Last wedding of 2007

Ani, these few shots were taken kat CIk Timah's 2nd son's wedding.
Tak dpt petik byk2...quite a crowd. Dah tu, aku tgh sibuk ambikkan nasi n lauk to be shared with Ezzaty (so byklah satu pinggan untuk dijamah dua org), this cameraman came to me and took a pic....alamak, cam nampak aku nie gelojoh...kwakwakwa4x...
the guy singing is Cik Timah's bro in law...dia tak nyanyi tapi berselawat badar....cam kat CD ustz HM noor...
i like the alas meja...and both nie kekenyangan

one more time,baby!

Shots taken by the inspiring photographer - Ez & her diva model Naj.
On our way to cik Timah's place...oh my!
like this?
Mak is not the diva definitely, but she played along to amuse her babies...
How about this lips?
enough of Naj, i guess Ezzaty found her shoes more appealing..(i didnt know she had placed them on the cushions!)

Friends commented that my blog entries were very teary.
Im sorry if this blog is getting emotional.. i cant help it.
I cry each time i type, and everytime I tell myself to be strong,, im getting weaker...
so much being the eldest but such a cry baby yeah!

maybe this is the beginning of a new life. as the saying goes, the first time is always the hardest.
im really in no mood to celebrate New Year, though it is deafening here with the party going on by the RC members...

If only life would be simpler for them...Ani & family would not have to go back. we will still be together...

2007 is not a good year for me personally - started out with a bad job and ended with a separation....
I hope i odnt have to encouter the terrible year like 2007..

Azimah our angel

Ani, please tell Azimah that eventhough we arent related by blood, she's already part of us.
I hope as years pass by, she will not forget us and treat us differently....we love the Azimah now!

I've seen her grown from that chubby temperamental kid to a young lady, a demure one.
Soft spoken and obedient...the reasons why she has always been 'victimised' by Ezzaty...
Tell her, im sorry that Ezzaty always make her cry, hurt her fragile heart and had always needed to follow Ezzaty's orders.

Ezzaty is feeling remorseful and regrets her actions. You know, the day you left, she wept queitly on the daybed...and each time she was left alone, she cried herself to bed and read Azimah's diary over and over again....I have never seen her so sentimental - you know how tough she has been, always arguing and never admit defeat...well.. that's the past now.

I have uploaded this pics for remembrance for Azimah to remember her 2 months of fun with her cousins,,,,(some were self taken by themselves)!

Azimah, whatever happen, just dont forget Nenek, Ibu, Ayah, mummy, daddy, Ummi, Aisy, Farisha, Najmi and your soulmate-Ezzaty, ok!

as you can see, both Ezzaty and Azimah will put on identical and matching attire....they had this"what i wear, you also must wear ok!"

Ani, Mak has gone for her IQra' lesson. I'll be bored a level higher.
Then, when you were here, we would go online together and watched TV3, or at least we chatted.

Monday was so different eversince you and Azimah came to live with us. I used to hate it because I dont like the idea of Mak leaving me like those years Mak left 3 of us for her shift work (back in AMK-257).
I was grateful for your company, and Ezzaty too, loved to have Azimah as her partner for so many god knows what activities.

You see, my life definitely had turned 360 degrees.
My eyes turned puffy with all the crying and these pictures give more reason that i should put on shades...




dont you think i was you here...i thought so it was you but the red frame gave away.

At times, I can be very selfish ...now especially.
Ani should have ample rest after the long flight and yet I expected her to update her blog soon. And as soon as I reached office today, the first thing I did was to read her blog-the norm even when she was here..and true enough she had updated hers and I felt good knowing that there are things still unchanged.

Mak did not allowed me to sleep with her last night. She was grumbling that it was very cramp having the 4 of us on the queen-size bed and Najmi was awaken many times because of my heavy snoring....!

I dragged myself to my room, feeing so dull and hungry. The last meal i had was the nasi minyak @ Cik Timah's wedding function. I had no appetite,even for snack, been busy 'covering' Ezzaty's school books with the plastic folders - took me almost an hour and then final preparation for school to be re-opened. I forgotten all about food after that talk with Ani.....too happy i guess to hear her voice from other side of the world.

