I almost forgotten that I had a twitter account. Many times I mentioned about twitting more than blogging, the actual fact is i had only posted less than 50 in a year!!
Its time like this when tasks at work is completed, ive got time to read the archives...
I read through Ani's tweets... I can so feel for your frustration :(((
I wish I can hug her again...
Maybe bcos it was u that had to leave that we dont feel so much of the dragness not until on the actual day.
Many times u told us how much u hated to fly back, we thought its only right for u to be with your family, but we forget to understand our bonding.....I think I will be feeling the same way if I were the one to leave all of u behind.
All of us here pray that we will stay together again...indulging on things we love, just like those days when all of u were in spore :)
Perseverance will pay off one day. Amin!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Skype in the air
I have heard many times about SKype. Never get around to get to know this application better not until Ani left for Denver. Been hearing good stuff about it as in no charges and how close we could be when communicating.
How true! Even Mak teared when she saw Firdaus upclose and personal.
She could not continue because she knew how Firdaus felt when he first saw us on the screen. It just that he could not speak to express his "lost" of not seeing us for so many weeks already. He must have said where were you all this while?
I'm so excited abt this skype thingy...I hope it helps us in the long run on controlling the tel charges incurred.
Long distance relationship is never easy - cost, time and heart pain.
How true! Even Mak teared when she saw Firdaus upclose and personal.
She could not continue because she knew how Firdaus felt when he first saw us on the screen. It just that he could not speak to express his "lost" of not seeing us for so many weeks already. He must have said where were you all this while?
I'm so excited abt this skype thingy...I hope it helps us in the long run on controlling the tel charges incurred.
Long distance relationship is never easy - cost, time and heart pain.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Bad weather
There are thunders and lightnings.
Not sure if i can go back later, with the heavy downpour.
I'm not so worry of getting myself wet, im worried of my safety.
Only a day I had to work late to complete my work, but the effect of not getting enough sleep drags for so long. Masih pening2x lalat! Very weak that right after lunch, I did not do much except for filing and flipping my notes.
Have not informed the superior about me not be able to make it for d stupid retreat.
I just had to go for long medication on that days....after all, i have medical records of not being able to withstand heat and no outdoor activity...that will help.
As much as i try not to lie, I guess in this situation, I had to.
Amicable excuse is a big NO...how to soften the hearts to understand that at this point of time, my study is more important, they make it sound as if I try to avoid all gatherings on purpose. Am I such a person?
The heavy rain and loud thunder right now are as if to console me so as not to worry so much.
I hate to have conflicts with the people at work. Im not a trouble maker...its just that each time there is a retreat, I would have something more important to attend to. Its purely coincidences. Believe me!
Not sure if i can go back later, with the heavy downpour.
I'm not so worry of getting myself wet, im worried of my safety.
Only a day I had to work late to complete my work, but the effect of not getting enough sleep drags for so long. Masih pening2x lalat! Very weak that right after lunch, I did not do much except for filing and flipping my notes.
Have not informed the superior about me not be able to make it for d stupid retreat.
I just had to go for long medication on that days....after all, i have medical records of not being able to withstand heat and no outdoor activity...that will help.
As much as i try not to lie, I guess in this situation, I had to.
Amicable excuse is a big NO...how to soften the hearts to understand that at this point of time, my study is more important, they make it sound as if I try to avoid all gatherings on purpose. Am I such a person?
The heavy rain and loud thunder right now are as if to console me so as not to worry so much.
I hate to have conflicts with the people at work. Im not a trouble maker...its just that each time there is a retreat, I would have something more important to attend to. Its purely coincidences. Believe me!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
love to hate
I think I will be back home @ 2130hrs.
I really felt like giving my boss a tight slap.
Its only 20/4, and he called to ask if the accounts is ready.
Then whats the whole point of giving deadline on 23/4?!
He took away half a day of my Monday to attend his stupid meetup, and expect me to expedite.
Im not sure how long i can endure with this stupidity. Someone had passed remark that I was outspoken during meeting. If asking for my rights is considered outspoken, what if I were to tell the boss right in the face that he is such an a**! outrageous, huh?
One incident after another that discourages me to stay on here till graduation.
But how to leave without a job, I do not want to be in that situation again.
sigh....not sure how long. can't wait to go elsewhere. Ive seen the worst, but this is so unprofessional.
Your leave been deducted on your non working day because you just cannot attend the company function - "its my son's orientation for his first day, for goodness sake!"
