! God, backside sure ache!!!!

#559

2009-09-04T22:52:00.001+08:00

results of d final exams r out this morning.tks to ivy who alerted me. Alhamdulilah i manage 2 clear both papers but alittle let down by Tap's score. I was 2 marks away fm distinction.damn,he wld not give it 2 me. Cf is a manageable (dat killer mcq) though i was not really expecting a borderline.well,all in all i thanked Allah that i can move on 2 d other modules. My next 2 modules had started last wk, everythg is ok except 4 d teamwork,there'll bound 2b cönflicts n frictions.cant stand how youngsters work..

558

2009-08-31T20:22:00.001+08:00

Kovy n dolly are in Dublin right now 4 their convocation this wkend.i wld be joining them if i did not change my course,no regrets though,it's just that mayb i wasnt wif them that i felt the time pass so fast 2 complete their studies,ending their challenging jourhney. Endurance is my greatest task right now,not only fm d coursewrk itself but the pressure fm my peers n some of d sarcasm i've gotten fm my colleagues.well,say what u want 2 say,it mayb hurtful,but at d end of d day, im not d öne who lose...at least ive tried,u? Talk n complain but no action is done,blah!

#557

2009-08-19T11:55:00.003+08:00

Been very busy - exams preparations, revisions, notes, practical, tutorials etc..that i didnt realised that this blog has been neglected almost to a month.
Had a fair of bad and good news. I passed my CF midtest - got a credit, seriously the lecturer is being lenient, and now im preparing for the final exam which will be 7 more hoursfrom now.

I had done what i should - consistently revising and practising the questions though there were times i was away from my notes for awhile and yes almost give up, I've compensated with staying up late..I seriously want to pass through this CF paper.....does not matter anymore if im not getting distinction. just beyond my capability.

Today I am on urgent leave that i had not planned, well thanks to the staff dinner last night at Hyatt. I thought i could skip, SM was just being difficult!
Not my type of thing if the mgmt would like to award us..the ones having it all out are the managers themselves. WHy cant they give us the staff incentive in monetary value?

On 8.8.09, I received a bad news that a cousin passed on unexpectedly. The 3rd death news that I've gotten while I was in class. Though we seldom talk and in fact, we werent that close, to have a lesser members in the family is a sad thing.

The day before on 07.08.09, the much awaited reunion turned out great. Initially it was only me and Su who came in, I was so sure the rest will not turn up after receiving calls and sms that unexpected events popped up at the last minute. Glad that they made effort to turn up though much latter....

We had so much fun recalling those memories that I'll make sure the next reunion I would not highlight so much..i would not want to scare them off with what i know. I just happen to remember, but sounded so provokingly a stalker hahah..we had the time to ourselves minus the partners and children..even staying up till midnight !

okay gtg...im reading up my notes for the last time....Allah please enlighten my burden Amin:))))

#556

2009-07-30T20:18:00.000+08:00

I'm typing this entry from my very own personalised netbook.
Been toying with the idea to purchase one for tutorial, Mac is just too bulky and not so user friendly (no windows installed, difficult to do assignments, had to do it from mun's laptop).

I've got a special deal purchasing this one. It has everything i want - light, ruby red, small and windows XP! Thanks to Azahar.

I no longer have to share with anyone - well, except for ED.

I've finalised the monthly report today, much earlier than the norm obviously due to the external audit. and of course, time like this, many entries had to be posted, many adjustment had to be passed and many silly requests from the boss had to be entertained. Just like today, asking me to alert the staff on cheques which had not been presented. Duh! There were all past the 6 months grace period, it'll be rejected by the bank anyway! Got the cheek to say im not knowledgeable, a kettle calling the pot black, afterall.

Sometimes I feel she is out to make my life difficult here. Too many occasions she did on purpose to get me back on personal grounds. sickening!!

#555

2009-07-24T23:39:00.002+08:00

2 days ago, spent 5 hours at McDonald's to revise for the mid term test that i took at night. Though it allocates only 35% marks, I'm determined to obtain as many mark as possible. I hope to clear this paper - one of the toughest module. I could not imagine having to fork out another 2K re-sitting for the exams. MCQ is a killer! and the problem sums, the ones i had the easiest way out to solve, i could not even score full for them! formulae! and yep, im not studying anymore in any mcdonald's outlet. damn distracting.

With the virus, i find myself falling ill easily nowadays. Najmi has been ill for a week and the signs of recovery is at its slowest rate. He had stomach flu and will not be getting any better with no medicine. He just hates medicine....tried so many ways unsuccessfully.

Ezzaty did something bad today. She'll be barred from using the internet for as long as the ban is not lifted. I have confiscated her handphone and her ezlink card is no longer in her possession. Its partly not her fault but it takes 2 hands to clap right? I cant blame her classmate totally. Im thankful that her classmate's mom is very cooperative on this matter. She was not even defending her child like any parent would be when I called to clarify the matter. I have to be neutral, my child may be at fault. cant take her word without valid evidence. Its not me to reprimand somebody's child blindly. ( I was accused like that when i was in P1. so i know how it'll affect our self esteem and morale.)

In fact, the classmate's mom asked her child to return my call to apologise after interrogating her for the truth. and she wanted me to speak to her personally and made her promise not to do that again..she was sobbing saying her sorry. children nowadays...! we have to go around one big jungle ...sigh!

Final exams has been scheduled a few days before the ramadhan...
I was in the midst of planning my time for revision for the two papers...my diary is full of colours..yellow, red and green to highlight the days which I have to reserve for studying and practising the problems calculation.

I seek HIM to guide me the easy path to gain this knowledge, its tougher than i thought..but if many can succeed, i dont see why i cant....!!

Never gives up before even trying.
Those who gives up easily is Satan's best friend.
I do not wish to be even his pen pal....Allah forbids!

