Tomorrow all muslims will be celebrating Aidil Adha.
im having mixed feeling - happy & sad.
happy to be still alive to celebrate another Aidil adha - sad that I am not among the Jemaah to wukuf at Arafah.
It had been 2 years and the nostalgic feeling had never diminished.

Grateful that i was given the chance to perform one of he 5 pillars, at the same time Im hoping Allah would accept my ibadah throughout the pilgrimage.

I have tried my best but we all know we will never failed to be tested. time and again many unexpected things happened.
i know deep inside that unpleasant things that happened was beyond my control.
sacrifices alone did not guarrantee any success.

I still keep in touch with friends that I had made there.
what i had heard was true that during Haj, you will show your true self.
you will be able to tell if that someone is truly sincere or just utter words of wisdom to cover up her imperfections.

i was able to make friends to eveyone in our group and it seemed that everyone seemed to know me very well.
one of our jemaah passed away few months after we completed our haj.

maybe I shall get Eddris to visit Haji Salleh- to maintain the silaturrahim.

selamat menyambut aidil adha to all my friends.
may Allah bless us all.

its been a week. was very busy. but manage to spend time with my family on Xmas-going to sembawang park.
the sunday was occuppied attending weddings. i completed my assignment , the rest of the days were to entertain sms & calls form friends who were not so sure of completing it- i was not the expert-my answer may be wrong but nevertheless, it seemed as if my answer could resolve their doubts. i didnt bother to check once i completed cos i might had second thought.

all happened so fast, it seemed like yesterday i was just celebrating the coming of 2006 and now its coming to its end. looking back, 2006 was quite a happening year for me. i had Najmi, i had enrolled a course, towards its end, i changed job. hmm..beginning of 2007 seems like kicking off quite well too, i might have a lead to what i really want in my career. update later once all confirm. talk and no action is like building castle in the air. so better work on it than just to talk about it.

i had to apologise to Uncle D-the photos turned out very bad cos i didnt change the resolution to the print out mode. sorry!!
so as from now, regardless for upload or print out- i have the camera to be defaulted at its highest resolution.

i will be sitting for Biz Stats exam tomorrow. have not received result for Econs yet. wonder when...
i hope i will do well for the overall program. though i must admit time is against me for any revision eversince i change job.
Najmi turn 10 mths yesterday, these 2 weeks i have been getting him to depend less on the walker. Nurse wanted me to get him on his feet often so that he could walk before he reaches one.

breaking up my dream

I need a BREAK.
Away from all these mess and stress.
I need space to do some good thinking on lots of things.
Ezzaty starting her P1, Najmi turning one, my studies ending soon..
what are my next plans?

What do i really want in life?

Ani is back from her HK Disney trip.
We were supposed to be travelling together.
I had to cancel due to my recent employment.
All my anticipation end there..I could no longer dream.
It can never becomes a reality.

some people are just not worth to argue with.
even if im not wrong, i dont feel the need to defend myself.
let her get away with her ego.

if she choose to be against you , no amount of sacrifice and effort will erase the negativity from her mind.

getting me confused, making me work triple hard and then passing those baseless remarks - should you be getting my respect?

anyone with the right frame of mind would love to hate YOU.

since day one, i had this instinct of not being able to get along with you.
my guess was right, and its not only me - in fact the whole section can no loger tolerate with you.

heard that you are getting a transfer - better be soon.
cant wait for D Day.

wed us together

d wedding of our two beloved cousins went smoothly despite the heavy downpour.
i had been there since Friday, to give a helping hand but everything had been nicely planned, prepared and done. Spent few hours 'supervising' the decor team converting the dull multi-purpose hall to a Garden Wedding paradise!

It was Aisyah's preference to have all pink (even to the carpet) and yes, Eddris was there to ensure the chairs n tables were arranged to a satisfying layout.

I told Aisyah how fortunate she is to have a father like my uncle D - she can be rest assured that everything is in good hands.

I didnt do much on sat - acting as assistant to Kak June & CT with the kuihs.
On sunday, i was one of the rombongan accompanying Fuad to his bride's place.
So crowded that we had to eat while standing - putu piring, masalodeh n some kuihs.
more like a company event...