You are not allow to attend lessons and have to skip 4 lectures due to a compulsory company retreat - its only in Melaka, idiot!
You have to rush from the exams hall because the boss wants you to hand deliver the vendor's cheque - why cant u do it yourself since you are already there?!
on purpose or what?!!
I really felt like giving my boss a tight slap.
Its only 20/4, and he called to ask if the accounts is ready.
Then whats the whole point of giving deadline on 23/4?!
He took away half a day of my Monday to attend his stupid meetup, and expect me to expedite.
Im not sure how long i can endure with this stupidity. Someone had passed remark that I was outspoken during meeting. If asking for my rights is considered outspoken, what if I were to tell the boss right in the face that he is such an a**! outrageous, huh?
One incident after another that discourages me to stay on here till graduation.
But how to leave without a job, I do not want to be in that situation again.
sigh....not sure how long. can't wait to go elsewhere. Ive seen the worst, but this is so unprofessional.
Your leave been deducted on your non working day because you just cannot attend the company function - "its my son's orientation for his first day, for goodness sake!"
You are not allow to attend lessons and have to skip 4 lectures due to a compulsory company retreat - its only in Melaka, idiot!
You have to rush from the exams hall because the boss wants you to hand deliver the vendor's cheque - why cant u do it yourself since you are already there?!
on purpose or what?!!
life cycle
Im still at work. Its that time of the month when I have to complete the task BEFORE the stipulated time. Funny how, after every closing of accounts, I never fail to allocate the next month's duties but yet each month, time is not on my side.
Meeting, training, etc - all these took away my precious time.
I hate to stay back, but it's better to sacrifice now than to SUFFER with all the naggings....being treated like a small kid all over again. Darn!
Im looking forward to the days when working is a choice. Not a must.
Not so hard like now. Too many commitments.
When will it be is not the question.
I'm more interested to know if I will ever be in that laidback easy life situation.
Worried to see the old folks going around collecting tins to make ends meet :((
I fear of that. Let me go through hardship now when Im still healthy and can rely on my other families members to help around. Not when I am alone, sickly and no trusthworthy soul to depend on. I'm too scare to think of that.
Eddris started his school yesterday. First day is never easy.
I can anticipate that all of us will be fighting for his time and attention.
Plans must be prepared ahead to avoid disappointment. Sounds so familiar, was that the scenario 3 years ago?
Meeting, training, etc - all these took away my precious time.
I hate to stay back, but it's better to sacrifice now than to SUFFER with all the naggings....being treated like a small kid all over again. Darn!
Im looking forward to the days when working is a choice. Not a must.
Not so hard like now. Too many commitments.
When will it be is not the question.
I'm more interested to know if I will ever be in that laidback easy life situation.
Worried to see the old folks going around collecting tins to make ends meet :((
I fear of that. Let me go through hardship now when Im still healthy and can rely on my other families members to help around. Not when I am alone, sickly and no trusthworthy soul to depend on. I'm too scare to think of that.
Eddris started his school yesterday. First day is never easy.
I can anticipate that all of us will be fighting for his time and attention.
Plans must be prepared ahead to avoid disappointment. Sounds so familiar, was that the scenario 3 years ago?
Monday, April 19, 2010
Sleepover + Selamba Party
Ani,
I was not feeling well on the day I had to sit for exams.
My head was heavy, felt as if oxygen was not able to make it through.
My chest felt hard, as if there was a huge rock sitting on it.
Mak was telling me not to think so much.
Its hard at this time when I had to recall the facts memorised. I was too afraid of blank out in the exams hall and a sudden memory loss.
Had to be there from 2pm-10pm - 1st paper was fm 2pm-4pm, 2nd paper was fm 7pm - 10pm and its on weekend-saturday! In between, I was having cold feet and diarrhoea..
All in all, though I could not remember all, at least I had something to write, took it from there and tried my best to explain...Thank Goodness,Allah has mercy on me. One was an open book paper while the other paper carried only 50% weightage, so I was not that worry.
After exams, family fetched me from school to Lia's crib. It was squeezy in that small car with everybody including Bibik...hahah! Imagine, Mak fell asleep, Bibik feeling terrible due to motion sickness, Najmi stared hard while Ezzaty and Munyra could not stop talking...I was not even listening to what Edd was saying..good reason to upgrade to a MPV..sigh, like real.