#554

2009-07-13T11:44:00.004+08:00

Its been a trying week for me.
I got rid of J, and for now my school life is back TO normal (NORMAL = peaceful) thankfully. I feel awkward when we bump into each other, not sure how to react, but nevertheless, i feel at ease. i just have to pretend not knowing him. It sounds cruel but that's life. one cannot be selfish and think of oneself only, this is what u get. people will shun you!

Not enough with the trouble I had with this J, another J from the workplace gave me a big headache. I shall not mentioned what it was, I was as surprised to learn her true colour and yes, I have no faith in her. No trust. Not ever. Though she had apologised umpteen times. A promise made is a promise to be kept. In fact, she made me look bad getting involved in her game. Enough said, I'll be a fool if ever to be part of her plot again.

CF module is tough, so tough that I am clueless as what is expected from me.
I've been going through the texts, notes and still i do not know what is CF all about. Die, how to pass like that? I dreaded to attempt the tutorial questions. The last one I did, I gotten half of it correct and worse, cant even get the first 3 right.(veryone said these were the easiest! duH!)...
How could I overlook that formula? I totally cant recall....

After the first class, I was so stressed up that I could not breathe. My chest was so tight up that I thought my time is up. It was a traumatizing moment!
How to sleep when your mind is so full of numbers, theory, graphs and formulae!! and i cant afford to FAIL.

I was full of worries, uncertaintites and fears!!

I had a good talk with I-vy. She's already half through the programme and will be graduating in 4 months time. Was telling me many who had taken up the FInance modules could not pass through and advised me to drop doing double major.

Accounting is already so hard, what with doing the double major with FInance...yep, terribly difficult. I've acquired the electives that I-vy did, and after considering the modules - I will be registering close to hers. Its not easy but at least manageable compare to the Finance modules which require more of my analytical skill and principle based learning.

Looking back, I should've stick to my initial plan of doing single major and 4 elective modules when i signed up for the course in April :(

but its not too late, many had changed their minors along the way..they had tried to find some modules interest them though they had never thought of learning. Others are like myself.now i understand the system here of flexibility.........

I know the consultant meant well when he encouraged me to do the double major, but I guess he was not aware that its easier said than done. Yes, it will look good on your certificate but with what im going through, it just not worth the pain.

I've called the consultant in the morning, the fees shall remain the same, no change since for accounting undergraduate we are still required to complete 12 modules, either you are doing double or single major.

So I'll be majoring in accouting with management as my minor subjects. (this is final)

Im feeling better having thought of the lesser burden after dropping Finance modules altogether. Securites & investment are not meant for me. Its for the future records. Im more to the historical records and that's what accounting is all about.

#553

2009-07-06T14:43:00.002+08:00

I was very disturbed the past 2 days.
I dont know, just so many unhappy incidents happened.

#552

2009-07-04T23:30:00.002+08:00

Told ya that I will blow my top soon.
I think I've been kind and nice enough to be used.
I never expect anything in return but please do not take advantage of my kindness.

I had enough when J called and so called ordered me to ask the lecturer about the assignment for him!! I have not even touch those assignments myself - with all the problems surfacing during the upload. I had my share of problems, never once I smsed, emailed and pestered him like what he did to me.
Its been 2 months. enough is enough. I raised my voice, telling him to ask the lecturer himself, and he did not talk to me for the entire lesson but still got the cheek to ask me if his result was a borderline. I felt like screaming at him!
instead i pressed hard MY calculator and showed him the marks and gave aloud "aiyah" what a pest!

Ya know what, he pestered S & P too...! but not worse off than what he did to me.now he's moving on to 2 male classmates, it wont be long, just wait.

Gotten the mid semester exam result, sigh sigh sigh...careless mistakes!
I will be very careful, those 2 marks are precious...wasted just like that. Should have read the question over again.

I've done one exercise for the final exams, took me almost an hour. I'm just not familiar of how to tackle the question. I just hate the feeling of uncertainty and waste the time thinking where, how and what to do!

#551

2009-07-03T14:19:00.002+08:00

Look at the damages she had done!
I know that we cannot allow anyone to rule us but yeah she did.
The slightest mention of her name made me fume mad! real mad that some of my colleagues here gotten burnt by the heat.

I want nothing to do with her unless its work related!
Why do we have to accomodate to her blardy mood?

enough said....im trying hard to stay sane.

Last night, sat for the mid semester exam, i think i did not do so badly.
I could answer most except for 2 with confidence. Didnt expect theory question will be out, i've applied whatever knowledge i had..some are quite close to the MCQ options.

J is getting to my nerve yet again, i try to be nice to him as best as i could. But i know it will not be too long he'll get it from me. he'd rather ask me than the lecturer who could explain to him better, its okay to ask but not during lesson!! How am i to concentrate? another thing, he is so pessimistic! such a wet blanket.!

Hahah.....sorry buddy, u r just too much ok. i've tried to assist u the best i could, but if you are so stressed out for nothing, it'll affect all of us. In fact some of us had already shunned you...i'll be next if i could no longer tolerate ur nonsense.

Btw, i've got hold of the past year papers, it was from 2005, the latest i could get.
I've planned out to complete the assignment by tonight and revised whatever i could for the final year. good luck!

#550

2009-07-01T16:52:00.003+08:00

Received sms from SMS last night to conduct an orientation for a new staff today.
Its becoming part of my job already. Shared with sis Z of what been troubling me lately, though it will not change things around, at least my heart is much lighter to have shared with someone and most importantly who understand better my position.

She's been around long enough to know what kind of head my SM is. Like I've said, many wonder how do i survive day by day facing her and enduring her terrible mood swings. What do you expect, if others who are not under her who only gets to see her only once in the blue moon already cannot stand the sight of her, imagine my situation.

Speaking about double standard! She had mentioned what and how I should behaved as her assistant because whatever I will be projecting will reflect on her as my superior. So I was reminded to be mindful of what I was going to say, to react and so on..its like a protocol. (a stupid one!))