There was a slide showing photos of both seri n fuad from their baby years - i was stunned to see a photo of my uncle when he was in his twenties..I missed those years spending time with him.

all went well and of course me & ani grabbed d chance to pose with the brides n bridegrooms..few shots just to break the ice so that the rest will follow suit to do like wise. so true! they formed a queue the moment both of us stepped down!

more pics coming up..meantime-SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU TO FUAD & AISYAH BERSAMA PASANGAN. SEMOGA BERKEKALAN HINGGA KE AKHIR HAYAT.AMIN!!

Uncle D just called to express his thanks for our help especially to Eddris who was assigned to be the photographer and nominated ketua kendarat to oversee all the tasks being carried out efficiently. Dont have to Cik, He loves to do such chores!!

rush hour

I should be looking forward to Fridays cos on this day I will knock off at 5pm. Its the beginning of a weekend and its time for me to laze around.

It has been a month and I have realised that Friday is the most happening day here.
The nature of this job demands alot from me on Friday!
Do it fast and right. yeah3x, I'm learning to pick up that skill.
sometimes i feel like as though im working in the stockmarket - dealing with shares prices but no, im rushing to input the claims, invoices, data etc so that next week payment will be out as per scheduled.

Im worse off than a production operator - when the shift hour is over, another operator will continue the task.

As for me, when my official hour is over, nobody BUT me to complete the end process.

madmakcikmakesmemoody

class as usual ends at 10pm sharp. Mr Tan is one ON lecturer, he squeezes 2 lessons into one, making a blur student getting a blurrer vision of the whole statistics concept.

cant get to sleep YET - im too tired and my mind is overload, completed the draft for my assignment. im still not familiar with the formulae. will revise some during lunch tomorrow hopefully. work piling up, volume is just too high, impossible to clear ALL in a month. by these two days i have to get the usd payment out so that treasury could reserve the funds. y must they make things so difficult here? restrictions and controls will not do any better for us to think out of the box.

Najmi is getting very manja with me, he will not sleep until he gets to see me. he will be all awake the moment im home, does not matter how late it could be. sending me off in the morning is a natural thing for him. its a must for me to carry him out before i leaves for work. Ezzaty could not be bothered with me when she was younger. what a contrast.

I have been hearing unpleasant things about my uncle - well, i could guess who started it. i dont feel bad if it was not her but my instinct strongly tells that she had it coming. why must she says all those nasty remarks. what will she get ultimately? only SINS.

EVERYTIME, one of us having that big merry happening memorable event of their lives, she LOVES to ensure that it would not turn the way it should be. we will start hating one another without learning the truth. the truth that nobody cares to find out what, why N when. it will drag till the next raya, and blindly we will seek forgiveness for nothing. crazy!

You cant have the best all the time. If you do not want to help, just shut your bloody mouth.
if you cant respect others, at least have the decency to respect yourself. so mad with that makcik!

routine me

i did get a good sleep on friday, though i slept almost at two in the morning after attempting the assignment. didnt have that motivation to finish all the parts questions. and i still not very certain on PROBABILITY topic. hope the text that Dian had reserved for me would come in handy.

On Sat evening, I turned up for the facial appointment. I guessed its one way to pamper myself that during the 2 hours treatment process, i could hear myself snore. Kak nia was next to me- I hope it was not too loud. Bought most of product care to replenish my stock, yes, its almost five months! and i was 2 months late for the facial. my skin had lost its radiance-that was what M commented.

Sunday was up early, Mak made us go to Geylang serai for her baju. She was worried not getting the best since it was a last minute shopping for our cousins' weddings this coming Sunday. She managed to get one Jubah-sweet, pastel 2 layered long dress.
Ezzaty bought her kebaya and i was glad it came close to my outfit!

I left for class after that, it was not until 7pm that i reached home and cared for Najmi till he slept at 9.30pm...very routine huh?!

today in history

im so ever glad to have join the company with SL & YL at the same time. we are not alone facing the stress, the high volume of transactions, the ever so fast speed and the endless claims. and when we have to stay exceeding the office hour to complete the task, we can be assured that we are being accompanied.

eversince AE was away on mc for almost a week, SL N YL ask me to tag along. was not able to be with d the both of them since they have been going to lunch with the seniors, and i guess now they have called it quit, must be getting sick of the company. YL is more open about her thoughts and does not mind to pour out her grievances. rarely get to talk since YL was seated away from me & SL. By now i know SL too well. i can always sense her frustrations.

over lunch, we were complaining about the system -S-L-O-W and ironically it should not be happening since the company offers IT talents around the region!

it was just the 3 of us in d section, no more silence. the rest had left. YL was telling me THAT we did all the lousy taks, enabling the rest to go back on time.