Alia's home is almost settled, Munyra will be helping her out till Tuesday or Wednesday. Wonder how will she survive without internet connection.
We stayed overnight there. But could not sleep well, it was cold, too cold for comfort and I was awaken every hour, Mun was coughing hard..all of us except for Edd slept in airconditioned rooms...and most of us prefer fans to aircons. Mak, myself and Bibik took panadol to ease our sudden headache.
The kids were happy, running around, didnt bother them that we adults were busy unpacking the boxes. So carefree, how I wish adulthood is as that stress free. The atmosphere was like those days we moved to Hougang.....the past really taught us alot.
Had a small impromptu birthday gathering for our nephew Aisy. I sent ur kisses and hugs to him, he gave me that "OOOh, thats nice of you look" but I quickly told him, Im not doing that cos he's being mischievous,heheh!
Will update the photos in FB soon...had to get back to work.
Wasted half the day attending that silly meeting.
Oh yes, I tried the circle line today on my way fm home to Eunos.
Its faster and can avoid that draggy feeling of how many more stations to reach...lesser crowd.
Cant help to think of you cos there is a "Lorong Chuan" station.
Its getting more convenient. And Im now beginning to be like you.
I dont mind working in non Raffles place area anymore.
I was not feeling well on the day I had to sit for exams.
My head was heavy, felt as if oxygen was not able to make it through.
My chest felt hard, as if there was a huge rock sitting on it.
Mak was telling me not to think so much.
Its hard at this time when I had to recall the facts memorised. I was too afraid of blank out in the exams hall and a sudden memory loss.
Had to be there from 2pm-10pm - 1st paper was fm 2pm-4pm, 2nd paper was fm 7pm - 10pm and its on weekend-saturday! In between, I was having cold feet and diarrhoea..
All in all, though I could not remember all, at least I had something to write, took it from there and tried my best to explain...Thank Goodness,Allah has mercy on me. One was an open book paper while the other paper carried only 50% weightage, so I was not that worry.
After exams, family fetched me from school to Lia's crib. It was squeezy in that small car with everybody including Bibik...hahah! Imagine, Mak fell asleep, Bibik feeling terrible due to motion sickness, Najmi stared hard while Ezzaty and Munyra could not stop talking...I was not even listening to what Edd was saying..good reason to upgrade to a MPV..sigh, like real.
Alia's home is almost settled, Munyra will be helping her out till Tuesday or Wednesday. Wonder how will she survive without internet connection.
We stayed overnight there. But could not sleep well, it was cold, too cold for comfort and I was awaken every hour, Mun was coughing hard..all of us except for Edd slept in airconditioned rooms...and most of us prefer fans to aircons. Mak, myself and Bibik took panadol to ease our sudden headache.
The kids were happy, running around, didnt bother them that we adults were busy unpacking the boxes. So carefree, how I wish adulthood is as that stress free. The atmosphere was like those days we moved to Hougang.....the past really taught us alot.
Had a small impromptu birthday gathering for our nephew Aisy. I sent ur kisses and hugs to him, he gave me that "OOOh, thats nice of you look" but I quickly told him, Im not doing that cos he's being mischievous,heheh!
Will update the photos in FB soon...had to get back to work.
Wasted half the day attending that silly meeting.
Oh yes, I tried the circle line today on my way fm home to Eunos.
Its faster and can avoid that draggy feeling of how many more stations to reach...lesser crowd.
Cant help to think of you cos there is a "Lorong Chuan" station.
Its getting more convenient. And Im now beginning to be like you.
I dont mind working in non Raffles place area anymore.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Sleepness
Ani,
These days I've been waking up in the wee morning.
Would go to Mak's bedroom the one u used to sleep and lay next to Mak. Everything in this room reminds me of you...can really visualise how u sleep here :)
Mak never fails to wake up and we would soon end up chatting away till subuh.
This morning, we talked about our past - our childhood struggle without father figure, our life journey from AMK to Hougang - how all of us helped one another to come out from the life we dreaded. How we had shared to build new life in Hougang. and how you had scrifice alot since young for us. Of course, we cried in between ....Thank you Ani!
I cleared off my chest the pain n hurt endured all these years getting sarcasms from our relatives. I recalled how they tried to make things difficult for us, I told Mak what she was not aware of..like them treating us as if we didnt like them....like how they refused to help us when we needed them...nak kena suruh ke?
I'm glad to let it out to her...to tell her what actually they had said to me that she didnt know.