I just do not get her point. If we have a standard to adhere for certain levels in the management, why have i always been excluded in events that involved the management, most of it were the expensive offshore seminars, trainings and what have you which only the managers will have to attend? Am i not one of your managers? Then why do I have to undertake the managers' task but not being able to enjoy the perks and benefits of being one????

I was asked to discuss this matter to the boss. After been reminded that I was not been encouraged to say my views because that is not what AM should be doing, I will just have to shut my mouth.

I can only see to observe.

After conducting the orientation, I took half day Childcare Leave, used up all the 6 days for this year. I care less to save for rainy days. I will not be compensated for not using them, I'd rather use it now during our off peak period and enjoy the day without having to face that blardy superior.

Sorry for being too cranky and whiny :(((

#549

2009-07-01T00:42:00.003+08:00

I guess we were not meant to be communicating with each other for the past weeks.
I could not put my thoughts on her chat box (there were always errors appearing on my pc) and even overlooked that she had left her comments on mine.

I didnt get to receive the news of her demise on the actual day, I just did not feel like logging on to the pc. Terrible headache came again and this time it caused my BP to hit the 169 mark. The medication made me weak and too drowsy to do anything.

Thank goodness, I was feeling better this morning and decided to browse through my facebook for updates. I was in disbelief reading Su's status that her dearest sis Sulas whom i've been connecting through our journals had passed away :(((

I am still very remorseful for not making much efforts to meet up when she was still around. I thought visiting her blog and FB is good enough to show what this friendship meant to all of us.

I had heard the sayings that "Allah S.W.T loves him/her more than anybody else when HE decided that its time for him/her to go".

She is in a better place than us. She's with the Creator. For someone who has always brought light to someone else's life with her gentle words of console, her warm love and sincere thoughts, she definitely deserves the best and that best has to come from HIM.

I think I have not said enough that I am so grateful to have met Su again after all these years. Reuniting with her is the start of a beautiful friendship with someone whom i may not get to know in any possible ways. Its a miracle how our paths had crossed.

Untuk Almarhummah Sulastri,
Kehadiranmu bagaikan bintang yg bersinar terang
Persahabatan tulusmu akan tetap ku kenang
Ketiaadanmu akan dirasai
Pergimu tiada ada yang ganti
Doaku semoga kau tenang disana
Kirimanku hanyalah redha, pasrah dan Al-Fateha.

Untuk Su sekeluarga,
Allah lebih menyayanginya lebih daripada kita kasihkan dia.
Ada hikmah disana buatnya, kebahagiaan abadi menantinya
Redhakanlah permergiaannya walaupun sukar untuk dipercaya
Agar rohnya tenang dan dicucuri rahmatNYA - Amin.

Salam Ikhlas,
Sahabatmu yg jauh dimata dekat dihati. Ana :(((

#548

2009-06-26T16:10:00.002+08:00

How infuritating!
I am still feeling sore about what SM had said.
I guess its true after all that its meaningless to be frank...she'll use that to hit me back.

Urgh!

#547

2009-06-23T21:31:00.051+08:00

Its been a busy & hectic week, nevertheless, I've enjoyed the time spent with my loved ones.
The short getaway to yet again KL and Melaka was great, our roadtrip even extended to Nilai...and yep we've made it to Genting Highlands by cable car. I drove from Pagoh to err..almost Ayer Keroh..thrilling at least for me, to exceed the 100km/hr...nevermind if i didnt get to drive around Kl, ..the GPS is not helping at all...

Ezzaty's schedule was filled with excursions - crocodile farm, Mini olf, picnic at EC and pizza hut kitchen tour. She barely had time for herself except for facebooking...im glad that her time is well spend, she made new friends and explore new things, something that she will not be able to attain in her school.

I was feeling all stressed up receiving email from the school at this such short notice that I have to bring my own lappie for the TAP! Why didnt they tell me earlier, i could not possibly bring my Macbook since the software to install requires Windows Vista or at least 2000.....Mac is not compatible at all for the QB software....oh dear!

Here I am trying to calm myself, while at the other end, been getting emails from J who keeps telling me that and this modules are difficult!!
Oh GOD! when will he stop...such a demoraliser..(is there such a word, but yeah, he's something like that)

Oh well, work is fine, im just going with the flow...it doesnt matter anymore who is right or wrong.

#546 -090609

2009-06-10T22:14:00.010+08:00

It was a small family affair celebrating Ezzaty's 9th birthday.
We had to postpone celebrating it on Sunday because Edd was on afternoon shift after the wedding reception.
To avoid the rush, all of us agreed to do it on her birthday itself though it was a short one.

Earlier, Ezzaty participated the amazing race organized by the tuition centre. Her team didnt win, I was glad SM was not her facilitator....!

#545

2009-06-08T11:39:00.005+08:00

Last week, Ed decided to make a pair of transistion though he has perfect eyesight as a bithday gift from me. He was impressed on how this glasses works.
He would want to wear it while at work and forgo the hassle of putting on shades
(he really look awkward initially)

Im really gonna sounds like a small girl getting her favourite lollipops!

Each time going to this optician, im tempted to make a pair of glasses.
But never did I want to check my eyesight because for once, i thought my degree will not change, even if it did, it'll be very slight.

oh well, I decided to check though my initial intention was to accompany Edd to make his. (actually ive already eyeing on one!)

The current one is almost 2 years (excuses) and also this optician is very good in "encouraging" me to change ( a fact)....he would display all the latest ones..and nice ones too...especially the range from Monalisa..urgh!

yep, my eyesights had improved significantly...the right one by 75 and the left one by 25....I thought it was due to the UV protection which i gotten from the transition, had asked a colleague who put on transition glasses as well if her eyesights had improved, hers unfortunately had increased. so my conclusion would be the Brand's Berry essence which I have been religiously taking....

i never thought it works wonder. So now i've got a valid reason to make a pair..

cool eh. my Monalisa glasses...

#544

2009-06-04T10:28:00.002+08:00

I'm thinking to move on...but not sure when is the right time.
Yes, im tired of not being in a job longer.
Earning a degree to stick here is just out of the question....