Was about to sleep when Eddris came home after the afternoon shift- as usual he would want to have the usual chat about everything under sun. Updated him on Ani's well-being and I cried...guess what, he shed tears seeing me sobbing....
I was telling him that he will not understand how it felt to be away from someone so dear, and it hit me again that I was being selfish...*(felt like slapping my own face)*

How insensitive can i be? He lost his mother when he was only 14 then and his dad, 9 years ago....he would be the last person not to feel lost having those he loves gone forever...

I guess I should not be always thingking about me, myself and I...he had these to say, Men dont show their emotions easily but it does not mean they dont understand and they dont care. Only that their ways are different from the ladies...

Ani had arrived safely at 10am today..she sms-ed the minute she touched the ground.
the flight took her more than 24 hours. I could not imagine how tired she was, having to drag 3 luggages and a young girl all alone by herself, changing more than 2 planes with transit and all....you are superwoman in your own way, sis!

I still could not get over the fact that she's not here with us...
keep telling myself that soon she will be back and its just temporary. But I could not help to feel so remorseful, everything in this house reminds me of Ani & Azimah. The past 2 months they were here really bond us even closer...

Like this morning, I really thought I heard Azimah, the norm of her- enjoying herself in the balcony with colourings and the barbie dolls..and at times, while i was reading, I could sensed she was in front of me watching the DVD with Najmi & Ezzaty...but no, it was just memories of the past that I could not erase from my mind.

Just like when i was watching the Vasantham Central, I felt so empty- Ani would be the one reminding me to watch this programme on the weekends..we used to watch together on that one single bed all squeezed up, each of us trying to figure out what it was all about. Now that single bed seems huge to me, Im all alone watching the tv with no one to discuss with....SIGH!

its true separation is just the physical bond - all in all we are in each other's heart but i feel so terrible to be crying myself to bed these nights! the times we were growing-up keep coming back....worst, i kept on recalling those incidents when we were arguing and quarrelling...urgh!

We spoke for half an hour just then around 7pm and Ani was supposed to be at bed since it was 3am in the morning, but she picked up the phone, some how knowing it was me. We talked and cried and we shared our sorrows. we had the same thought..we had that telepathy thingy..,,she was feeling exactly how i felt and we were feeling sorry about similiar incidents and we confirmed that we could not be separated that far for so long.....sob sob sob!

I told her to call us everyday even if it would be for a few minutes....to keep us all warmth with her well being. oh yeah, she was freezing with the snowy and i guess its one of the reason why both Ani & Azimah were busy unpacking their luggages instead of snoring away after the long flight...

I hope i will be able to sleep well tonight, at least i will not wet the whole pillow again with tears and mucus...and i think I will be sleeping with Mak again where Ani used to sleep....and Im glad Eddris understands.

Greatest Sis

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Departure

The last 2 days, D Noors slept in the living room like we used to back in our childhood days.
Cramped and squeezed on 2 thin mattresses - comfy and cosy having the warmth of sisterhood.
I have taken for granted for her presence in our life and now that she's leaving, im not gonna miss a second with her. I KNOW that im gonna miss her so badly...

Last night, I could not sleep well, been waking up every hour....
sadness overcame me and i was thinking, oh! this is it....it's our last day together.

I have just realised that I have to do things alone from now on. Eventhough I have been married for almost a decade now, I still depend on my sisters especially Ani for opinion, decision-making, movies, shopping...the simple things which i enjoy doing and spending time with...

Money can NEVER buy a sister like her, what more a twin whom I had been destined to be together from the days in Mak's womb. i just know i could depend on her on many things, especially her understanding, the one which not many people even my other sisters could offer.

I may be aloof at times, insensitive....at that point of time i thought it was nothing but i came to realise now I may have hurt her feelings in one way or another. I have never shown my affection, but I really appreciate her kind gestures and i regret not to have the courage to say it out loud before..."Ani, thank you so much for the unconditional love & sacrifice!"

My tears had been flowing eversince i was in the car on our way to the airport...at the departure mall, i hugged her and dont want to let her go..I thought I was strong but I could not control my emotion seeing how tearful Azimah was when Ezzaty hugged her. these two had been quarrelling and those tears were just so precious!

and it struck me that this separation would be like forever because there isnt any plan yet when they will return.
but I hope the next time when we meet, Azimah will not forget her wonderful years with us particularly with Ezzaty.

oh dear, my heart is drowning...my tears just could not stop.
i didnt expect to be this bad handling separation.

i will be a different person without my sis and her family around.
i have a lesser person to talk to, to share with and to celebrate my birthday...half of me is gone.