I prefer it this way now that we are independent. We dont owe them anything. But words never come nice from them..you know who lah....
Ani, we have planned out that we would like to experience Ramadhan and Eid with you over there....May Allah S.W.T ease the path. Amin. Its really a good idea, even Mak is for it. But dun know when...hope it will be soon, yah.
I'm sitting for 2 papers tomorrow. Cannot really concentrate to revise, glad been reading the notes every now and then.
Pray for my success. I'm doing all this for all of us :))
These days I've been waking up in the wee morning.
Would go to Mak's bedroom the one u used to sleep and lay next to Mak. Everything in this room reminds me of you...can really visualise how u sleep here :)
Mak never fails to wake up and we would soon end up chatting away till subuh.
This morning, we talked about our past - our childhood struggle without father figure, our life journey from AMK to Hougang - how all of us helped one another to come out from the life we dreaded. How we had shared to build new life in Hougang. and how you had scrifice alot since young for us. Of course, we cried in between ....Thank you Ani!
I cleared off my chest the pain n hurt endured all these years getting sarcasms from our relatives. I recalled how they tried to make things difficult for us, I told Mak what she was not aware of..like them treating us as if we didnt like them....like how they refused to help us when we needed them...nak kena suruh ke?
I'm glad to let it out to her...to tell her what actually they had said to me that she didnt know.
I prefer it this way now that we are independent. We dont owe them anything. But words never come nice from them..you know who lah....
Ani, we have planned out that we would like to experience Ramadhan and Eid with you over there....May Allah S.W.T ease the path. Amin. Its really a good idea, even Mak is for it. But dun know when...hope it will be soon, yah.
I'm sitting for 2 papers tomorrow. Cannot really concentrate to revise, glad been reading the notes every now and then.
Pray for my success. I'm doing all this for all of us :))
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Call
I tried many times to call Ani this morning.
Finally received her sms that she will be reaching her place soon.
Im glad that eveything went well so far despite the very long journey and many stopovers.
I informed mak, she had few things to tell her, so I called her soon after.
Im so glad to hear her voice. It's been like almost the 3rd day already.
Both of us could not continue, just too sad n overwhelmed....
I told her how much we owe her and that we love her very much.
I'm glad that she's been very positive and look forward to a happy beginning.
Ani, we pray that your life will turn out the way you had hoped for.
You had sacrificed alot to manage and keep your family united.
We can never repay you for your company and generosity all this while.
LIfe is full of uncertainty but this time round, you are no longer in doubt.
We are all behind you though its hard to cope with this separation.
You are the Greatest Sister that we are blessed to have :)
Finally received her sms that she will be reaching her place soon.
Im glad that eveything went well so far despite the very long journey and many stopovers.
I informed mak, she had few things to tell her, so I called her soon after.
Im so glad to hear her voice. It's been like almost the 3rd day already.
Both of us could not continue, just too sad n overwhelmed....
I told her how much we owe her and that we love her very much.
I'm glad that she's been very positive and look forward to a happy beginning.
Ani, we pray that your life will turn out the way you had hoped for.
You had sacrificed alot to manage and keep your family united.
We can never repay you for your company and generosity all this while.
LIfe is full of uncertainty but this time round, you are no longer in doubt.
We are all behind you though its hard to cope with this separation.
You are the Greatest Sister that we are blessed to have :)
Hug
Ani,
After reading your journals, I cried all my way home from work.
I cannot wait to share with Mak.
I could not control my tears and burst out telling her how everybody at home has actually indirectly neglect u - emotionally.
Mak realised we were all too busy with our commitments that we became somehow selfish towards you. We cried and hugged for the longest time. We are sorry, Ani! I'm extending Mak's hug to you as well...*hugs*
I dont remember getting a hug from her like this. We rarely had this mother daughter moment...We are always on the lookout for the rest. Mak will want me to be strong cos I'm the eldest so I seldom cry and hug her...The most we ever do would be if Mak was ever unhappy about something, she would share with me, likewise I will look for her if I am not pleased with something.
I thought I was strong enough but it shows I do need a shoulder to cry on.
Mak told me to be strong and recite Alfateha as a sedekah for you.
That you will be much happier there with your family.
I know I had said it abruptly that I may not see u there for the fear of the long journey and cold weather...It seems that I had to take my words back.
I'm saving up to see u .... May we will be reunited soon...:))
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Truth hurts
I should stop reading the past.