#543

2009-05-26T20:21:00.002+08:00

Its been a challenging week.
The kids are taking turns to fall ill, recuperate and recover.
The flu bug is working hard attacking all of us at home.

I've collected the text from K only to find its a different edition.
I went down again to the campus to purchase hoping not to meet J, and what do you know, he was there!
I pretended to be very pleased to see him and giving lame excuses for my presence.LOL!

Meetup with former mates from N-i-C was cancelled at the last minute, M's relative passed away.
I could not find any other day to squeeze in for our future date though i sounds excited. Class to start very and i've got other important stuff to settle before hitting back to the classroom.

what else...? oh yeah, im trying the supplements sold by S to boost my energy and memory capacity.
I hope the softgels work wonder!

#542

2009-05-17T22:25:00.002+08:00

On and off I've been going to the campus to finalise the enrolment, purchase books,etc.
Im quite comfortable with the modules I had chosen. The consultant is very helpful on this.
In fact from the beginning of this whole thing, i've been very independent. im happy with the whole process until I got to know J, the very kiasu coursemate. He's been emphasizing on how difficult the next module that i will be taking and ask me to reconsider my choice and join him. I was thinking well, every module has its fair share of strenghts and weaknesses...thats what learning is all about....he's been saying that on few occasions till I had to tell him off. What he thought may not be all accurate in fact, the killer modules were in 4th & 5th trimster....what made him think CFA is the one...he is definitely clueless on this. ( tell me about it since he has never take up accounting before)

Eversince that episode, I try not discuss any school issue with him, agreeing with whatever he had to say and very firm with my decision at the same time. no point arguing, it'll get me to nowhere.
why would i change just because one Tom says so....whatever he says has no effect on me.

The four of us sent mak for her treatment today, was so relieved that her illness was not that serious. Was prescribed few dosaes of medicine and will have to follow up next month. I was thinking to seek treatment for my recurring flu and bad memory.

P/s: Thanks Sulas for your doa. I cant seem to update my chatbox with the constant brickerings between Ez & Az. sigh sigh sigh!

#541

2009-05-04T23:19:00.002+08:00

I WAS supposed to consult doctor for medical certificate today.
Procrastinating, taking few naps here and there and bingo it was already 6!
I guess I had to take urgent leave as a substitute. But I still have not recovered from the ache.
The Sunday function was getting on me, my immunisation system is really low!

Received emails from the school for the remaining modules' results.
Alhamdulilah, I made it through. So Im heading straight to the 2nd year in June09.

I still have to go down to submit my order form for TAP modules. What a hassle!

Cant get to sleep, im taking painkiller to heal the ache!
Its normal for me to get flu every now and then but not at this time...people would shun me when i mentioned I had flu.
sigh!

#540

2009-05-01T12:35:00.002+08:00

Finally, I manage to finalize the days for our short getaway. It'll be from 14/6 to 17/6/09. Thanks to the company function on 13 June, I had to waste the weekend just like that.

I could not get Ivy to reply with regards to her used textbooks for the technology process module. she must be busy revising for her exams.
I guess I have to purchase. Thankfully Kovy had assured to pass all his textbooks (for the similar modules we are taking) for me to choose. I may not be able to save on all but at least some of the modules' textbooks costs.

Collected the blossom cakes from Kak L, this time I was more confident to drive but of course the parking still my worst. No major hiccup except for one 'kind' motorist who refused to give way, horned at me instead. sigh!

This time Najmi & Twinny accompanied me. I was very careful and alert, I do not wish to harm my loved ones. In fact, I have always strived to be a safe driver just like what R had taught me, its only that at times, I have to go with the flow. It never hurt to be safety and cautious but not all motorists think likewise. I'm not gonna compromise with anything else. No matter how E had been mentioning that at times we cannot be so strict with rules, I TRY not to break it. Insya-Allah!

I'm waiting for Alia and family to arrive....its such a nice holiday mood to gather around your family members!

#539

2009-04-26T10:08:00.002+08:00

Drove Ezz to the tuition centre aka my office. all by myself. (at last)
I insisted not to go by the highway. Reached earlier than I thought via the longer route. I was quite familiar with the neighbourhood, so going by not Eddris' way was much easier. (He refreshed so many times on how to go about via the expressway, that i was so sure im not going through there...just hate the heavy traffic).

Alhamdulilah. reached the centre safe and sound and early, in fact we managed to get Ezz her favourite iceblended strawberry drink. Its too humid and hot that we cant resist cold drink at this time of the day..it was only 9am!

When comes to parking...yeah, terrible but manageable.
Since its the weekend, the MCP is free so i didnt think twice about parking the car there. Dont feel quite right about parking at the reserved season lots, so aftrer consulting F, I drove up to the 3rd level...haha..
i was so relieved instantly after done that, not having to worry about being fined..LOL!

Will be here till 1130am...i was not thinking about office matter...all can wait till monday!! yup yuo yup!

#538

2009-04-25T14:22:00.003+08:00

In the office right now.
Enjoying my ice blended moccha oreo flavour while waiting for Ezz's lesson.
Thought of settling some office task but i was far ahead of the deadline. so whats the rush. I'll settle them next week..yup!!

Im done and over with the re-enrolment.
Everything is settled. All I have to do is to focus and excel.
Results will be reflected on my transcript. Im aiming for the best, its possible but its not easy. Modules are getting tougher...

Some of the books, I've decided to purchase used ones from I.
She'll be completing her degree soon.
Thank Allah, I get to know her during the bridging. I'll need her help on some matters.

As for now I shall enjoy my long break...i'll be hitting the books from 27 June.
Aiya! I've to reschedule our family getaway...AGAIN.

#537

2009-04-13T22:47:00.002+08:00

Its been awhile. The month long break is over too soon. Back to school on the 2nd April and was over with the IT paper on last wednesday, which was a disappointment. My mind was totally blank during exams...have never encountered such thing before. I got mixed up with the terms, definitions, even the characteristics. To think i had spent 2 days revising, not to mention to fall ill because of all the memorisings...just not worth it. oh well, it shows how i was not into IT except for stuff like facebook, blogspot..etcs...or else IT is just not my subject. hope i manage to pass just like i did for econs.