Ani, dont forget : "Robbi Yassir walaa tu 'assir robbi tammim bil khair"
Bon voyage and come back soon. we love you.

p/s: i will be a better big sister to you...(i think im gonna cry for days!!)

our precious moment

ho ho raya...

here, the overdue updates on the Hari Raya Haji and Xmas holidays.

Aidiladha
I did my korban but physically it was held in Surabaya.
All these years, I have not got the chance to witness the ceremony, didnt get to see my kambings before the sacrifice....

Insya-Allah, I will want to korban here and witness the whole process - at least once in a lifetime.

Celebration was very simple - besides the takbir which we did after Magrib, there was no aura of raya ness at all. Bad tv programmes, moody weather and slacky spirit.
Mak cooked the traditional raya dishes - lontong, ayam merah and sambal goreng to compensate all these! thanks a zillion - you saved the day!

Xmas
Me and Ani left to meet S for our 11 am appointment. I was skeptical about this whole thing. Getting an appointment without a specific cause...we were just clueless on everything and went with the flow. Alhamdulilah, his words of wisdom reaffirm our stands.
Window-shopped at Tampiness Mall and yes! I finally got what I have been looking for. Purchased the handphone pounch and it was on 20% promotion...the wait is worth it.

And in the afternoon, met up with my extended families at Uncle D's place - celebrating his joy of getting 2 grandsons - M. I. D & M. A. M ..too long names to spell them out...

pictures to be uploaded later-yeah!

I simply cant be bothered.
Im getting immuned with these nonsense.
The fear has gradually gone.
Im getting stronger - mentally.

Its just that I'm saddened to have caused all these to my loved one indirectly.
If only I could turn back the clock, If only I could stop.

yeah, If only.....

what's done cannot be undone.
I always believe that everything happens for a reason.

About time, you are not getting your way.
Its time to realise that your way just dont work for you anymore.

If you can make it happen, it is not impossible that others could too.
Life is fair, afterall.

oh please....stop barking at the wrong tree!

Decided to join Mak & Eddris for their monthly groceries/marketing at Sheng Shiong.
The place has not changed much.. people were rushing and motorists were ever so impatient..sigh!

festive season is just around the corner, which explains why all staff were putting on the Santa's caps.
Many goods were on promotion and i took the chance to purchase Najmi's milk powder there and Eddris grabbed the pampers!
As a result, instead of the usual a trolley and basket full of groceries, this time it was 2 trolleys instead!

Kiddy's pLace

The busiest, noisest and messiest place at home!
The place where children study
And play..even the slide track is useful for someone *genius* (hopefully) like him

Cookies Luv

These chocolate chips oats cookies were baked specially for my brother in law (who never fails to appreciate this personal recipe of mine)
and extra2 more for Ani and Azimah to enjoy during their long journey to Denver next week.
Baked with special ingredients of love and sincerity from your Big Sista here - muack!

Endurance. Perseverance. Patience.

Sometimes I think I am a Superwoman.
Wanting to do many things at a time.
Eager to complete tasks fast.
Forgetting my limitations.

And overlooking that the road surface which I have to ride on has never been a smooth one. Rough patches and rocky humps never fail to make me stumble and fall.
It hurts. It brings me down. I stand up and move on. The cycle continues. Endless.

I think its about time I read another book of Ann Rule.

29 Dec will be an EVENTFUL day.

Ani will be leaving.
The year end party will be held.
Marhani, my former ITE pal will host a housewarming party.

and more to come, trust me!

The boss wants me to take up ACCA instead.

I had been putting off this idea for so long and finding myself taking up one diploma after another in order to get a place in one of the UNI.

I have more friends failing than those succeeded, which explains why I am so reluctant to go for it. I do not want to join the failures!
Been going around the bush and ended up to where I was supposed to be, like, 7 years ago!!!!

I have sent an email to one of the consultants to query if I am eligible for exemptions. More than 4 modules are exactly those I have taken in the FM course...

I do not want to waste time AGAIN!

I hope our efforts will not go down the drain.
I hope our sorrows will end to welcome victory and uphold justice.
I hope our prayers will be answered.

I want to live life as it used to be.