It hurts more than to heal.
I wanted to ease this ache of losing someone.
So I went through her FB and her past journals.
Ani, why didnt u tell me u need someone to bring u out?
Why didnt u tell me u enjoy going for movies?
Why didnt u tell me u long for siblings' outing as often as we could?
And why have u decide to keep it to yourself?
I may always here for you but I wont know whats inside u.
I cannot see the signs. I was blinded by commitment.
We fail to see your frustrations.
We take your silence for granted.
No any 2 days are alike.
I thought for that day when I asked you, you were not keen, I ASSUME you will not interested for other days too...
I read with tears how you were so happy when I shared my bonus payout and brought you for movies :)
**********************
I'm sorry i didnt bring you out for retail therapy often.
U know i seldom shop, I would just buy whatever needed after work and rushed home BUT it does not mean I wont be with you when u need someone to shop around.
I'm sorry I didnt ask you to tag with me, I was always rushing BUT u can always tell me you need me to accompany you. I can always reserve my non working time for u.
Most of the time I feel I am a loner, no one to turn to for a company, so i rush home... I always thought by being home often is good enough to keep you company....now i realise at times we need to be out from home...to let go of the routine. Having Coffe outside is much better for both of us...*sigh*
I'm truly sorry for getting annoyed at your whinings, your outburst of frustrations cos I didnt know you had that much to endure.
I simply thought u were impatient.
All my assumptions were wrong...I thought You were happy.
Now I realise that Im very far from being a good sister.
If anyone would come to me to say I have failed to support you, it has never been this right:(
Now its too late!
It hurts more than to heal.
I wanted to ease this ache of losing someone.
So I went through her FB and her past journals.
Ani, why didnt u tell me u need someone to bring u out?
Why didnt u tell me u enjoy going for movies?
Why didnt u tell me u long for siblings' outing as often as we could?
And why have u decide to keep it to yourself?
I may always here for you but I wont know whats inside u.
I cannot see the signs. I was blinded by commitment.
We fail to see your frustrations.
We take your silence for granted.
No any 2 days are alike.
I thought for that day when I asked you, you were not keen, I ASSUME you will not interested for other days too...
I read with tears how you were so happy when I shared my bonus payout and brought you for movies :)
**********************
I'm sorry i didnt bring you out for retail therapy often.
U know i seldom shop, I would just buy whatever needed after work and rushed home BUT it does not mean I wont be with you when u need someone to shop around.
I'm sorry I didnt ask you to tag with me, I was always rushing BUT u can always tell me you need me to accompany you. I can always reserve my non working time for u.
Most of the time I feel I am a loner, no one to turn to for a company, so i rush home... I always thought by being home often is good enough to keep you company....now i realise at times we need to be out from home...to let go of the routine. Having Coffe outside is much better for both of us...*sigh*
I'm truly sorry for getting annoyed at your whinings, your outburst of frustrations cos I didnt know you had that much to endure.
I simply thought u were impatient.
All my assumptions were wrong...I thought You were happy.
Now I realise that Im very far from being a good sister.
If anyone would come to me to say I have failed to support you, it has never been this right:(
Now its too late!
No chat box!
I will have to get Mun's help to put up a chat box friendly template.
This default template is so ..........unproductive!!
This default template is so ..........unproductive!!
Latest news
I gotten a sms from Ani this mroning @ 6.44am to be exact.
She had safely reached San Francisco, Alhamdulilah.
Firdaus had been very good, slept throughout, so glad for her.
Weather is cold down there, she mentioned.
Im worried for her leg. She fell down the stairs few weeks back. I also aware that she had this rheumatism symptom, her body cannot resist cold, just like myself.
Adib will drive them all the way to Denver. An alternative to cope with the jetlaggedness....another flight would be too tiring for all of them.
Stay positive Ani, once u settle down, we will skype each other!
OUR PIX OVER THE YEARS..... notice that im always on ur left..its shows u r my right man..miss u already :((
She had safely reached San Francisco, Alhamdulilah.
Firdaus had been very good, slept throughout, so glad for her.
Weather is cold down there, she mentioned.
Im worried for her leg. She fell down the stairs few weeks back. I also aware that she had this rheumatism symptom, her body cannot resist cold, just like myself.
Adib will drive them all the way to Denver. An alternative to cope with the jetlaggedness....another flight would be too tiring for all of them.