Its April already and soon in 4 months to come, the external audit is here. oh well, i hope i dont to have to face it.LOL!
Thanks to FB, reunited with my gangs from NIC..we were planning to meet up, but not sure when since M is away now in states. she's enjoying life..can see from all the photos she posted...she's practically travelling.

Speaking of travelling, i have to put on hold all plans for holidays far far away...yep, as for now, we could only plan to go to the neighbouring countries...err..country which is malaysia..LOL!
not till ive completed my study which had used up most of our funds...both me and edd. who wouldnt want to see the world?? Patience pays, i hope.

I finally had the courage to drive without Edd. On Good Friday, drove to sembawang with twinny and safely back home,not without funny incidents. Drove with both the aircons on and the rear windows were down..no wonder the sounds of other vehicles were so clear and both of us were complaining that the aircon wasnt working..and I drove many miles longer just because I didnt like to change lane! ....LOL!!

#536

2009-03-26T20:07:00.003+08:00

I dont like the new FB format.
It didnt keep me posted on friends' updates like it used to.
So many things shunned me...like i only realise that an ex-colleague had deleted me from her list.
both me and A....her former friends @ work. we cant find the reason for her action....well, be it.

received a shocking news that a colleague from the other centre was terminated.
im saddened to learn of her desperation. its sad she had to sought this way.
i really hope she can handle the situation well..what with her troubled domestic affairs.

completed 2 internal audits..leaving one for the coming Monday.
Deadlines was met on time...im glad.

I passed the dreaded econs paper...im surprised but deligted.
did quite well for the company law, scored high distinction.
2 more modules in April. 2nd year semester to commerce in May09.

Will not be jogging this Sat. Ezzaty will be perfoming...im giving her my moral support.
she'll be the narrator for the puppet show...im thrill to watch it.

#535

2009-03-19T10:08:00.002+08:00

Many friends @ work would critise me if I were to update my status in FB as " bla bla is feeling less tenseful w/o boss and colleague around". So I kept mum about me being alone in the office instead highlighting to the world across that Im " trying my best to meet the dateline earlier than scheduled" which I honestly trying..oh well, multi-tasking as usual as well here.

The aches from the race are slowly going away not w/o consulting the doctor. I was given a day mc with another one KIV in case im not getting better. Im getting weaker, easily get tired...i guess I have to take things easy.

Im enjoying the 3 weeks long break from studies. Time are spent with the family more than for myself these days. I seldom watch TV, read books or even magazines which used to be my favourite pastimes. Other than logging into the lappie to update FB or Blogspot, time seems to pass so fast that after a while, its time to sleep for a new day.

I was quite mad to find out that the previous learning centre which i took the FM diploma offers a similar degree course. If it had came out with this new programme earlier, I would not have switch to the current centre and save $4K altogether! On a better note, I am quite doubtful about the awarding Uni..never heard of it before though it's from Australia and the modules are the same except that it does not offer minor, only major.

#534

2009-03-15T16:12:00.005+08:00

Oh yes, our Vios had an interior facelift. I ordered coverseats online and 4 days later, L came down to deliver and install....
hmm....im happy with my choice. :-)

Now looking into accessories...too bad the coverseats didnt come with the matching seatbelts pads, wheel cover and neckrest...

here's the new look..

**********************************************
14/03/09- We Won
Its amazing how we could have won the A-m-a-z-i-n-g R.a.c.e yesterday.
Being the indoor type, I participated because I had to and not so much to win but one thing for sure I have to try my best.
In fact everyone in the team was surprised to be the first to reach the last station. Good work!! Hard work came in with very hard pains and aches all over. urghhh.....

#533

2009-03-10T18:17:00.003+08:00

Its been more than a week...hmmm...hello!

Im still in the office, multi-tasking obviously.
Boss will be on long leave next week, so she wants some of the stuff to be done earlier - much earlier than scheduled...
shall not complain...HAVE to see it in the positive way....
i'll just need to switch certain tasks.....executing the important ones first.

Its been a week since the day i could drive legally.
On Sat I drove from Tampines to home after the tahlil and on Sun drove from home to woodlands and back....both with Eddris next to me..so far so good, the only setback is and still I HATE to change lane and please fellow motorists
"Cant u see my P plate?"..Be patient and stop horning...aiyah!!"

Mak still does not allow me to drive without supervision..at least for these few months.

#532

2009-03-03T15:04:00.003+08:00

In a week, I didnt expect lots of things to happen, what more the bad ones.

On 27/2/09, I started on the Econs tutorial only to find the lecturer sucked big time. I endured 14 hours of lecture, only to be disappointed by the minutes of his nonsensical preaches. Nothing valuable got into my head, what a waste of time!!
I dont feel good about this paper unlike the previous 4 -I could hardly know how and where to start to study!

Celebrated Najmi's 3rd bithday on 28/02/09. Had ordered a 1kg Laugh A Lot Carebear cake, bought pizzas and some snacks for the family mini celebration. I have not bought him yet what I thought I would....this weeked maybe, sorry dear, Ibu is so busy, hope u dont mind the belated gift. Somehow he received gifts from Nenek, Ummi, Ayi & bibik with that kinda of expression "uhh...ohh...thank you" no surprise look either....kids will always be kids...too young to understand the meaning of appreciation.

Come to the saddest news...on 27 Feb, I decided to apply for urgent leave to visit a very ill aunt in CGH. I thought why dont i visited her now, instead of Sunday, I dont feel like working since all the urgency @ work had been resolved. Told Mak that I could not wait till Sunday to see this aunt, she's been in the hospital for almost 2 weeks, why wait any longer. I was so relieved to see her so cheerful and healthy, she didnt look at all like what i heard from others. Deep inside, I was so glad that she was all so well despite the complications she had faced earlier, better still she was waiting for the children to pick her up. she was officially discharged on 27/02/09 after on antibiotic drip for a week.