Thank You ALLAH for the lead. We have no one to turn to but YOU for guidance.
and we are beginning to see some lights at far end of this dark tunnel.

I have said it.
You are falling from your grace.

Its a blessing in disguise indeed.
Should you have shown a little mercy, things would definitely turn different.

We would not have realised it was planned.

Of late, the immediate superiors are busy with the year end celebration. there will be definitely games - hoo...i just dont like to participate in those. im quite reserved when such things concerned, why cant we have just food, drinks...food paradise sort of thingy.

work has been piling and im clearing them with utmost 'care' as in accuracy. heheh....well, accountancy cant be without accuracy. and soon it will be the qtrly internal audit......so many things to be done and soon it will be 2008! i cant do without reading out all the routine....its all so sequence..after one another...somehow im enjoying it.
Those passing by never fails to comment how they envy of my workload - being private limited. its all me and the work and nothing else. i dont have to handle student, parents, tutors - only occasion queries from the public and the BIG boss. that's alright now....its becoming the norm and part of the job.

what i appreciate most here is the flexiblity to perform my prayer, i could just take the ablution and lay the mat to pray. no more sneaking at odd hours to the basement...alhamdulilah.

somehow, im definitely looking forward to a long break. to energise myself. been thinking alot where to go - time isnt on my side, really. school will be re-opened soon, and just so untimely...
endurance, thats the key word.

changed again....im in that melancholic mood..(dont mind the spellings).

Unexpected. Disappointed. Betrayed.
Never expect the friend that i found in you slowly fades away.
Showing your true colours only to find that its a bit too late.
Things turned ugly, you changed nasty. all because of greed.

How i wished i could turn back the clock and stop all these nonsense.
Why must we suffer for your mistake? and in turn putting the blame on us?

Trust me it wont be long that you will fall from your grace.

Friday night- we were supposed to be sending off our ustaz for his annual Haj journey. Somehow the departure was re-scheduled to a later date and we were left wandering from T1 to T3..reaching home in the early morning after a very late munch @ BK.

Me and Ani skipped going there again on Sunday morning, i had this influenza symptoms. The girls took over our places and accompanied their dad and grandma....there was a huge crowd at the departure hall as expected.

Friday nite's aimless trip to the Airport - most of the time we were 'briskwalking' at the new T3!

its all in the pictures

been BUSY lately and so this journal was neglected. But the days did not go wasted...

we attended a wedding invited by Eddris' extended family, it was a rainy saturday and having nasi minyak and teh panas to warm us all.
school holidays programme - students at the centre filled the days with handicrafts. They were doing patchworks for their cushions
another creative designs by one of the students
last night was the last day for the pasar mlm here, the kids had tried the mini viking and merry go round and i bought the bananas fritters almost everyday - just cant get enough....
the food poisoning saga@ PRima Deli - i thought nothing of it, even bought cupcakes for every one...the next day after i bought these, all outlets were ordered to close.

Going back to the study world, only this time im not relying on books. I've been revising almost everyday via internet.
Im so glad to have found the website or else i'm pretty sure i will be clueless on my mistakes and to repeat them just to fail!

Though i had not excel academically during those years, i did not fare that bad to have to repeat the same level.
and i believe when effort has been made and not to give up easily, - its just a matter of time, i will be able to reap the fruits of my labour. so i could not comprehend why i would not succeed this time round?

********************************************************************************************

Eddris had been on 16 hours shift lately and im getting used to his schedule now.
i have to be less dependent on him on things which i used to take for granted. hmmmm.....like what?? im quite independent really....:p

its not all bad to be working on rotational shift, he will have more leaves since his off days may fall on weekdays and like today for instance, both of us do not have to apply leave to send Ezzaty for dental checkup/treatment at Outram.

Her follow up will be in 2 weeks time and he had booked for an appoinment on his off day.
and i need not to worry who should be the one sending her there.....all settled.

ah yes, im not sure why am i giving myself unnecessary pressure to complete the routine task. i had been able to complete the report before dateline all these months...maybe its the appraisal thing,,,,or is it the software parallel run?

I dont know why but mind is just too occupied.

if you have noticed that i have been missing the letter G lately, its not due to typo error.
Thanks to our little man here, Najmi - Mac is loosing its G touch...i dont know, of all the letters, he just love to press real hard, i mean so hard that G is almost gone from the keyboard......sob sob sob...!