Stay positive Ani, once u settle down, we will skype each other!
OUR PIX OVER THE YEARS..... notice that im always on ur left..its shows u r my right man..miss u already :((
Dejavu
I had this urge to change the template setting.
What I did was to click "the revert to old template"...AND
My blog goes back to 2006 template, the year when Ani was still in Hougang, the year
I was with N-C-S, one of the shortest employment contract I had and the worst I must say, the year Munyra went by the name of Monika, the year I was only 32.....even my chatbox shows old chat messages....down to memory lane :(
2006 - Its been almost 4 years since my struggle to get a better job, and sad to say I am still struggling to get out of this executive position, the one that I had managed to land into after hardwork of completing my diploma and braved myself to test the market.
I'm climbing the professional ladder....slowly but surely like one of my FB friend had said. Hesitate at first but since Im getting sick of being an executive..better start on something.
Its a tiring process...I have no regrets but full of anticipation for my future. Will I get the job once I graduate? How long?How much? Where?
For sure, I do not want to be like this for the longest time.
What I did was to click "the revert to old template"...AND
My blog goes back to 2006 template, the year when Ani was still in Hougang, the year
I was with N-C-S, one of the shortest employment contract I had and the worst I must say, the year Munyra went by the name of Monika, the year I was only 32.....even my chatbox shows old chat messages....down to memory lane :(
2006 - Its been almost 4 years since my struggle to get a better job, and sad to say I am still struggling to get out of this executive position, the one that I had managed to land into after hardwork of completing my diploma and braved myself to test the market.
I'm climbing the professional ladder....slowly but surely like one of my FB friend had said. Hesitate at first but since Im getting sick of being an executive..better start on something.
Its a tiring process...I have no regrets but full of anticipation for my future. Will I get the job once I graduate? How long?How much? Where?
For sure, I do not want to be like this for the longest time.
Mind over matter
I was contemplating to delete this blog.
No motivation to update regularly because I'm always on FB or Twitter.
But this procrastination prove to work for me this time.
This blog shall serve as the mirror for my inner thoughts for my sister, Ani who has gone to Colorado to join her family...its like a dejavu, been in this situation almost 2 years ago when she first left.
Her plan was not accomplised when she was expecting our little nephew Firdaus. She came back to join us - a great comfort for us but on the other hand, her life definitely had turned 360 degree and I could understand her frustration at times, being a single mom all far away from the support of a complete family.
Ani, we are glad to be there for you but I know our assistances, most of the time are not enough to substitute for your loss being away from your loved ones.
People asked around on ur status, people were so curious on what you were doing at home, and many more what people want to know about you here....I know its hard for you to have to tell the whole tale over and over again. I myself could not even utter a word if pple starts to ask bout you....i dont feel like saying a word.
Ani, we may looked as if we were nonchalant on your situation, but trust me, we REALLY care for you.
I would like to apologise for everything I did that might caused you to feel leftout. Been having flashback since you left on how busy I have been lately especially the months u were preparing to go back, that the next thing I would want to do on my rest day is to be with my family :(
I thought being in the same house is good enough for our bonding, I had overlooked how we should be going out alone often....sigh sigh. Just like those days when you were in Hougang, we would called up each other for dates.....I missed doing that!
Where was I all this while, eversince Firdaus came, we had very, really very few occasions together...I could only recall the time we watched THis Is IT movie....that was the last one...How long was that!?
Mak has told me how at times you were just too afraid to talk to me because I was having bad days, but trust me I never meant anything if I had raised my voice.it was not at you...I blew it out of my frustations on my workplace, colleague...etc......
I was too, quite reluctant to have few words at home with you especially from the beginning of this year, you were so busy doing ur own thing that I thought you were already in ur comfort zone...I just dont feel like distracting you..i dont know why.
i didnt realise you must be bored the whole day....I was already exhausted at the end of the day, that I didnt notice you were with me, for many times that I came home, only to eat, with d kids and then off to my room....forgive me...i didnt mean to neglect u...I conveniently took it for granted for your silence.
It is not easy to stay under same roof with so many people around, so many hearts to care for..but i have no complaints. Honestly i cannot get used to the quietness for not having both of u with us anymore....:(
I have never bothered if Firdaus will damage the household items, I think you were afraid that you will be a burden to us when you scolded Firdaus for getting near the tv console. U should have realised that most of the time I kept quiet because I dont mind it at all....so i hope you will stop feeling bad.