You could sensed her high spirit as she went around the ward, saying her goodbye to her other mates, consoling them that soon it'll be their turns.

While waiting for my cousin from the pharmacy, I took the chance to give her some token, after much hesitation, she finally accepted it (very rare, often she'll reject) and was asking me if there was anything that I would like her to pray for. Told her she already did for me for so many occasions and even told her that I passed my TP. (she was the one who always pressured me to take up driving)

Told me jokingly, since I had passed, then its time for her to buy a Mercedez for me, reminded her to think twice of what she wished for cos I might want her to do just that. She smiled sheepishly and then looked down as if in her deepest thought. She was not interested either on what shoes to choose when my cousin was eagerly looking out one for her. Her mind was still on her daughter in law, she was deeply hurt by her actions. She was full of worries. As we departed, Im not sure what came over me, i kissed her hand but something was stopping me from hugging her, as if I will GET to do that some other time......

Eversince that day, there will be no other time.
I was glad to follow my heart not to wait for sunday....
On 1st March, while I was in class, cousin N called to inform she had left us all.
In moment of disbelief, I left class immediately.

She was admitted to A & E after emergency aids from the paramadic failed.
A post mortem autopsy was scheduled since her departure was a sudden one and the cause of her death had no relation to what she had been diagnosed. It shocked us all terribly.

And I was so mad that I had followed what my heart said that I cant describe how remorseful I was...
I will never see and hug her alive again.

This is the 2nd time. 1st time I failed to visit my first aunt when she was dying and now, I didnt manage to hug my 2nd aunt when she was there alive infront of me simply i THOUGHT i'll see her again :(

I gave my last respect yesterday for the burial ceremony...I've decided not to kiss her for the last time cos I was so painfully sad not doing so when I saw her 2 days ago. I hate myself for that!! Im living life full of regrets now.

She will always stay in our hearts as someone so cheerful, happy and strong-willed.
Mak had lost her soulmate, the one she confided in.

Her nephews and nieces had lost a great aunt with the biggest and warmest heart.

I lost both an aunt and a mom altogether.
Seriously, though I was hurt by her actions sometimes ago, I know it was of no fault of hers. She was a victim of the circumstances then. I had forgiven her long time ago though I may not had said it out right.

Rest in Peace Obek.
May your soul be placed amongst the righteous.
May Allah bless you. Ameen.

#531

2009-02-26T18:36:00.002+08:00

Today is my lucky day and the heavy downpour brought blessing for my traffic police test @ 250pm.
I made it and got my license. After 5 months of sweats, anxiety and kanchiongness, my efforts finally paid off.
This time people @ work except for Lynn were not aware and so i guess it gave me less pressure.
Shoud have done that on the first attempt but never mind, importantly im officially done and over with this burden.

I can be legally behind the wheels as from today.
SMSed all those who had gave their support, encouragement and doa....ALHAMDULILAH!!

Gave Rohani and Ani a treat...both came all the way to give me moral support for the 2 attempts...i didnt disappoint them this time. Hubby and Mak didnt believe that I've made it...had to tell them twice.LOL!!

Im so glad its O-V-E-R!!

#530

2009-02-19T10:19:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I left for my revision 20 minutes earlier cos I didnt want to be late for the POA paper. The journey took almost 11/2 hr! Yeah, u can say i rugi 20 minutes of expensive lesson but never mind.

POA paper was manageable, though I skipped few theory questions. Wrote what I knew, not so much what I had learnt by hard. Left the hall an hour earlier cos I've completed all 4 questions. sitting there to pass time will only make matter worse. I will be so itching to make adjustment.

I've switched places again with A. He gets irritated everytime i need to take the files from the cupboard behind....but this time i kinda like my place.
so far what I like about my job is my workstation...small yet cosy!

I hope we are not affected by the economic crisis.
2 of my former colleagues were retrenched on Tuesday morning. I was both shocked and saddened by the news. Cos one of them was just promoted last year. Both had served the company for more than 10 years.

But funny thing, one colleague was saddened that she was not one of those being asked to leave. reason being, her best friend had to go, so it would be good to leave the place together plus the package of golden handshake this time is much better than the previous execise which took place almost 5 years ago.

sigh!...she should not think this way...
maybe she does not have that MUCH commitment that she prefers to be jobless with the package that im not sure how long it can lasts.........

I'd rather be employed cos u never know when u will get your first paycheck.
U may not be getting close to what u r getting now....
everyone is tightening their belts...same goes to companies, they will hire for the lowest for highest productivity.

529

2009-02-14T21:38:00.003+08:00

Im done with 2 papers,one almst n 2 on d way.by early march,i can take things easy n life will not b dis hectic. Raz has safely delivered her twinnies on Thursday, bg d elder via normal delivery n d younger by emergency c-sect. Age gap was by 2 hours! I can imagine d pain Raz had endured. She's one strong mummy. Congrats also 2 another former csps mate,DZAR who delivered her precious princess recently after almst 9 yrs of wait. Miracle do happen and yes good things happen 2 those who never gives up and 2 those who r willing 2 wait. I've asked a small favour fm Raz to pray 4 my success. I desperately want 2 make it this time. Ameen!

#528

2009-02-08T21:32:00.002+08:00

Not sure if I ever deserved to be laughed at when all I need is support.
Maybe I have erred in the past, hurt others' feelings unknowingly that when I was in my lowest, all I get was to be sneered at.
sigh....that's so cruel.

I was thinking if all these did not happen, I wouldn't see the true colours of those so called friends.

Gotten my POM result, did well enough to earn distinction. Alhamdulilah.
Attended statistic class, boy! It was so rush and very draining. Will be sitting for the exam paper on this coming wednesday,
Oh yes, I've decided to apply half day leaves on every wednesday for I have to sit for exam for the next 3 consecutive weeks.