Ironically he can say the letters A to E well and not G....hahahha!

its my 2nd day, going home without my handphone!
how forgetful...and i hate having this insecurity. like having missed calls and messages. urg!!!!
okay, enough of that thoughts of important calls and messages to be missed.....i shall try to remember bringing home my nokia tomorrow...

Noreen, the staff whom i replaced is having hard time in her new workplace.
I emphatised her situation because i have been there couple of times before.
Coincidencely, H, the new full time tutor was telling me that his wife's workplace urgently seeking an accounts personnel.
Thinking that i have been here long enough to move on to another, he recommended me for the position....i was flattered but i cant and im not keen.

Its always like this, when you are very much in need, help is nowhere to be found but it will be the other way round when you are almost settled down.

So, I informed Kak N to convey the availability of the job to Noreen - its a very family conducive workplace.
8 to 4pm, 5 days work and children and spouse are heavily supported in terms of medical and insurance.

And the successful candidate need not do full sets of accounts (lucky chap)- she will be very specialised in carrying out her task either in AR or AP.

No wonder H's wife is very complacent there and had served the organisation for 15 years!
I would if i were in her positiom....regardless how many kids you are having-all medical and delivery costs will be fully borne by the company..heaven! and its not a local organisation, by the way.

December is not a good month for me for 2 consecutive years.

My mind is occupied with so many things right now.
At work, it is the busiest month due to the migration of a new accouting software, and thank GOD, we need to do only One month of parallel run.
I have got more than 11 centres of accounts to take charge..and more in 2008.
I have got less than a month to revise for my January test.
I hate emails more than ever here! Informations and instructions just come knocking in the inbox...its not a pleasure to follow up orders from there...why cant they call me instead???


On a better note, I appreciate the trust. for the task assigned and the bonus, of course.

what is life without p-r-o-b-l-e-m?

We can't fight it , we have to face it.

It's like as if you are in the darkest tunnel, you can either choose to stay put and wait for help Or search painstakingly for the light.

The choice is ours but the decision is definitely not in our hands.
We strive, we pray and we hope.

May all our prayers and hopes shed a light for you.

Enchanting Sunday

Me & Ani brought the girls to watch "Enchanted" this morning.
It was an impromtu decision we made on Friday.
So that they would have a meaningful outing in the holiday.
( we have yet to come up with good activities for the rest of the holidays)..

the show
Fairy tale like turned reality. very enchanting indeed!
The cinemagraphy is breathtaking. great show and the girls wanted to watch it again. Cant get enough of it!

We were the early birds, the lights were still on, so time for a pix
Popcorns to go along
the projector - yes! we got good seats
that design - so retromanic!

My SaTuRdAy

Saturday Night
Eddris brought us out to Serangoon and Jalan Sultan.
Had our late dinner at Zam Zam. It was nice of him to spare his sleeping time since he had to work on Sunday for the 18 hours shift.

waiting for our murtabaks and drinks
someone is sure so impatient
Me upon reaching home - thanks for the meal, im getting rounder!

Saturdy - afternoon

I went for our final kuliah before ustazah departs for her haj trip. its amazing how she will deliver the topic that you've been seeking for the answer, as if she know that you've been waiting for it. God's will. Never fails to raise my spirit up after listening the words of wisdoms - the determination to be a better person soars.
Mak & Ani before the starting of kuliah - Mak will pose readily with that fake smile ha!
Muslimah attending the class, waiting for ustazah
Ani snapped this pic to capture my glasses turning into shades under the hot sun

Saturday - morning
I brought Najmi for a stroll around the neighbourhood. I just love to bring him out because that would be the only time he will be so obedient, quiet, attentive and not running around. He will be just the opposite at home. A passerby even remarked that I am so lucky to have a quiet boy like him, not having to scream my lungs out.
well sis, you were so wrong. I am the Tarzan at home and he will never walk - he runs and without fails will fall and bleed every other days. Mak has heart attacks hearing the thuds, the pangs and the knocks!

.Then, he sat quietly and observed the other kids, at times going near the slides and turned the "tic tac toe" thingy. after an hour of "visiting' the 3 playgrounds, i asked if he would like to have a packet of ribena...he yawned and said "na nak" as in dont want....yeah, time for his short nap