Maybe next time I will NOT keep quiet if i dun mind, pple might think I was very particular....Really, its just the opposite.
U r my sister, i thought you shld have known me better.
No motivation to update regularly because I'm always on FB or Twitter.
But this procrastination prove to work for me this time.
This blog shall serve as the mirror for my inner thoughts for my sister, Ani who has gone to Colorado to join her family...its like a dejavu, been in this situation almost 2 years ago when she first left.
Her plan was not accomplised when she was expecting our little nephew Firdaus. She came back to join us - a great comfort for us but on the other hand, her life definitely had turned 360 degree and I could understand her frustration at times, being a single mom all far away from the support of a complete family.
Ani, we are glad to be there for you but I know our assistances, most of the time are not enough to substitute for your loss being away from your loved ones.
People asked around on ur status, people were so curious on what you were doing at home, and many more what people want to know about you here....I know its hard for you to have to tell the whole tale over and over again. I myself could not even utter a word if pple starts to ask bout you....i dont feel like saying a word.
Ani, we may looked as if we were nonchalant on your situation, but trust me, we REALLY care for you.
I would like to apologise for everything I did that might caused you to feel leftout. Been having flashback since you left on how busy I have been lately especially the months u were preparing to go back, that the next thing I would want to do on my rest day is to be with my family :(
I thought being in the same house is good enough for our bonding, I had overlooked how we should be going out alone often....sigh sigh. Just like those days when you were in Hougang, we would called up each other for dates.....I missed doing that!
Where was I all this while, eversince Firdaus came, we had very, really very few occasions together...I could only recall the time we watched THis Is IT movie....that was the last one...How long was that!?
Mak has told me how at times you were just too afraid to talk to me because I was having bad days, but trust me I never meant anything if I had raised my voice.it was not at you...I blew it out of my frustations on my workplace, colleague...etc......
I was too, quite reluctant to have few words at home with you especially from the beginning of this year, you were so busy doing ur own thing that I thought you were already in ur comfort zone...I just dont feel like distracting you..i dont know why.
i didnt realise you must be bored the whole day....I was already exhausted at the end of the day, that I didnt notice you were with me, for many times that I came home, only to eat, with d kids and then off to my room....forgive me...i didnt mean to neglect u...I conveniently took it for granted for your silence.
It is not easy to stay under same roof with so many people around, so many hearts to care for..but i have no complaints. Honestly i cannot get used to the quietness for not having both of u with us anymore....:(
I have never bothered if Firdaus will damage the household items, I think you were afraid that you will be a burden to us when you scolded Firdaus for getting near the tv console. U should have realised that most of the time I kept quiet because I dont mind it at all....so i hope you will stop feeling bad.
Maybe next time I will NOT keep quiet if i dun mind, pple might think I was very particular....Really, its just the opposite.
U r my sister, i thought you shld have known me better.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Ache
All of us hate to have to go through this again - separation anxiety.
It'll be very selfish of us if things remain the same.
How I wish we could turn back the time, to change the twist of fate so that everyone is happy.
No tears, no heartaches, no regrets, no sorrows....
This time I am a lesser of a cry baby.
I'm stronger to let her go for the sake of a complete family.
I know I had tried my best even if it is far from being a perfect big sister.
For every separation, there would be sense of loss. Half of me is gone...to take her presence for granted time and again....Im such a lousy human being!
For sure, I will not have someone to sleep with me when I am all alone. I used to ask her to sleep besides me when no one is willing to share my bed with whenever the spouse is on night shift.
Gonna miss you Ani, I'll pray that we will never be separated again....not sure how, I'd pray for another twist of good fate..Amin!
Our last dine out...I promise we will go out more often in the future :)
It'll be very selfish of us if things remain the same.
How I wish we could turn back the time, to change the twist of fate so that everyone is happy.
No tears, no heartaches, no regrets, no sorrows....
This time I am a lesser of a cry baby.
I'm stronger to let her go for the sake of a complete family.
I know I had tried my best even if it is far from being a perfect big sister.
For every separation, there would be sense of loss. Half of me is gone...to take her presence for granted time and again....Im such a lousy human being!
For sure, I will not have someone to sleep with me when I am all alone. I used to ask her to sleep besides me when no one is willing to share my bed with whenever the spouse is on night shift.
Gonna miss you Ani, I'll pray that we will never be separated again....not sure how, I'd pray for another twist of good fate..Amin!