February shall be a much tougher and tiring month to pass through.
I hope Allah will give me the much needed strength, patience and highest level of endurance to help me pull through this challeging period.

oh yes! All the stuff for people at Ached are almost here, waiting for the right time to deliver to Mr RS. Thanks to those who had contributed....Allah Bless u all!

#527

2009-02-04T23:13:00.002+08:00

i heed lyn's advice n kept mum bt my next date. I was already so disappointed in myself,yet Sm had 2 rub on my wound! I was so right not 2 let it out initially but was deceived by d so called support.i've realised who r my true friends.blessing in disguise indeed.

#526 - some pictures to cheer me up

2009-01-31T10:53:00.003+08:00

Photos of my youngest niece, Nadye on CNY.
Isnt she adorable? and that cheeks...oooh..feel like pinching them.
And not forgetting some acts captured pose by bro Naj...cycling happily in the kitchen!

We didnt get to go out much during the long stretch of holidays.
Edd was working on alternate shifts and I am still not legally able to move the wheels...not yet but soon, I assure.
Went to Mustaffa Centre on 1st dy of CNY to purhase recorder for our Tilawah Class.
2nd CNY-a family outing to Geylang, had our lunch at Galaxy cafe....hmmm.....
i wont go there again. not bad for the price but not to what we expected. i'd rather go to Adam road and eat the nasi lemak...

On a better note, I've completed the Iqra lessons, promoted to Tilawah one...will be getting our cert on the graduation ceremony soon. yep!

#525

2009-01-31T10:40:00.002+08:00

It was traumatising!....
cant breathe, cant think straight and im totally out of control. started off bad and ended bad as well....

it'll take quite sometimes to be composed once again, i know.
im consoling myself...i cant be supertitious....

i just have to be strong, be calm and never give up!!!
yeah!! Go Ana....u r not a loser!

524

2009-01-24T22:17:00.002+08:00

im getting nervous.tried not 2 think so much but cant help it.i guess many wld agree with me that TP test is more nerve wrecking than any written tests. In fact,my weekly tests 4 d 7 modules is much easier 2 pass through than this. Oh well,i just have 2 pray 4 göod weather n good tester who is on good mood. Im typing this via my nokia n85. Advance technology indeed! Updating my blog n facebook is a breeze.

#523

2009-01-18T21:06:00.003+08:00

Im having 2 weeks break from lessons, lectures, classes...a good break, sure to enjoy the CNY but im dreading 29 JAN..
at the same time cant wait to get it done and over with....yeah, im having cold feets.

Since Friday, sis Alia and family slept over and the presence of my niece and nephew brought the house down.
Every other hour, I would hear screams, wailings and fights! They had left hours ago, now i missing those chaotic moments....!
Kids sure make a whole lot of difference in your life...

Thanks Alia, we had an advance mini birthday bash for me and Ani...She & Mun travelled to NP to get us a yummy chocolate cake and pies!

Its so different compared to last year, when Ani wasnt here to be with us....this year is much better!

I've got a handphone (my dream phone, must take care - cos i've lost N5310 twice but lucky to get it returned!..)...
and a hobo bag (I really like the design) from Ed!

Thanks so much everyone!
As much as i dreaded to get a year older, i definitely look forward to all these surprises!
muka tak tau malu....!

#522

2009-01-14T14:07:00.002+08:00

1st module started and ended well. In fact, after 3 sessions of lecture, i will be sitting for the exam today @ 7pm.
I thought I will not be able to enjoy the module because this isnt the first time I study POM. In fact, barely a year ago, I've completed the module for the diploma programme.

The lecturer had done his job well by imparting tacit knowlege which cannot be found in any textbook. Most of the time, he would ask me if i felt left out mainly his jokes were in hokkien and mandarin...Told him its fine with me....in fact i understand some of it...dont even need a translator...he insisted me asking my other coursemates...which is so unnecessary...funny guy!

At times, i could sense he stop himself from making racist jokes because I was there....Im grateful for that.

I get to know the others, I was not the only one who ever took POM, in fact more than 5.
E & A are very approachable, we exchanged numbers and will definitely meet again for the other modules, POA, Econ & stats.

Im certainly the only one married with kids.
Most of them are graduates from the poly and majority are young chaps below 25! for this, i should be feeling so out of place...

#521

2009-01-08T13:33:00.003+08:00

Najmi isnt well today, and was awarded mc. so I'm at home on child sick leave.
I'm starting school today, so leaving from home will not get me so tense...I will have ample time to board the train and reach the campus on time....

Alhamdulilah, due to no class on the CNY week, the week, Im sitting for TP will not be so packed.
Allah S.W.T definitely has better plan for me....my worries are unfounded.

Our 1st gathering of EX-PHS malay students on 28 Dec 2008 was a success, and so we are planning for a 2nd one in March..yippe!!

Thanks to FB, we are reunited for good, im sure this bonding will last till the end of time..with the help of technology, getting connected is a breeze via sms, email...etc!

And Im so amazed seeing former mates getting their degree and master on top of their career and family...
get me all geared up to complete this programme.....that's why im looking forward to the start of this lesson...not that Im the studious type but I wanna get it done and over with soonest possible..before Najmi starts his P1!

I think I'll be the last one to complete since my peers are in the mid of their final year....well, better be late than never!

#520 - SR (perempuan gila di FB)

2009-01-01T15:20:00.003+08:00

Funny how it could end this way..

Having a account with F-A-C-e book enables you to reconnect with lost friends, make new ones and keeping touch with current ones. It does not seem to happen likewise to Eddris...

His once shorterm gf-during his secondary days found him and boy! was she so excited.

She sent personal messages twice (hows marriage, where r u working, hows life) but was not reciprocated, simply both of us did not log in to that account for quite sometimes. and went on giving preaches that being a muslim, one should not break the ties and gave her mobile number to be contacted...

Thinking that Eddris rejected to add her in his friend list, she complained to our mutual friend and that friend ask the darn question of "why are u not acknowledging her" on the wall post..(for the whole world to read)!