SL & YL were yelling at each other, telling what to do next while generating the payment. i was engrossed sorting out the invoices with the sounds of flippings and staplings. once a while there would be cursings and swearings.

reminds me so much when I was in RP. then me, JJ, YH & CC were of the same age, joined the company almost the same time and we often accompanied each other doing overtime.

History do someimes repeat itself.

received sms from ITE pal-M that she's leaving for Mekah to perform Haj on 23 Dec. I got her flight details and contemplating on the possibilities of sending her off at T1 or visit her these few days before her departure.

While smsing her, Madinah and Bin Dawood appear on my mind. Miss the life there.
I have made a promise to return every five years and I hope it will be fulfilled. I want both Ezzaty and Najmi to perform umrah with me & Eddris before they can afford to perform Haj on their own expenses.

I did get M to convey my salam to our Prophet Muhammad S.A.W -PBUH. Thats my only request. I understand how committed she would be if many would want her to do this and that since being called to be in the Holy Place are for those the chosen ones.

She didnt reply, must be very busy.

PictureUSperfect

a picture says a thousand words. najmi n ezzaty in their candid shots - pathetic najmi down with fever-that pad on his forehead reminded me of someone.

CT, a childhood friend whom i met up a year ago came to visit with her son, 2 nephews and her eldest sis.
didnt get to blog about this then. it was sweet of her to dropby admist her busy schedule to and fro her own home and her sis's. eversince i joined the new company, i didnt get to email to her as often like before.

maybe from now onwards, i should sms to my friends instead.
i dont want to lose any of them again. hard to imagine saying hi after so many years and getting them to picture us when we were younger, bringing them down to memory lane is not that easy. we are already in our 30's.

saturdayly sunday

Saturday was a hectic & chaotic shopping NITE. left home around 6pm for JB, reaching almost 8pm at plaza Angsana. no major jam, we passed a different route. but yet it took us that long!

we deferred the thoughts of having a sumptous meal AT THE LAST hour so that we could shop and get the things. some of the shops had already closed. it was a weekend and no extension of shopping hours. how funny!

i didnt REALLY get what i had in mind, neither did Mun. only mak managed to get her face cream and the groceries. but i did get a kebaya at such reasonable price. didnt get to buy any shoes and worst, ezzaty went home empty handed. but she was not in any foul mood cos i gave her a big treat at McDonalds. and yes, we were the last customers. so kind of the manager letting us to have our orders though we were half an hour after closing!

our baby V had hit a Nissan when Eddris made a sudden reverse to avoid a Malaysian plated Proton that came from the the other direction (which was illegal, we should have stop that Jerk)

Phew! no scratches, no dents but a fright!
we were safe and sound despite the sudden halt.
reached home at 1 in the morning, i slept an hour later.

on sunday, met up with my cousins and aunty in a wedding reception.
kinda funny feeling, my cousin who had been ignoring us for quite sometimes (GOD knows y) became so friendly like nothing happened or should i say like nobody's business.

only time will tell how long that friendliness shall last.
im sick of this game.

sadly, these 2 days were not captured with the digi lens- just dont feel like it.

meowing on emails

had been going lunch with AE these days. My usual buddy, R took 2 weeks leave for her ACCA paper. I was surprrised that me & AE get along well despite the fact we were having hard time being taught and to teach each other.
she does not really like to mingle with the rest and there was one day, she asked where i have been going for lunch. didnt realise she is always alone. We had been having lunch in our cubicles for many days, so yesterday she urged to go out. Went NP foodcourt, had nasi padang and today, we went AMK to have KFC-fish n chips sets.

AE joined the company 3 months before me and so we have many things in common about the tasks, the people and KUCHING-our HEAD who has been sleeping all these years but had to wake up to ensure newcomers do the right thing.shes half sober. no head or tail on what her subordinates do, and had to force herself to stay vigilant on the reviews, you can expect many unwanted and illogcal comments from her. i felt like telling her off, how long have you been here, it has always been done this way and now you are telling us its not the right way....but of course, Me & AE remain silent and let the cat meowed into the thin air. we wouldnt want to jeopardize our ricebowls. we were recalling those incidents on the way back to the office, the journey seemed shorter when you have someone to talk to.

i was rushing my work to knock off at 5 but hat to extend half an hour cos of the reminders that i had to email.
have to mind the usage of words cos im sending to the top management as well.
have never felt so pressurised and anxious when sending emails.