Our last dine out...I promise we will go out more often in the future :)
Monday, April 12, 2010
Misunderstood
No one likes to be misunderstood. All i did was to give my sincere and innocent point of view to a very old friend of mine. The spouse misunderstood that I had been giving her advices blindly for their situation. They were in the midst of separation.
I was not sure initially, not until this friend of mine kept posting sad and negative status. I took the courage to sms her and was surprised that she was open about her marriage woes. What she had mentioned was more than enough, I did not asked any further. Instead, from time to time I have been giving her encouragement to face the world in a positive light though I know deep inside it will not be easy and it will takes much longer time to heal her wounds. furthermore, their separation is in the midst of counseling. I pray for the best, hoping for conciliation.
Being the happy go lucky person she has always been, there were times I would make fun of her status and she would play along with her nonsensical remarks. Never did I imagine the spouse was unhappy, thinking all those status/remarks were directly meant for him.
He countered attacked mentioning that I should be wise and neutral handling a situation which I was not aware of who is right and wrong, instead I made things worse with all those encouragement to his wife's mean remarks towards him. The thing I detested most is when he had to mentioned that all these should not be coming from someone who knows about religion knowledge.
I pretended to act blur, pretended that he directed such remarks to someone else.
I have better things to do that to poke my nose into your pathetic marriage woes.
I have never once spoke to you and what right do you have to accuse me like that.
Don,t mention about religion when you know nothing or should i say wants to know zero about it.
I was not sure initially, not until this friend of mine kept posting sad and negative status. I took the courage to sms her and was surprised that she was open about her marriage woes. What she had mentioned was more than enough, I did not asked any further. Instead, from time to time I have been giving her encouragement to face the world in a positive light though I know deep inside it will not be easy and it will takes much longer time to heal her wounds. furthermore, their separation is in the midst of counseling. I pray for the best, hoping for conciliation.
Being the happy go lucky person she has always been, there were times I would make fun of her status and she would play along with her nonsensical remarks. Never did I imagine the spouse was unhappy, thinking all those status/remarks were directly meant for him.
He countered attacked mentioning that I should be wise and neutral handling a situation which I was not aware of who is right and wrong, instead I made things worse with all those encouragement to his wife's mean remarks towards him. The thing I detested most is when he had to mentioned that all these should not be coming from someone who knows about religion knowledge.
I pretended to act blur, pretended that he directed such remarks to someone else.
I have better things to do that to poke my nose into your pathetic marriage woes.
I have never once spoke to you and what right do you have to accuse me like that.
Don,t mention about religion when you know nothing or should i say wants to know zero about it.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
#578
I went ahead to enroll for MA & Taxation last night together with P & S.
Will have to find a suitable time to send the email - the reply, whether if it is favouable or otherwise, does not matter anymore.
Its my future, my time and my money that are more important than your stupid retreat.
I am not sure what action to be taken against me, whatever it is, its worth the sacrifice.
I have got 4 more modules before the end of this degree journey, its definitely not a smooth sailing and pleasant one. Like I-V-Y had mentioned, not everyone is supportive of our decision. I definitely see the truth in her words.
Superiors are being unreasonable, some friends are being sarcastic (i don't regard them as friends, good thing we are world and far apart - will keep it that way) while others cant wait to see the worst of me.
I am sick of their so called authoritiveness (if there is even such a word). Using no nonsense tactic to gain subordinates' co-operation is totally out dated. We will retaliate even more.
When will they ever realize that their management style needs to improve. Its not just us that need to be sent for courses, you need them even more!
Will have to find a suitable time to send the email - the reply, whether if it is favouable or otherwise, does not matter anymore.
Its my future, my time and my money that are more important than your stupid retreat.
I am not sure what action to be taken against me, whatever it is, its worth the sacrifice.
I have got 4 more modules before the end of this degree journey, its definitely not a smooth sailing and pleasant one. Like I-V-Y had mentioned, not everyone is supportive of our decision. I definitely see the truth in her words.
Superiors are being unreasonable, some friends are being sarcastic (i don't regard them as friends, good thing we are world and far apart - will keep it that way) while others cant wait to see the worst of me.
I am sick of their so called authoritiveness (if there is even such a word). Using no nonsense tactic to gain subordinates' co-operation is totally out dated. We will retaliate even more.
When will they ever realize that their management style needs to improve. Its not just us that need to be sent for courses, you need them even more!
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