Adding her finally...she made repeated comments on Eddris physical changes which any sane human would not want to respond. What is there to say...yeah, he's expanded almost twice since the last time you guys met...so?

And her madness went overboard, updating her status calling us stone age people and ya know what, another asshole from their batch even mentioned "pity 2 their partner to have such thinking" - whatever they tried to put it, I have guessed as much she was frustrated that Eddris decided not wanting 2 know anything more about her - be it the past, present or future.

Well, it boils down to her eagerness to share her success - being a financial controller, drives 2 cars and raised wonderful angels who excel in sport, bla bla bla.....hoping by passing all those comments, she would want people to ask back "hows things wih you,.and so it will break the ice to her life story especially when the schoolmates have not met for 17 years....

and i thought when finally eddris updated his status - "thanks all for the comments posted, its the truth and that's why i have nothing to say" would answer her doubts....she went on to remark - thats not the Eddris we knew!
and guess what, she was even mad when I told her that my husband prefers not to say anything...- updated her status "SR does not understand why facebook user need a secretary"! such a b***tch!

cant she accept that people move on and change for the better...
and that the person she used to know is not the same person he is now....
and he does not want to recall all those memories and let alone to be your friend again.....u r just not one of his friends he wants to keep....

and so to stop all the unnecessary uhappiness being a facebook user - we decided to block her, her best friend (another b**tch who shows off her ability to use ambigous words) and an a%&hole who has nothing better to do but goes around gossiping - and he's a man, for goodness!

peace at last - what a way to end 2008!
meeting up with pyscho in less than 10 days...yes, that was how short they became facebook pal...!

2wards the end of 2008

2008-12-27T09:05:00.003+08:00

random pics taken during the holiday....

#518

2008-12-18T19:04:00.002+08:00

Im looking forward to 2009.
Moving on to a better tomorrow since confirmed plans have already been lined up for the first half of 2009.

Jan - It will be a busier year since im resuming studies on the 8th and of course, my TP test.
I'll have to reorganise my schedule - no more religion class on weekend for the time being.
I have to start looking for one in the evening....any day except for Monday and Thursday.

Mar - The household will be getting a new domestic helper since yati will be going back to her homeland - its been 2 years already and neither of us wants to prolong this contract. I hope we will be getting if not better, at least someone like her. Thank Allah, Im free for the whole Mar, I'll help Mak since the new helper would be generally new about everything concerning the chores.

May - End of year 1, i'll be proceeding to year 2 & 3 of the bachelor programme for 12 more modules.

Now, I hope I will have time to sew..the curtains!!

Oh yes, Kak N get on to my nerves yet again.
Must she said those things?
Obviously someone is the type who gloats over ones' misfortunes....#@$%!

#517

2008-12-09T16:36:00.002+08:00

On leave today to meet up with the consultant.
Yup! Im starting my bachelor course in Jan08, exactly a month from today.
I've decided to major in professional accounting instead of finance. closer to what im doing right now.

It shall be a packed and busy January for me, lessons every thurs, sat & sun and test practically every week.
The good news is I will be totally free for the whole month of March...great, can plan for short trip with the family.

Alhamdulilah, my iqra class will not be affected, at least for Jan to April09.

#516

2008-12-05T10:10:00.004+08:00

I have no mood to work.
Looking forward to a laidback weekend.

Im helping Mak with the Eid's mini celebration by baking banana cake right after morning lesson tomorrow....another day around AMK.

Im glad i dont have the cold feet behind the wheels...
BUT I've yet to overcome the fear of heavy traffic flow..ai!

#515

2008-11-30T19:52:00.002+08:00

I've completed all 30 lessons last friday. Next week onwards will be revisions and revisions till the test date.
Not indicating here when will be the date cos it will add more pressure to my already pressured self...hah!

I've improved by 50% on my last assessment, will try to minimise on unnecessary mistakes and perform my best, AMeen!

AR spent most of the time brushing up on my vertical parking which was not taught earlier by him...what to do, i could not get his slot then! My parallel parking was better, obviously cos he taught me, that's what i told him....tengoklah saper yg ajar! and ya know wat he said...tak nak takabur lah...hahah!

During the 2 slots = 4 hours of driving, we talked anything under the sun from health issue to the group TOTO....
He was trying to recall on the tune 'I'll be over you" when I hit the curb...hahaahha!!

I've baked the cookies which I I had promised AA...
I shall bring the 2 containers of cookies tomorrow to office....mission accomplised!

#514

2008-11-26T20:31:00.002+08:00

Had my teeth polished and filled and was told that I brushed my teeth too hard and way too much - 5 times a day.
Twice a day should suffice. No brushing after meals....floss and mouthwash are good enough.

I guess I'm too particular about my smile that brushing with so much strength was a norm.
Time to change that method and habit before it will be way too late.

Had my mock test yesterday.
My assessment on driving was far from good.
Revision time this coming Friday. Hope AR is well, he cant walk properly due to his ghout.SIGH!

#513

2008-11-21T18:50:00.002+08:00

I thought so that I have more leave days and sure enough SM made a mistake.
I braced myself up to ask her if I was entitled half of the year leaves due to my half year probation.
She said no but i guess she was feeling uneasy - unsure of the HRM policy, she asked the big boss and whaddaya know!
I received her sms just then, her apology and the numbers of leaves I have to clear before 2009....

Now, I've got leaves to take up the weekdays slots but AR is not available..SIGH!

#512

2008-11-21T10:22:00.002+08:00

Currently enjoying my friday working phase, no boss to boss me around and partner on leave, its heaven!!

Im listening to my favourite songs while updating the financial statement, its definitely a breeze.

The PSLE result proves that not being in the secular stream, does not mean u cannot excel.

Way to go Al-IRsyad!!
Im sure in years to come, more good results..AMEEN!

I've promised AA that I'll be baking chocolate cookies for him for Raya Haji...
kesian gitu tgk dia......